On the matter of school fundraiser auctions, a Barnard alum emails about the ladies' own auction. As she puts it, "I was pretty horrified to see my fabulously feminist alma matter Barnard College's offerings." Why so disturbing? Because, amidst the expected booty of a day at Seventeen (Toos Rubenstein '93) and a taping of Martha (Martha Stewart '63, Cyndi Stivers '78), there are a few special items:

The Village Community School — the private school of choice for the West Village's finest future bobos — is having their annual benefit auction, where one can bid online for all sorts of high-end items (like a week in Venice, which starts at $1000). Included in the posh array of desirables is Tony Soprano's "bloodied" shirt from the show's Season Six premiere, worn and autographed by James Gandolfini. The item is expected to fetch so much money that bidding will only be conducted on eBay.

The Sun reports this morning that schools chief Joel Klein is trying to hold a meeting with the city's principals on Saturday morning, and that the principals are balking. (You know, because God forbid public employees be asked to work a few minutes more than called for under their union contracts.) To lure them out, Klein has offered a pair of Broadway tickets — and for good shows, too, like Sweeney Todd or Doubt or Dirty Rotten, not for standard giveaway dreck like Les Miz or, worse, Ring of Fire — if they attend. Naturally, the principals' union is incensed by this, and individual principals report being unswayed. For example Sandra Bridges, principal at "the highly regarded P.S. 234 in TriBeCa," who will instead by "be heading out to the country for the weekend":

Because, really, we haven't been learning nearly enough about it already.

For those so lucky as to attend an athletics-obsessed undergraduate instituition, it comes as firsthand knowledge that any sort of "learning" is put on hold for most of March, so that basketball players may pursue the sweat-soaked glory of a NCAA championship. But a student at the University of Florida, whose team plays in tonight's final against UCLA, reports that the madness has hit a new high:

Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, on the other hand, prefers to focus on the positive developments.

Hello! magazine reports that gangsta-rapping starlet Natalie Portman stopped by Columbia University on Monday to give an undergraduate lecture on counterterrorism. She went to Harvard, you know, which means she's in the position to educate the children of the lesser ivies on all matters of international import. Writes a student:

From an article today on a major revision to Janson, the definitive art-history textbook:

How fitting that Zachary Seward — the bright young thing who scooped everyone on former Harvard president Larry Summers' recent expatriation and scored a Wall Street Journal byline in the process — told New York reporter Ben Mathis-Lilley in today's issue that the media was really just "a big ivy league reunion." To wit, a young sapling fresh from Yale has taken Seward's insight to heart by using a classic "hey, we went to the same school" pitch on Rush & Molloy reporter and fellow Yalie Chris Rovzar. Now bow before the altar of sycophantic name-dropping and misplaced self-promotion, for we have found your king:

You might recall that Ad Age's Media Guy, Simon Dumenco, had his Calvin Kleins in a twist Monday about a speech — or, as he'd probably prefer, an abomination of a speech — Bonnie Fuller recently delivered to Columbia Journalism School students last month. Fretted Simon, with his own extensive capitalization:

Meanwhile, at NYU:

Sometimes, we get a little ashamed of ourselves that we have only a bachelor's degree. Sometimes, we find ourselves wishing just a little bit that we had an Ivy League degree. Sometimes, we think it'd be nice to have a real job at a real media organization, from which we got employer-paid health and dental, and sick days, and maybe even a Town Car home every now and then. And sometimes we think we probably could have accomplished all these things if we'd just gone to Columbia Journalism School.

Poor Steve Brill. He works and he works and he works, so he can make money and keep a roof overhead and food on the table. And, sure, the Yale kids are happy to take his money — and to be nice when they want the keys to the car, or permission to stay out past curfew. But do they really care about him? Look up to him? Listen to what he has to say? Of course not.

Yesterday, Court TV and Brill's Content founder Steve Brill gave $1 million to his alma mater, Yale, to create the Yale Journalism Initiative, which will fund journalism courses and financial support for summer interns working in journalism.

It is, for the most part, a depressing time to be in the reporting game. Newspapers are dying quickly; magazines are dying only slightly more slowly; and the network news divisions are basically already dead. People in the business are wondering what they'll do; people not in the business are glad they're not; and those in it who are young enough, and smart enough, are making plans to get out. Shockingly, though, The Hartford Courant — American's oldest continuously published newspaper, so they've got something riding on this — has found a group of people bullish on the future of this journalism thing. Is one an upstart analyst, who's found some good news buried in a balance sheet somewhere? Nope. Is there some think-tank graybeard who actually has something good to say about how kids these days are doing journalism? Of course not. Perhaps the one working reporter who finally found employment security and a 401(k) that's not underwater? No way.

• Lindsay Lohan will be hosting a New Year's eve party in Miami. Inexpicably, tickets are only $200 per person, which is quite the bargain for an opportunity to administer speedballs to an A-lister. [IMDb]
• San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker and girlfriend Eva Longoria are pulled over by a "Mexican bike cop." [NYDN]
• While at Pace University, foodie Rachel Ray squandered her tuition money, but Page Six doesn't disclose where the money went. Booze? Hookers? Drugs? Give us something, here. [Page Six]
• Ivana Trump's Australian luxury resort is reduced to a plebeian housing project. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• It's MisShapes — the band. The music may suck, but we're sure their outfits are fantastic. [Page Six]

• We're glad the strike is over for myriad reasons, not the least of which is sparing us from thoughtless, insipid articles about how poorly we dressed just to stay warm. We're sure it was easy to pen crap like that from the comfort of your town car — did Daddy get you that job at the Styles desk? [NYT]
• Nothing a little anal bleaching can't fix. [CNN]
• The only difference we can think of between chick-flick staples Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott is that we see one of them on the street all the time. The, uh, Irish one with the dark hair. [Fametracker]
• Of the five finalists for Jersey's new state slogan, "Love at First Sight" strikes us as the most misleading. [WCBS]
• Brangelina are rumored to have purchased Yves St. Laurent's $25 million Normandy coast summer home, where they will have wild, French animal sex. [The Daily]
• We're sorry, but a sorority just isn't a sorority if it calls itself "feminist." And sisterhood just isn't sisterhood unless you go down on a SigEp first. [Salon]

As it turns out, before Daily Show host and fake news darling Jon Stewart was funny, he was a soccer jock. Too gentle for lacrosse and too petite for football, Stewart played kickball at William & Mary from 1981-1983 — until he realized that no Jew should have quadriceps like that.

But, on the other hand, now that engagement ring is going to be significantly lighter.

• So who's the well-hung former wrestler turned successful gay writer trolling for bottoms on Craigslist? Guesses include Augusten Burroughs, Alex Halberstadt, Aaron Krach, Brad Gooch, and, um, Gore Vidal. One of you is going to have to go undercover and figure this shit out, for real. [Gawker]
• We can't get enough of "hardcore" rapper 50 Cent's photos for GQ's People of the Year feature. So delightfully emasculating! [Style.com]
• Columbia students are "gonna f— this bondage we call clothing and party like the savages we really are." Yes! Ivy-league, UWS, trust-funded savages! [NY Sun]
• Start preparing now for your Thursday Thanksgiving binge: eat a shitload today, and shit a lot tomorrow. [Thrillist]
• Are the Scientologists coordinating a Craigslist invasion? [Craigslist x 3]