The Donald is known for many things—his taste in Eastern European women, his casinos, his TV show—but he's perhaps best, or most endearingly, known for his hair, which seems to follow few rules but his own. In that regard, then, Donald Trump Jr. doesn't take after his dad. He's got the hairstyle that men want to copy and women want to run their fingers through—if they could get through the gel, of course.
• It's official, still: Madonna bought a kid from his dad, filed papers for adoption, and saved Africa from the "evil eye." [AP]
• In a surprising move that suggests he actually gives a shit about making his marriage — and weekly allowance — last, K-Fed tells Britney that she can't have any male dancers in her new video. [Scoop]
• During yesterday's taping, Jennifer Aniston tells Oprah that she and Vince Vaughn are still an item. Oh please, baby Jesus, let this love last. [People]
• While trying to outrun paparazzi, Angelina Jolie's driver hits a teenager on a motorbike. Made the kid's day, actually. [E!]
• Sienna Miller forgets to bring ID to a Pittsburgh bar and resorts to pulling a Polonsky. [Page Six]
• We can't quite ascertain the relevance of the following, but did Eleanor Roosevelt chow box with Amelia Earhart? And can you say "chow box" in reference to historical figures? [R&M]
• Donald Trump ruins Palm Beach skyline with giant American flag. [Page Six]
The Donald appeared Larry King last night, where he mused on pervy congressman Mark Foley, fired lackey Carolyn Kepcher, Martha Stewart...and Kevin Federline. While he didn't comment on K-Fed's moving work on CSI, he did explain how the little wifebeater that could eventually won Trump's bombastic heart. Apparently, it wasn't that hard:
Let it never be said that partially mummified, softball-tossing talk show host Larry King does not have sneakily impressive interviewing skills. King long ago realized that the majority of his guests would probably be inclined to share more of themselves by pampering their hindparts with his desiccated lips (it should go without saying that some kind of balm is applied prior to contact to prevent an unpleasant chafing), rather than by feebly trying to press an orthopedic shoe into their throats. On last night's show, King's ability to put his interrogee at ease was on full display, as the host somehow managed to coax notoriously media-shy real estate developer Donald Trump into sharing his opinions on a variety of
current figures of pop culture interest, first following up on his thoughts about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. On Brad: Smart guy for narrowly dodging the marriage issue! Angelina: Eh, not even that attractive:
Because reality television personality and South Floridian land baron Donald Trump had occasionally hosted disgraced, would-be page-diddler Mark Foley at his Palm Beach Mar-a-Lago resort (which we've heard is the greatest and most luxurious resort in the entire world, and possibly constructed entirely of solid gold) at various social functions, The Donald was recently put in the uncomfortable position of having to decry the former Congressman's unsavory behavior. Trump, never one to shy from any recording device pointed in his direction, did more than just offer the obligatory shock and outrage over his sometime guest's actions; not only did he insinuate that Mar-a-Lago's specially trained guard dogs would be given a whiff of a cocktail napkin Foley once handled to guarantee that any attempt at future party-crashing would be met with a highly prejudicial Doberman mauling, he went on to express his unequivocal distaste for the taboo practice of boy-kissing:
• David Hasselhoff's 14-year-old daughter Hayley "cut herself" on Sunday night in what apparently was a suicide attempt. Not a lot of jokes to be made here, but perhaps The Hoff might want to reconsider his drunken public persona. (And hey, wankers, let's not make fun of aesthetics?) [TMZ]
• After soccerthrob David Beckham was dropped from the English team, he turned to Tom Cruise for comfort. For warmth. For the sort of love that feels like a breath of fresh air after years spent in a cave... [IMDb]
• Steven Tyler has Hepatitis C. What does it mean when you read an item like this and just shrug? [Lowdown]
• In Robert Smigel's new routine, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog will rape an Ernie doll and taunt him for having gay sex with his Sesame Street roommate, Bert. Puppet rape. It's really come to this. [Page Six]
• After just one week of pre-marital bliss, Aaron Carter calls off his engagement. Slow Monday, we know. [Us Weekly]
• If you inhaled during the early 00s, you know and love infomercial psychic Miss Cleo. And if you're a lady, she's ready to love you back. [NYDN]
• File under shit you didn't need to know: Donald Trump's porn name would either be "Big" or "The Trump Tower." [Page Six]
The world of reality television shows that the public occasionally watches because of lingering memories of long-exhausted entertainment value was rocked to its deceptively edited core today, as the NY Post reports that Donald Trump has parted ways—we can't quote bring ourselves to use his trademarked "F" word"—with Apprentice co-executioner Carolyn Kepcher. Among the fireable offenses committed by Kepcher, whose outwardly icy onscreen demeanor obscured the fiery sexpot waiting to doff her blonde helmet wig and sensibly restrictive businesswear the moment the cameras stopped rolling, were the excessive enjoyment of her newfound fame, unacceptable recall of the suggested retail price of the five-irons at her pro shop, and her tragic lack of Trump DNA. Reports the Post:
• Look! Visual proof that Natasha Lyonne is alive, walking upright, not eating dogs, and looking a little thick. Dear God, is she with child? Or just pudgy? Either possibility, combined with the absence of visible sores on her face, suggests that Lyonne may be off the rock. Miracle of miracles. [Splash News]
• Columbia University is launching a full-color weekly magazine — to be edited by none other than Satan's spawn herself, Bee Shaffer. [Bwog]
• Donald Trump is seriously disappointed in Britney Spears. What fasincates us is that he had any hopes for her to begin with. [Trump University]
• Time Out defines and illustrates words like "crackberry, " "underboob," and "celebuskank" (representative example: Tara Reid, of course). Thanks, TONY — we don't know where we'd be without you. [TONY]
• Novelist Kathleen McGowan believes she is the living Da Vinci Code, a direct descendent of the union between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. We believe she's just thought of the best self-promotional pitch ever. [USA Today]
• Britain thinks we work too much. Agreed, but we have to pay for our dental insurance somehow. [Observer]
• Goldman Sachs getting into the hotel business? A Goldman Sex hotel might be more profitable. [Curbed]
• Ashton Kutcher needs to keep an eye on his second cousin. [The Oxford Project]
• Live right above Angela Chase, bump into Jordan Catalano in the elevator. [The Real Estate]
• It's not necessarily #2 at Us Weekly, but this might be just the job for Crazy Us Weekly GuyTM. [Mediabistro]
With the Atlantic City casinos closed down to celebrate the New Jersey budget crisis, would-be gamblers are treated instead to a horrible "deafening quiet" — no ringing of slot machines, cheering of craps players, or shrieking of adenoidal prostitutes. Nevertheless, if you were planning a summer weekend's AC excursion, you still have options. Donald Trump's loss is the Mashantucket Pequots' gain; the tribe's Foxwoods Casino is still open for business, and they've even added extra buses! If you'd already shed enough dignity to overnight in Jersey, how much worse can it be in Connecticut?
· To celebrate his 60th birthday, Donald Trump spent the day wondering if he will seem superficial if he trades in his 36-year-old model wife for an 18-year-old, but ultimately decided to stick with "the old broad" for at least a few more months.
· Finally, a superhero who is too proud to hide his true identity from the public.
· Before you get too impressed that Taylor Hicks topped People's Hottest Bachelors list, consider that two of the lower-position slots are occupied by very available, workaholic-seeming Kenny Chesney and Ryan Seacrest.
· If you're Michael Jackson, "charity" means no else gets paid but you.
· Shiloh inadvertently helps Dodge sell some cars.
This fine summer day marks the 60th birthday of Donald Trump, and the 35th birthday of his comb-over. Doesn't it seem like just yesterday that our little Trumpie was screaming at his incompetent Lincoln Logs? Let's take a moment to remember how it all began:
· Donald Trump and producer R.J. Cutler are planning a Monopoly-based reality series, the specifics of which are still shadowy. All that is known that a monocled, tuxedoed Trump will end each show by stiltedly reading the phrase "Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars" to a disappointed contestant from a cue card. And if the contestant is an attractive woman, he will then invite her to retrieve a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card from his trousers with her teeth. [Variety]
· Universal rewards The Break-Up writers Jeremy Garelick and Jay Lavender by picking up two "high-concept comedy pitches" for $2-3 million. It is unknown if either project was sold with the phrase "Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston star in The Make-Up." [THR]
· "What do you mean that Russell Crowe is out? Shit! OK, get me someone who's still Australian, but far nancier." [Variety]
· Larry Hagman and Kathleen Turner, both still alive (who knew?), sign on for multi-episode arcs on Nip/Tuck. [THR]
· The Dept. of Labor is investigating the WGA for allegedly failing to pay members millions in compensation from foreign taxes, a probe that is not, as far as anyone can tell (yet, anyway), secretly funded by producers, networks, and studios. [Variety]
Recent dads Donald Trump and Adam Sandler stand proudly at the forefront of a movement promoting a return to traditional domestic roles, in which the father is relied upon to provide for his family by starring in stale reality show franchises and/or one-joke movies based entirely around magic-imbued electronic devices, their wives expected to pose elegantly for visiting In Style photographers, and, somewhere down a long hallway in a nursery room outfitted with the latest in fashionable cribware, an around-the-clock staff tending to their soiled little ones, dusting their fresh bottoms in the finest powdered gold.
• Parenting groups zone in on Brad Pitt, who's spotted taking a bike ride in Namibia with a helmet-less baby Zahara riding in a blue papoose strapped around him. Britney Spears is thrilled. [R&M]
• After a fight with Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes flies solo to Ohio to introduce baby Suri to her horrified family and friends. [Scoop]
• The cause of the brawl between Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger had nothing to do with Rose dating Hilfiger's brother's ex-wife. No, Axl got clocked because of the usual, inebriated reasons. [Page Six]
• At a charity auction, guest auctioneer Donald Trump yells at a bidder to "put your fucking hand down" and notes that the winner of a vacation package needs to lose 50 or 60 pounds. [Lowdown]
• James Gandolfini acknowledges that he's too old to fight in Iraq, but he'd still go and drive a truck or something. Just don't let him zip around Fallujah on a Vespa — we all know how that'll turn out. [Page Six]
• Complete unconfirmed, but: did Gwen Stefani finally have that damn baby? [Insider Gossip]
• A UK court rules that it's OK to publicly confirm that Kevin Costner is the actor accused of exposing himself to a masseuse at St. Andrew's. Welcome out of the closet, buddy — hope you enjoyed what was left of your career, 'cause that shit's over. Er, more over than it was before today. [Times UK]
• At the Learning Annex, the founder of Jossip.com, David Hauslaib, will reveal all the secrets of professional blogging. But will he reveal how to get into Daily News gossip hottie Ben Widdicombe's pants? [Learning Annex]
• Oh poor, poor Bee Shaffer! The daughter of Vogue EIC Anna Wintour will have her Costume Institute ballgown "molded" to her body by Karl Lagerfeld. Oh, the unbearable burden of being a spoiled glamourpuss. [NY Sun]
• Project Runway 3 will debut this summer, meaning that the designers are rumored to show at fall Fashion Week. [Reality Blurred]
• Donald Trump takes his brand to Philly for some new casinos. He also brings along some poor planning, considering the Nicetown residents would rather have a grocery store. [Philadelphia Magazine]
• We really, really hope that Barbra Streisand was put in her place for wearing stretch pants. She should know better. [NE]
• People magazine scores the first baby pics of Barron Trump, to be revealed in next week's issue. Barron, however, is no baby Brangelina — he only fetched mid-six figures. Not even a month old and already a failure. [Page Six]
• Elle's international creative director Gilles Bensimon may be slowly pushed out the door, leaving EIC Roberta Myers in charge of delegating fabulousness. [Lowdown (3rd item)]
• 23-year-old Denise Vasi's family thinks her boyfriend Russell Simmons, at 50 years of age, is too old for her. It's always nice to see basic math skills in action. [R&M]
• After a mere five days, fairy-throated boxed Mike Tyson leaves a Phoenix rehab clinic where he was being treated for cocaine addiction — and the entire staff exhales. [Page Six]
• Tom Cruise says he has a "spectacular" sex life with Katie Holmes. We can't imagine. Seriously, not even capable of conjuring the visuals on this one. [IMDb]
As we mentioned early this morning, one of the best parts of the JPS/Payola Six story is that Richard Johnson is that it's breaking as P6 king Richard Johnson is heading off to get married tomorrow, making this the most amazing wedding present ever. And where will Johnson and his consort, Sessa von Richthofen, tie the knot?
