Bravely taking the Larry King Live lukewarmseat last night to promote her new E! reality series, Denise Richards: I'm Hateful, the actress fielded a barrage of intermittently relevant softballs from the broadcast legend ("Charlie Sheen: Father of your children?...Good guy?...What does he bench press, around?...Iron Man: your kind of movie?...Where do you fall on tofu?"), which she dutifully answered with refreshing candidness. Sadly, she and Sheen are not currently speaking, with Richards relying on her commando-nanny go-between to shuffle their children between the households, deftly avoiding concussion on her mad dash back to the Land Rover at the hands of a Sheen-manned pneumatic tennis-ball cannon. [Larry King Live]

From the network that brought you such essential Hollywood lifestyle viewing as Hangin' With the Kardashians As They Talk About Makeup in Their Money-Laundering-Front Dress Shop comes a new reality series that should prove to be no less compelling. In this preview for E!'s Denise Richards: It's Complicated (original title: A Shot at Love with Denise Richards and Her Two Demi-Orphans As a Result of their Sex-Addict Father Running Off to Follow His Cheerleader Orgy Dreams and Falling For the Trampy Love of His Life in the Process), Richards discovers her page on celebrity STD-transmission tracker whosdatedwho.com, and is forced to address some of the questionable life choices she's made.

What would the world's oldest profession do without Charlie Sheen? Hollywood's most famed lover of pay-for-play has been outed by his current madam in the newest issue of Rolling Stone, who claims that his prostitution habit is still going stronger than ever — even after court-ordered rehab. As "Nici" tells celebrity exposé specialist Vanessa Grigoriadis in the story, she "dropped four girls off at his penthouse, [and] found the actor in silk pajamas with 'C. MaSheen' embroidered over the pocket. Sheen gave her a $20,000 check for the girls, and she picked them up several hours later." And while the fact that Sheen is (allegedly) still romping around with escorts after all these years is pretty pathetic, even more so is his publicist's excuse:

Former BFFs Heather Locklear and Denise Richards have each enjoyed watching the other's respective star status fall farther with each passing year, but the good news is they both share something in common to smile about. While it's not exactly an Emmy, they both look hot in bikinis. Heather's gone from starring in a hit primetime drama and being the object of many a male fantasy to her current role in a Lifetime movie about women over 40 or something. And Denise? Well, after impressing nearly every male on the planet with her pouty lips and lesbian pool antics in Wild Things, she earned the title of Mrs. Charlie Sheen (quite an honor, indeed). Now? She's filming some kind of reality show that no one cares about. What do we care about? Who looks better in their red bikinis, and who's the better surfer! Judge for yourselves after the jump:

Poor flipper-footed Denise Richards just can't catch a break. Following news that ex Charlie Sheen is trying to halt production of what could well become the apex of the washed-up celeb-centric reality show genre, Richards' bad luck streak continues with news that her performance as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough was just voted the Worst Bond Girl of All-Time by Bond's horndoggiest fans.

Charlie Sheen and ex-wife/mortal enemy Denise Richards were back in family court yesterday, arguing behind closed doors over Richards's decision to expose her life, and the lives of her young children, to reality show cameras. From the EOnline.com report:

Charlie Sheen, author of the "go cry to your bald mom" e-mail suggesting his ex-wife Denise Richards might have more luck extracting sympathy from her cancer-suffering mother than from him, is painfully familiar with the sometimes irreversible consequences of indulging one's impulses. Luckily for him, however, lasers can remove the patchwork of ridiculous tattoos covering his body, as requested by fiancée Brooke "I'd rather not have to stare at Puff the Bookish Dragon every time we make love, honey" Mueller. From Page Six:

• Just when you thought nothing to do with the failed marriage of Two and A Half Men star Charlie Sheen and softcore somebody Denise Richards could ever, ever be interesting! ""Go cry to your bald mom, you [bleeping] loser," he emailed her once. Her mom is undergoing chemo. [Page Six]
  

The rare olive branch in the ongoing Charlie Sheen-Denise Richards divorce came in an e-mail dated Aug. 24, when, according to court documents, Sheen apologized for a wide array of regrettable remarks he made about his ex-wife and her family, including "a comment about your poor Mom," "your abilities as a mother," and "my pigheaded assertion that you pressed the button that detonated the second tower." Fox411 has revisited the papers to find what, exactly, was contained in those enraged correspondences he so desperately wishes he could unsend:

Yet more from the ongoing custody battle between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, which began as a shame-free environment, and has quickly degenerated from there: Richards has now employed a former nanny to make several nauseating allegations about Sheen inappropriately touching his daughters. Not that he's all bad: She also acknowledges that Charlie has made an effort at mending fences, particularly with the following retraction:

Highest paid pom-pom-fetishist in television Charlie Sheen appeared in family court yesterday, defending himself against ex-wife Denise Richards, who sought to have overnight visits with their toddler-aged children revoked. As evidence, she once again warned the judge that they could be irreversibly scarred after stumbling onto his now well-known stash of bookmarked pep squad internet porn pages:

If you were under the impression that Charlie Sheen's recent betrothal meant that his ugly and very public divorce from Denise Richards was finalized, you'd be mistaken, as there are still a great many unresolved matters of asset division and child custody between the warring couple. There are also unlikely glimmers of reconciliation, however, as Sheen now claims he has documented proof that Richards wanted to conceive a third child with the actor even after she discovered the ugly, trampolining-cheerleader truth. From People.com:

Because we once swore on a stack of six-month-old glossies in the lobby of a shady direct-to-video production company in Simi Valley to exhaustively chronicle every celebrity detox attempt that crossed our desks—with no celebrity too paunchy, sunburned, or sloppy-seconded to escape our scrutiny—we pass along news of the latest in what will surely go down as a bounty year for rehabs:

• Remember that incredibly fake-seeming video of Lindsay Lohan "hitting" a paparazzo with her car? The guy is suing. [Page Six]
  

• George Soros and Queen Noor, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. [R&M]
  

In a Vancouver suburb shooting Blonde and Blonder (a movie co-starring Pamela Anderson, and described, for those of you too blonde and/or dumb to figure it out, as "Legally Blonde meets Dumb and Dumber"), former Charlie Sheen trampoline partner Denise Richards went on a computer-hurling rampage when she discovered two paparazzi had managed to infiltrate the movie's closed set:

In a pre-taped interview set to air on Ellen DeGeneres' show today (TMZ has the video), Hollywood's highest paid TV comedy star, Charlie Sheen, appears to have found it in his heart to mend fences with ex-wife Denise Richards, despite still harboring some traces of bitterness over that time she announced to the world that he's an abusive, jailbait internet porn junkie and online hook-up addict. Sheen even goes so far as to reluctantly approve the new guy in her life, Richie Sambora:

· It's nice to see that Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards could settle their divorce issues amicably, before any nastiness about drugs, gambling, and jailbait porn could disrupt their incredibly peaceful family life.
· Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson must be really serious about the end of their marriage—their rep isn't even bothering to lie about it.
· From the "actresses are crazy" file: Showrunners love nothing more than to pick up their morning paper and read about how a cast member thinks they know nothing about the character they created and are bent on removing all acting "choices" with some malicious editing.
· We imagine that Scary Hollywood Lawyers like Marty Singer are at their most terrifying when they're chasing after celebrity clients to pay their legal fees.
· We have no idea what ability our favorite local Chinese restaurant has to wage war, but some misguided hackers sure seem pissed off about it. [Note: The restaurant in question is Chi Dynasty in Los Feliz, but we removed the link to their website after a couple of readers said the site might be harboring a virus. We use Firefox, so we didn't see it.]

Once again, the tabloid press has fallen for the clever tricks of the Charlie Sheen PR machine, which slyly seeks to reinforce the actor's alleged, All-American taste for the company of barely legal (legal being the operative word), spanky-panted pom-pom girls through the gossip column testimony of former enablers of his pigtail fetish .Says Page Six: