As times have changed, so have our ideas about the beauty of celebrity maternity. It's time that a magazine embraces this new paradigm to create an iconic cover that reflects the grace of the famous, childbearing female form in a way that speaks to the tabloid generation. The gauntlet is thrown.
The Gods of Pointless Fashion are very, very angry with the feet of L.A.'s dead-eyed fashionistas. They've dispatched this newest below-the-knee plague through the sartorial glory hole of Kitson, an army of rabid, pom-pom wielding rabbits in feather head-dresses with a mission to assault out-of-vogue Uggs and Mukluks and create an evil, hybrid footwear stolen from the closet of a flamboyantly gay Predator.
· Variety and THR offer their tributes to Peter Jennings. Mercifully, Var doesn't say that Jennings "ankled" his mortal coil. [Variety, THR]
· DreamWorks sends a "vote of confidence" by extending the contracts of production president Adam Goodman and producers Walter Parkes and Laurie MacDonald, bolting down the furniture on the Titanic before prospective buyer Universal can rearrange it. [Variety]
· Charlie and the Chocolate Factory continues its impressive run at the international box office. [THR]
· Props are due: ABC is first out of the gate with a John Paul II biopic, which Var headlines "ABC's Up With Papal." Nicely played. [Variety]
· Bravo tacks on two more episodes to their order of Being Bobby Brown, giving the world an "inside look" at the homes where the phrases "Hell to the no" and "dootie bubble" were born. [THR]
· Miramax's production co-president Jon Gordon will play out the string on his contract before taking the same job with Universal. We loved his scene-stealing work on the first season of Project Greenlight. [Variety]
After spending two development seasons discovering that merely being Jewish didn't guarantee the pick-up of one of his sitcom pilots, LAT Sunday Hollywood opinion-haver Joel Stein briefly thrusts himself into the bosoms of Scientology and Kabbalah. Stein finds the hot fake-Jewesses of the K-Centre preferable to the tasty brunch of the Celeb Centre, leading to some truly disturbing red-string cockring and handjob imagery:
The ongoing war between celebrities and the paparazzi took another ugly turn when a photographer trying to snap some pictures of Britney Spears at a bridal shower fell victim to an unknown assailant, taking a BB in the leg on Saturday. Strangely, the report makes no mention of potential suspect Kevin Federline or his five gold medals in Air Rifle Marksmanship from the White Trash Olympics.
· Crafting an incredibly lifelike representation of Sienna Miller out of Blu-tak has to be worth more than a single British pound. Doesn't anyone appreciate craftsmanship anymore?
· Fametracker comes up with a pretty good name for the Big Three celebrity rags: Ustarple. Never waste your breath differentiating between them again!
· Porn is all around you, you just need to know where to look.
· "Medieval sword, mallet, armor no match for ye olde Taser"—The Smoking Gun illustrates why RenFair revolts don't happen as often as we'd like.
· Just because one of the Michael Jackson jurors had a thing where she secretly communicated with Jackson's mom, and coordinated the occasional outfit with her, doesn't mean there was any funny business going on.
Friday
· The ArcLight once again schedules dueling Q & A's, making you choose between chatting with The Aristocrats director Paul Provenza and Hustle & Flow actress Taraji P. Henson following screening of their movies. (You have another shot at Provenza Saturday night if you opt for H&F tonight.)
· Free stuff: Composer and performer George Sarah, a string section and special guest artists hit the stage at California Plaza in Downtown Los Angeles. Yup, we said it was free.
Saturday
· Music, Music: Teenage Fanclub at Knitting Factory, Devo at the House of Blues.
· Like to get boozed up on the deck of a yacht, but lack the funds necessary to acquire your own ship? The Yacht Affairs Cruise Club wine tasting sounds like the place for you.
Sunday
· Because all cooking should be competitive: The Farmer's Market 11th Anniversary & Annual Chili Cook-Off at the Beverly Hills Farmers Market. [seventh item]
· Your quest to class it up once in a while could include a night of classical musical with the legendary Yo-Yo Ma at the Hollywood Bowl. You might want to nap off the chili for a couple of hours beforehand, though.
A Defamer spy watched in horror as a mobile pet grooming van found itself immobilized in the parking structure at the Pavilions at Beverly and Olympic, an accident that threatened to wreak untold havoc on the schedules of spoiled pets all over town:
Extra is reporting that Eddie Murphy's wife has filed for divorce. If a relationship that's already survived a tranny hooker can't last forever, what hope is there for any of us?
Some of our readers have penetrated the perimeter defenses of Amanda Scheer Demme's Poolside Celebrity Reacharound Lounge at Tropicana Bar Plaza in the Roosevelt Hotel, where only L.A.'s fanciest and most connected cocktail-pounders dare to tread. These are their stories:
With our Daisy Dukes fully wedgied into our hindquarters, we're ready to unleash this weekend's box office predictions:
After nearly an entire summer spent in gastronomic discontent, the Defamer Special Movie Premiere Food Critic returns to gorge on the post-screening spreads of Hollywood, this time glutting himself at last night's Red Eye party. Would DreamWorks serve up airline food, or did the flailing studio let its culinary ambition soar much higher? Enjoy your meal:
· Like DreamWorks and its Shrek 2 DVD disappointment, Pixar overestimates Incredibles home video sales. On the bright side, it looks like their relationship with the Eisner Disney might be saved. Isn't it amazing what Michael Eisner's retirement can do? [Variety]
· Lightly mummified Viacom executive Sumner Redstone announces that he will relinquish his CEO title to Les Moonves and Tom Freston once the company splits. His work finally done, Redstone will then collapse into a pile of dust, and his jewelry, fillings, and clothes divided equally by the two new CEOs. [THR]
· Carsey-Werner's Tom Werner and the Mosaic Media Comedy Mafia's Jimmy Gold and Erik Miller set up their sitcom Death Star at Warner Bros TV. [Variety]
· Motorcycle Diaries duo Walter Salles and Jose Rivera team up again to adapt On the Road for American Zoetrope, enabling a new generation of people to plan drug-fueled road trips they'll never actually take. [THR]
· Bob and Harvey Weinstein pick up Tom Yum Goong, the latest from Thai martial arts star Tony Jaa, resulting in our favorite Var headline of the week: "Weinsteins buy Thai." [Variety]
From time to time, we dip into the mail bag and turn over some blogspace to an opposing viewpoint. In response to our posts about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's recent trip to Lake Havasu, Arizona (in which the couple's local itinerary was recreated in painstaking detail, right down to Pitt's choice in IHOP breakfast). Writes "Disgusted with Your Story":
The premiere issue of OK! magazine (think US Weekly, but without the edge) wastes no time in establishing its trendspotting chops, whispering the location of the secret "Hollywood getaway" that lures the A-list with its siren call. And where exactly is this exotic locale, where the jet-set seeks refuge from the grind of Los Angeles? Hint: You may be standing on it right now! The answer after the jump:
