· After reportedly gobbling up Lindsay Lohan's leftovers with Wilmer Valderrama, "singer" Ashlee Simpson is licking face with Butter co-owner Scott Sartiano — presumably, her tongue will remove any traces of Scott Sartiano's ex, Ashley Olsen. [Page Six]
· Hip-hop mogul P. Diddy loses in court after a judge rules that he must pay $250K a year in child support, which is the highest amount in the history of New York. Cue tearful interviews about his son being used as a scam. [NYDN]
· Mary-Kate uses alcohol to induce vomiting, which is technically an improvement. [Gatecrasher]
· Apparently the readers of Child magazine don't think Britney Spear's husband Kevin Federline will be a good father. Poor Federletus. [Scoop (last item)]
· Photographer Dave LaChappelle expresses his fondness for krumping, Amanda Lepore, and Pam Anderson, but not Page Six wizard Richard Johnson. [R&M]

Today on Today: Rachel Pine just sat down with Al Roker to promote The Twins of Tribeca, her thinly-veiled roman clef about life as a Miramax drone. After the requisite, friendly interview questions, Al Roker grew a bit more animated. A rough transcription:

There's been huge news going on at Morgan Stanley over the last week, and we've been remiss in not mentioning it. New York and Newsweek explain things today, and the Times continues on the story. Unfortunately, our eyes just keep glazing over.

• Entertainment Weekly launched a blog last week, snubbing Jeff Jarvis.
• People named Jason Mulgrew the hottest bachelor blogger last week, snubbing Ron Mwangaguhunga.

Oh, Heavens to Betsy! The Post is reporting that not only do people in New York have sex, but they have it in public places and on camera.

• Think the defeat of the West Side Stadium means New York won't get a new sports arena? Think again. And again. And again.
• Radar reports that Russian gadfly Inna De Silva may or may not have fleeced New York mag and Phoebe Eaton for a luxury vacation in Monaco on Kurt Andersen's editorial watch. Eaton says it's untrue, Radar says it is. We're too hot to investigate further.
• Can't quite get your mind around the TomKat trainwreck? Neither could we. Fortunately, trainwreck expert Lizzie Grubman was there to help us through this trying time.
• Like, it's so totally awesome that Mr. Big knows our name. Now if only he'd stop lying about us.
• It's amazing what your gay ex-husband's oil millions can buy: Gawker spies visited the HuffPost's pleasure dome.
• A famous editor has a diaper fetish, but we have no idea who it is.
• Tucker Carlson's MSNBC show debuted, and Henry the Intern once again has a reason to live.
• We get ignored at lunch.
• And it was a sad week for notorious New York real estate.

To quote a reader who put it best, this morning's blind items were "perhaps the most elementary blind items" in the history of man. On the other hand, it's Friday and we'd all be pissy if we had to think about anything too hard. Grass is always greener, gang. Onward:

Friday:
· For the adventurous with money to burn, Modest Mouse is (ironically?) playing Atlantic City's Borgata Casino tonight. Why not liquidate your mutual fund and make a weekend of it? [CityAtlantic]
· NYC's finest photobloggers embrace human contact tonight at the Apple Store. We're guessing the afterparty will be somwhere on the LES. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
· Little Brother, Medina Green, Brand Nubian and more convene in Billyburg for the Brooklyn Hip-Hop fest. Free tickets, solid beats, and the Brooklyn Brewery — yeah, you're so going, just reserve your tix before they run out. [flavorpill]
· We don't know what else to say other than the New York City Gay Men's Chorus: Season of Pride show at Skirball will be worth every damn penny. [Paper]
Sunday:
· Happy Father's Day! If you're not too busy thanking your dad for getting you out of that nasty credit card situation back in 1997, Chicago house legend Derrick Carter takes on NYC's Miss Honey at Cielo. [flavorpill]

A Defamer operative breaks down the gift bag from last night's LA Film Festival kickoff event, reminding us all that even if a partygoer has had a nice enough time pounding down your free liquor, all he's going to rememberis the lame sack full of mints, popcorn, and foot maintenance products you hand him on his way out the door:

· Isn't it about time you had a say in whatever absurd acronym they slap on your 'hood? Curbed thinks so, and they've got a roundup of neighborhoods in need of names. Personally, we think area between Tribeca and Soho desperately deserves to be called ToeHo. [Curbed]
· Is Thursday in Soho really Thursday in Soho without an explosion? We think not. [Verbose Coma]
· Sean Penn is tough, even in Iran. [BWE]
· Print out this Tom-and-Katie piece of art, hang it over your cauldron and sacrifice your first born — then, and maybe then, we might be able to stop this sort of thing. [Gallery of the Absurd]
· When blogs and Billy Joel collide, nobody wins. [FishbowlNY]

• New IFC Center promises free lunch to attendees after today's noon screening of Me and You and Everyone We Know. Runtime is 90 minutes, plus trailers, so you've still got a half-hour to sneak in. [The Reeler]
• Finally, a reason to read (or at least to accept the offer of) the Times's new Marketplace tabloid: Slim chance you might get a free Metrocard. [Manhattan Offender]
• Manhattan children should be beaten. Frequently. [Manda_Land]
• Even at test screenings for movie based on best-selling books — in this case, Everything Is Illuminated post-movie surveys ask if viewers would prefer to see the ending changed. [Depressed Reader of Depressing Books]

Clyde Haberman gets some prime Page One real estate in today's Times to consider a weighty question heretofore unexamined amid New York's recent stadiapalooza: Whither the name "Shea"?

So. AIDS in South Africa, genocide in Sudan, and Tom Cruise is now engaged to Katie Holmes. The mind reels, doesn't it? Even jaded souls such as ours can't quite comprehend why this sort of trainwreck is considered good publicity — so we turned to our favorite trainwreck expert, PR princess Lizzie Grubman, for analysis:

Ready for another peek into our Time Out time capsule? Today, let's see what Time Out's 1990 New York City guidebook had to say about life in the big city then, when you could get from Times Square to the LES for "$4 to $5," the "latest dance craze" was "vogueing," and the Times (at 40 daily) was cheaper than the Village Voice, then a buck:

Because, like us, you probably have the attention span of an amphetamine-addled gnat, we just wanted to remind you that bus-riding actress Rosie O'Donnell is still blogging, and she's ready to take her james-joyce-as-e.e.-cummings prose to the always pressing issue of CNN sorta-anchor Aaron Brown:

· Ralph Nader says the n-word, sign-stealing in the Hamptons, and Mary-Kate Olsen drops it like its hot at B8 — could this be the best Lloyd Grove column ever? [Lowdown]
· We're not sure which is more entertaining: That Bobby Brown was told he'd have to wait 45 minutes to be seated for dinner, or the fact that this happened at the Times Square Olive Garden. [Page Six]
· The decorations and accoutrements for a showplace penthouse at the Trump Park Avenue have been stolen, but no Vogue assistants were spotted on the scene. [R&M]
· The Mercer Hotel is going to love that one of its former employees has been outed as keeping an online documentation of the celebrity debauchery she witnessed. [Page Six]

It's not surprising when W. tries to screw over the city financially, but, still, it's worth noting. Reports the News:

Oh, for joy, 'tis Friday and Page Six comes bearing gifts. With varying degrees of difficulty, everyone can enjoy this batch of blind items:

It seems we did a handful of posts on this two and a half years ago, but someone has a long memory:

A Gawker spy forced to attend last night's Entertainment Weekly party had a pleasant surprise, being so fortunate as to directly overhear a poor reporter try to interview Sex and the City alum and local dipsomaniac Chris Noth. When asked what he doesn't like about fame, Mr. Big stammered for a moment before answering, "Gawker!" OMG, he knows our name?