• Everyone except your mother is name-checked at tonight s 826NYC benefit at Symphony Space: Daily Show correspondents Samantha Bee, Rob Corddry, and Ed Helms, Le Tigre frontwoman Kathleen Hanna, and Amy Sedaris model new Marc Jacobs and Zac Posen designs. Sarah Vowell, The Incredibles Edna Mode, and comedian Patton Oswalt give various superhero-themed performances. Author John Hodgman hosts. A marching band performs. Dave Eggers even gives out free weed to the first 500 guests. Just kidding! Wholesome, clean hipster lit/fashion fun for everyone. [Symphony Space]
• Norm Macdonald performs at the Nokia Theater tonight. Note to self: if you like your comedians actually funny as opposed to funny cause they re awkward, The Cultured Comedy Club debuts a monthly series of progressive political comedians at the New York Society for Ethical Culture. [Upcoming & TONY]
• Hirsute freak-folker Devendra Banhart and the Hairy Fairy Band perform at Webster Hall tonight. The whole affair should smell nice. [flavorpill]

• Joan Didion continues her quest to make you feel bad about bitching about the small things in life when she reads from The Year of Magical Thinking at the 92nd Street Y tonight. Whatever, we're still pissed our FreshDirect order is (now) more than 2 hours late. No magical thinking is gonna help that situation. [92Y]
• Pioneer Theater plays host to anti-Mormon propaganda film Trapped by the Mormons. If you only see one Mormonsploitation flick in your lifetime, make it this one. [flavorpill]
• Is it hipster-approved to say that we sort of hate Death Cab for Cutie? No? Well, then they're not playing tonight at Hammerstein. [Upcoming]

• Ahh, Saved by the Bell: that iconic showcase of bad 80s fashion that paved the way for Mario Lopez to star in a series of successively bad talk shows, for Mark-Paul Gosselaar to be the subject of endless internet speculation as to whether or not he died in a car accident, and for Elizabeth Berkley to star in, well, the most unintentionally funny movie ever released about a whore. All of which leads us to the Apocalypse Lounge, which hosts "Bayside! The Un-Musical" tonight. Don't forget to bring your Hot Sundae cassette tapes for an autograph. [Upcoming]
• A murdered socialite narrates Amy Tan's new novel, in which a group of the woman's friends get lost in the jungle of a war-torn Southeast Asian country. See? Not all chick lit involves pointy shoes and benevolent fag hags. Just most of it. [TONY]
• 60 minutes of cool commercials, cool music videos, and cool Djs at The Newspace's presentation of Onescreen tonight. Should be...cool? [flavorpill]

• No ticket for Franz Ferdinand at MSG? Flavorpill recommends the Dirty Three show at Bowery Ballroom. Moody Australian post-rock is the new Scottish dance-punk, anyway. [flavorpill]
• New Yorker editor David Remnick appears at the E. 17th Street Barnes and Noble to discuss his decision to make available every single issue of the magazine since 1925 on eight DVD-ROMs for the low, low, price of $61.11. Make sure to yell at him for not making the actual text searchable. [Paper]
• New Yorker (yes, they all come out on Monday) scribe Nicholas Lemann and New York Review of Books contributor Michael Massing partake in a panel discussion at Columbia on how "value-laden language" influences public opinion on hot-button social issues. Better to drink before this one. [TONY]

Friday:
• Brother/sister duo The Fiery Furnaces bang their keyboards at Town Hall tonight. Their grandmother, who provides vocals on their latest album, does not. [flavorpill]
• Ryan McGinness appears at Deitch tonight for his book party. Be sure to ask him how you too can make money off of drawing brightly colored circles. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• Tokion's annual Creativity Now conference kicks off at Cooper Union. Whether or not you're willing to shell out $75 to hear David Cross and Chappelle's Show wizard Neal Brennan discuss why white people can use the n-word is completely up to you. [flavorpill]
• Are you a dirty pervert? A bunch of comedians try their hand at telling the Aristocrats joke at the People's Improv Theater. Are you a dirty hipster? The Rapture play a free show at Tribeca Grand. [Paper]
Sunday:
• It's the night you've been waiting for: the Broadway Gospel celebration hosted by Star Jones! Okay, don't laugh — it's for AIDS charities. But still? Broadway. Gospel. Star Jones. You're picking up what we're putting down, good cause aside. [TONY]

• We think this Internets thing is gonna be huge. Videobloggers agree and tonight screen their collected works culled from the reaches of the superhighway. Video and internet automatically equals porn, so it should be fun. [Upcoming]
• Have you heard of this guy, Ben Kunkel? No? He wrote some book about a confused 28-year-old with decision-making problems. We hear it's gonna be big. [Happy Ending]
• The New Pornographers (and old Pornographer Dan Bejar) play you some nice pop tunes at Webster Hall tonight. Get the early and soak in the sounds of Destroyer. Trust us, it's worth braving the monsoon. [flavorpill]

• Esquire crash test dummy A.J. Jacobs appears at Strand Bookstore tonight to participate in a trivia quiz tie-in for his book, The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World. If you don't actually want to go, feel free to outsource someone in your stead. [Strand]
• The editors of the Onion read from Embedded in America: Complete News Archives Volume 16 at the Astor Place Barnes and Noble tonight. Go and heckle them about their softball skills. [Upcoming]
• Fag-tastic comedian Graham Norton riffs on all things gay (sample topics: casual sex, Craiglist, and chatrooms — his examples, not ours) in the first of a 12-show set at the Village Theater. [flavorpill]

While cruising J-Date ("browsing" is an inadequate way to describe the experience, is it?), a reader came across director Luke Greenfield's profile:

• Brits Kieran Hebden (aka Four Tet) and Jamie Lidell perform at Bowery Ballroom tonight. Flavorpill claims "you won't see a better 'laptop' show this decade." We dare not argue with such clairvoyant gusto. [flavorpill]
• Joan Didion's newest work, The Year of Magical Thinking, chronicles her attempt to deal with the sudden death of her husband (novelist John Gregory Dunne) while her only daughter lays in a coma. We generally prefer not to shatter our fragile and highly skewed perception of reality with actual perspective, so we re not touching it. But we've read it's good. Union Square Barnes and Noble, 7pm. [TONY]
• The benevolent folks at Bookforum throw "A Night of New Orleans" at Cooper Union's Great Hall, featuring readings by Robert Stone, Donna Tartt, Roy Blount, Jr. and others. Better late than never, we suppose. [Bookforum]

Friday:
• Flavorpill teams up with the Guggenheim to bring you First Fridays, a monthly DJ party at the museum. We always thought our appreciation of 13th century Russian artwork would be augmented with some thumpin' drum and bass. [flavorpill]
• Like every other potential Nobel Prize frontrunner in recent history, Bono follows kicks off his weekend with a show at MSG. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• Who is the Most Complex Conceptual Artist of Our Time? Fuck if we know, but head to Avalon (not a misprint) tonight at 10pm to find out: Works by everyone to Andy Warhol to Salvador Dali will be on display, and you get an open bar for your efforts. Who knew shitty Guido club-going could be so, like, intellectually stimulating?
• Bet you didn't know Architecture Week is about to kick off in New York, with hundreds of sites spread over all five boroughs opening their doors for you to come pass judgment on. We couldn't think of a better time to trek all around the city via subway visiting important landmarks. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• 26 cats and 7 clowns shimmy up poles, leap from 20-foot platforms, walk tightropes, and ride dogs barebacked. You can't make this shit up. [flavorpill]

Top Five Searches on msn.com at the moment:

• De La Soul headline a show at Central Park sponsored by Al Gore focus-group lovespawn Current TV. Because nothing says "cutting edge youth culture" like a band who released their seminal album in 1989. [TBTV]
• Kurt Vonnegut sips on some good old-fashion haterade with Pulitzer Prize winner Art Buchwald, Air America scribe Barry Crimmins, and The Realist founder Paul Krassner as part of the New York Society of Ethical Culture's "Beating Around the Bush." Don't worry, the name of the program is likely less clever than the participants. [SevenStories]
• Brooklyn-based stellastarr* play a sold-out show at Irving Plaza tonight with Giant Drag and The Twenty Twos. Scalping is imminent. Nada Surf play Bowery if you like your music more ironically sentimental. [flavorpill]

Like a catty friend with a canny ability to compliment your dress while slyly calling attention to your saggy boobs, MSN Movies simultaneously celebrates/claws out the eyes of its favorite, most underrated actresses. Let the meowing begin:

• So, last week we said that we were officially waving goodbye to Katrina benefits in the to-do list. Yeah, we lied. Tonight at Mo' Pitkins, Vice Records' Adam Shore and MTV Unplugged's Alex Coletti bring you (we kid not) "When Every Second Counts: How to Organize a Successful Benefit Concert ASAP," plus the tunage of Dave Deporis, The Black Spoons, and Bravo Silva. After all, it's always good to stock up on batteries, non-perishable food items, and disaster-related indie marketing expertise before the next hurricane hits. [MoPitkins]
• Mike Albo, Gary Shteyngart, Adam Haslett, and The Believer's hot-tubbing editor, Heidi Julavits, read from some of the works of Italy's best young writers as part of The Writer s Life: Italy and America at the Used Book Caf . Wine and cheese to follow, natch. [flavorpill]
• The Decemberists play Webster Hall. If you can t make time to hear Colin Meloy s quaint little pop ditties tonight, you ll get another chance tomorrow. [Upcoming]

A high-level Defamer operative found this discarded business card on the street while walking his dog in front of Beverly Hills High the other night. Did our man-on-the-street stumble upon an artifact of a Lolitaesque relationship gone bad? Was a forward-thinking E! producer scouting a target-rich environment for True Hollywood Story's future class of Tinseltown flame-outs? Or, unimpressed by a basic cable come-on, did a savvy high-schooler toss aside the card, withholding the jailbaity goods until someone from a network show strolled by? We could be way off on all counts, but we love a mystery.

• Another Bullshit Night in Suck City writer Nick Flynn tells you how he spent his early twenties being an alcoholic bum at a reading at Sebastian Junger haunt Half King. We re still waiting for our turn to pen a memoir about being an alcoholic bum in our early twenties. [Half King]
• Architecture in Helsinki are actually from Australia, but they play Warsaw at the Polish National Home in Brooklyn tonight. Quirky chamber pop has never made us feel more mislead, or multinational. [Paper]
• Tonight s Hurricane Katrina show at Bowery Ballroom featuring Sufjan Stevens, Adam Green, and Grizzly Bear is, unfortunately, sold out. Though if you haven t given to the Red Cross by now, attending a single benefit concert likely isn t saving your soul. [flavorpill]

So you poll a thousand New Yorkers and ask them what topics come up most often at "dinner parties" and these are the results?

Friday:
• Detroit's Electric Six, says Flavorpill, has a "reputation for campy disco among the hipster cognoscenti." We can't imagine how this is possibly a selling point, but they play at Bowery Ballroom. [flavorpill]
• See how funny Curb Your Enthusiasm star Jeff Garlin is without cranky Jew sidekick Larry David when he performs standup tonight at Caroline's. [Caroline's]
• Or you can just crash the Miramax party at M1-5, where we hear the open bar is also open to you, Joe Public.
Saturday:
It's time for a classic Battle of the Boroughs!
• Indie legends the Pixies and Gang of Four headline the Across the Narrows Festival in Brooklyn (along with Built to Spill, Rilo Kiley, and Death From Above 1979). [Upcoming]
OR
• The Killers and Interpol take the stage in Staten Island. We'll be damned if we're breaking our Staten Island cherry over this, so Brooklyn it is. [Upcoming]
Sunday:
• Madlib, J-Rocc, and Cut Chemist take the stage with some Brazilian drummers at Spirit (for free, no less). Regardless, you're gonna have to try a lot harder to drag us away from Desperate Housewives. [RareForm]

• Princeton prof Paul Krugman speaks at the 92nd Street Y on topics ranging from as Social Security to international trade. The $25 ticket price, unfortunately, is not included in your TimesSelect package. [flavorpill]
• AIDS activist Larry Kramer and New Yorker scribe Michael Specter appear at The Strand bookstore to discuss Kramer's latest book, The Tragedy of Today's Gays. We're not even touching this joke without a pair of latex gloves. [Strand Books]
• Imaginary Socialite and Fashion Week Daily scribe Faran Krentcil and College Humor's Jakob Lodwick are among the participants in Paper Magazine's "Noisemakers under 25" panel. Huh, we could have sworn Malcolm Gladwell held a discussion on just this a little while back. [Paper]

• Weirdo San Franciscan outfit Deerhoof play at Northsix tonight in Brooklyn. Look out for Intern Alexis — she'll be the one in the front row with the tatoos and hipster ear piercings, wishing she were Asian. [flavorpill]
• Bellis attempts to hawk Lunar Park in Brooklyn tonight, of all places. That is so not Upper East Side yuppie scum-appropriate. Oh, wait — he's reading in Cobble Hill. Nevermind. [NYM]
• We promise these are the two last Hurricane Katrina benefits we're ever posting: the one at Luke+Leroy has the Scissor Sisters; the one at Marquee (7-10pm) has an open bar. You make the decision. [Paper]