Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Star Jones' "Girlfriends' Garden" will never be the same. How will we sit up there with Star, tinkling our champagne glasses as we laugh and cry about life, love, and the meaning of it all after this:

Have I mentioned lately that being uninsured totally rocks? No, really: it does. You see, we freelance serfs have to pay for our medical treatments (shock therapy and the like) in cash. Obviously, I'd rather save my hard-earned sheckels for that Audi discount Conde Nast is offering up (I'm practically an employee, so I'm sure I qualify), but lately, the phlegm I've been wresting from my lungs has started to look like something resembling roadkill.

Tom Cruise has publicly credited Scientology for curing his dyslexia, but the cult's "tech" has seemingly replaced the learning disorder with a severe form of OCD: Every time Cruise sees a microphone, he feels compelled to talk about the "Church" until the offending audio equipment is removed. The actor's latest cry for help occurred at the Nobel Peace Prize Concert:

· Sketchy and currently imprisoned fundraiser Aaron Tonken exposes greedy and irresponsible celebs in his new book. Our favorite anecdote involves Liza Minnelli showing up wasted to a Recording Artists Against Drunk Driving event. [Page Six]
· One half of America's patron alcoholic duo, Barbara Bush, reportedly slipped and hit her head during a White House holiday party on Saturday. Apparently, Barbara was dancing and "dipped her head down low." Huh? Was she headbanging? Is there some hot new dance move we don't know? [R&M (2nd item)]
· Actress Brittany Murphy has moved into pop slattern Britney Spears' old Hollywood Hills home. She has kept all of Spears' original furnishings and likes it. [Page Six]
· Colin Farrell and Lindsay Lohan get the rough paparazzi treatment when leaving Compass in the early hours of Sunday morning. Later, they make sweet, sweet love. [NYDN]

We ask, you answer, and everyone sleeps better at night.

Your fascination with the macabre dictates your longing for the image at right (click for the very NSFW edition). Let's rationalize, shall we? Um, it's Vincent Gallo, he's a New York trainwreck... And, well, it's not out of the norm for us to talk about Chloe Sevigny... Oh, and it comes from our perverted brother, so it's all in the family...

The piece of hideousness pictured above is the Alice Roi Appalachian Handbag (retailing at an inexplicable $300). We're not trying to make your corneas bleed so early in the week, but we're hearing that poor reporters all over the city are receiving this beastly accessory as a promotional holiday "gift" from the people behind chick-lit/toilet paper tome The Fashionista Files. Normally we don't pity anyone pulling in expensive freebies, but this is just hurtful for everyone. Don't they know it's Christmas time?!

More on the homeless hawk crisis on the Upper East Side; the removal of a famous hawks' nest has created a chilly holiday spirit:

The jury is announcing the verdict in the Daniel Pelosi case right now. We'll give you three guesses as to what it is. And then we'll tell you as soon as we know.
Update: Pelosi Found Guilty.
Breaking News: Daniel Pelosi Verdict In [CBS News]

Oodles of you greedy kids have already emailed us about today's blind items in Page Six, which we didn't post yet. In particular:

· Daytime lesbian Ellen DeGeneres has left her long-time girlfriend Alexandra Hedison for actress Portia De Rossi. We know De Rossi has been out of the closet for a long time now, but we still can't believe it. She's so pretty! It boggles the mind! [Page Six]
· Lindsay Lohan gets pissed at boytoy model Clarence Fuller for having a past fling with Paris Hilton. How did Lindsay find out? Paris called her, of course. Presumably via her Sidekick. [ELK]
· Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss is opening legal brothels in Nevada and Europe. Which we already knew and, just to reiterate, it's not as hot when it's legal. [Lowdown]
· Actress Scarlett Johansson dumps skanky Jared Leto for more-successful-but-still-skanky Yankee Derek Jeter. [R&M]

Allow us to take a moment to reflect on how much we absolutely and genuinely adore Susan Barry, the woman who sent us the renowned email exposing American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken as a selfish douchebag. Susan is out of the anonymity closet because she's been unfairly suspended (with pay, thankfully) by her school district for sending the much-lauded missive. While we're happy that Susan essentially has scored herself a paid vacation for emailing Gawker about the AikenBot, we have to say it's a wee bit outrageous that an educator is removed from her classroom for exercising critical thinking skills (albeit with an F-bomb dropped here and there). Since when was honesty a punishable offense?
Anti-Aiken Post Gets Teacher Suspended [NJ.com]
Speaking Out On Clay-Gate Earns A Teacher A Time Out [Philly.com]

Friday:
· Repellent Magazine's got a new dance party in town. DJs and electronic heads abound. Rothko's the spot. 8:30's the time. [Repellent]
· Nothing like a potty-mouthed, thieving, alcoholic Saint Nick to piss all over everyone's burgeoning Christmas cheer: Bad Santa, Billy Bob Thorton's spiteful ode to the holiday season, plays at Landmark's Sunshine Theater tonight at 12. [Landmark]
Saturday:
· Frank Black's scary now, but they still rock: the Pixies play at Hammerstein tonight. And tomorrow night. And pretty much every night for the next week. As of right now, there's still a few tickets available for the stragglers. [Ticketmaster]
· Six American hairdressers went to Afghanistan to teach Afghan stylists (ha) how to cut and color hair. They also filmed it. See the movie and ask the director, "um, why?" in the question and answer session that follows at Makor tonight. [92Y]
Sunday:
· Jersey's finest indie man, Ted Leo, brings his Pharmacists to the Bowery for a sweaty set. [Upcoming]

· It's your last chance to vote in I Want Media's annual Media Person of the Year polls; voting ends on Sunday and finalists include our wicked step-sister. [I Want Media]
· Supermodel Gisele Bundchen's missing dog is returned to her by a San Bernadino couple, but she refuses to pay the promised $5k reward and inexplicably tries to have the couple arrested. [PR Web]
·You know you want it: the week in Lohan. [OAN]
· It's not surprising that Britney Spears' feet smell. It is, however, surprising that they smelled so bad on a recent flight that she was asked by attendants to put her shoes back on. [Sun UK]

Bad news for all those sauced kids who, in the midst of vomiting, occasionally lose their cell phones/wallets/diaphragms in the back of cabs. When you're struck with such a situation, no matter where in Manhattan, you're supposed to call the 17th precinct's lost items department (212.826.3246). Unfortunately, when you call that number—even during working hours—you receive the following recording:

Several eagle-eyed readers have sent us emails suggesting that Johnny Depp closely resembles a certain Condé Nast editor in the trailer for his upcoming Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

We hate to say we told you so, but the virulent influx of hatemails from belligerent Clay Aiken fans is forcing us to do exactly that. On Monday, we ran an email from a NJ teacher claiming that Clay Aiken and his people treated students and staff from a local school choir like little slave-monkeys and then threatened to "make trouble" if any of the present parties talked to the press. The Philadelphia Inquirer has done some follow-up work—like, real journalism!—and confirms the story's veracity. And yes, we're sure Clay was very nice in every other city he went to, but he certainly behaved like a twat in Jersey. Fin.
Hey, Idol: Quit Bullying Kids [Philly.com via Reality Blurred]

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

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