Wouldn't it be funny of a third- or fourth-tier cable network posted fake job listings all over the internet to promote re-runs of a lame show that's about to be made into an equally lame movie?
A reader writes in:
· There's a recurring party with half-naked girls tending an open bar, and you didn't know about it? You poor thing! In a charitable act of "cross-blogination," we'll let our savvy little brother show you the light. [Gridskipper]
· Meet the hell's newest gatekeepers: Grubman disciples Kelly Brady, Rachel Krupa, Ali Zweben and Millie Monyo, stars of the impending reality-doom that is MTV's Power Girls. [NYP]
· Slate does its best to make a connection between rappers and bloggers. It's okay; we're shaking our heads in disbelief, too. [Slate]
· This is probably the most disturbing headline-picture combo we've seen in a long time. [Whatevs]
From left to right: Clarendon-clad Nicky Hilton picks her nose, Hilton wanders Rite Aid, and Anonymodel Greg wears my Clarendon sweatshirt.
· DJ duo Thievery Corporation spin a set at trendier-than-you'll-ever-be Hiro, inside the Maritime Hotel. Just make sure you're Asian if you plan on attending. [ESL]
· The androgynous Anthony and his band of merry Johnsons take their brand of gloriously gay-ish pop to Bowery Ballroom tonight. [Paper]
· Part macabre children's theater, part cabaret, part Edward Gorey/Tim Burton imagery: the critically acclaimed "junk opera" Shockheaded Peter promises to simultaneously freak you the eff out and keep you highly entertained. Features the music of Grammy-nominated black humor specialists the Tiger Lillies, to boot. [flavorpill]
Is there anything more precious than the blog of a corporate slave? Not even a newborn puppy on a pink cloud is as cute as a secret work blog! Oh, how we fondly remember when we used to have "day jobs" so numbing that we were compelled to do that sort of thing. The "side project" of a Comedy Central intern has us feeling all fuzzy and nostalgic:
Some say the blogosphere will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
Call me crazy, but I can genuinely relate to Antoinette Millard, the cracky woman who s currently in a legal tangle with American Express. The credit card company is suing Millard for the unpaid $1 million she racked up on her Centurion card; Millard is countersuing American Express for inducing her into signing up for said card and then having the nerve to request that she pay for all of her exorbitant charges. Millard claims that she was mentally unstable because of 9-11, and her condition resulted in a seven-figure shopping spree for which she cannot be held responsible.
Page Six has been tracking the whereabouts of obsolescent bimbot Traci Bingham, who's been turning up everywhere in Hollywood in a bazoom-enhancing t-shirt advertising an online poker concern. Finally, someone's figured out a way to make use of former Baywatch stars*! It always seemed such a waste to toss them in a landfill or abandon them in a hot tub until they dissolved, especially when it takes so long for the implants to biodegrade. Bingham's really dodged a bullet, however, because we still heartily recommend that anyone's who's ever had contact with Bill Maher's genitalia** should have their head shaved and be abandoned in the desert with half a day's water supply.
· Because prison food lacks that bourgeoisie charm, Martha Stewart has hired Le Cirque chef Pierre Schaedelin to usher her back into the real world of proper dining. Once Stewart is released from her sparkling cell and put on house arrest, Schaedelin will assume the responsibility of preparing all of her perfectperfectperfect meals. [Page Six]
· As J-Lo is discovering, being a singer is tough when everyone wants the same pre-fabricated songs. [Fox411]
· Joan Rivers fights back: when E! executive Jeff Shore said his channel's red carpet coverage was kicking Rivers' ass (which currently resides on the TV Guide network), Rivers responded with a handful of Nielsen numbers and three additional face-lifts. [R&M (3rd item)]
· After a marriage full of stabbings, Christian Slater and Ryan Haddon are finally filing for divorce. Haddon once caught Slater having has back shaved by topless strippers — oddly enough, it took her 2 years after the fact to call it quits. [Page Six]
· Jerome Corsi, the author of the anti-Kerry tome Unfit For Command gets a smackdown from, um, a bunch of democratic assistants. Sigh. C'mon, guys. [Lowdown]
· Eva Mendes: the perfect choice for when you don't know whether to cast a black or white woman opposite Will Smith. [Scoop]
Well, as any child of divorce knows, daddy promises a lot of things he nerver delivers on.
Wow, you can find anything on Craigslist!
The Observer is on to me. Today, Doree Shafrir came clean about her Kevin Federline obsession, and now I know my naughty little secret isn t just my problem. You see, I too am uncontrollably hot for K-Fed. The Observer totally nailed this one: his puffiest white shoes, his big ego, and his scruffy good looks all add up to some hardcore sex appeal, and I m ready to come out my Federline closet.
You gotta be kidding.
An operative with intimate knowledge of the War of the World set has offered us a few more details about the Scientology "assist" tent, where L. Ron's little helpers give "mini-massages" to the crew courtesy of the incredibly generous Tom Cruise. Apparently, only Scientology assistants of the highly-qualified "hot" variety staff the tent, which, incidentally, is a treat from Cruise that travels with the production from the Universal set to location shoots. (Does Cruise ever stop giving? Answer: He does not.) While weary crew members enjoy their assists, the helpful, model-quality technicians try to convince the assistee to purchase a copy of Dianetics. We don't even want to think about the hard sell the crew is subjected to if they opt for the "body thetan calibration," but it probably involves a sensation that can be described as "pulling weeds while wearing a sandpaper glove."
· More Hilton than anyone can handle: her emails and voicemails are reportedly on the internets, and by tomorrow you just might be able to examine her urine samples! Hurrah for modern technology! [Paris Hilton's Mobile]
· Media outlets everywhere continue to cream themselves with ongoing lesbian coverage. [Observer]
· And because two gay remainders are better one: even Filipino guerrillas need a bear's love. [Inquirer]
· Brian Wilson poses with the cast of Good Vibrations; his expression is that of a man having his legend aborted by a Broadway musical from hell. [Broadway.com]
· "If Prince Charming lived in today's New York, he might turn to Missed Connections in his search for Cinderella." How pathetically cute! [NYT]
In today's New York Times, Lola Ogunnaike profiles Jeff "Chairman" Mao, Elliott Wilson, Gabriel Alvarez and Sacha Jenkins, the mad geniuses behind the late, lamented hip-hop and humor magazine Ego Trip and VH1's 'Ego Trip'-branded programming.
· Daily Show scribe Eric Drysdale appears with some comic book illustrators/writers to present comic-booky things on stage. It's all a bit unclear, but it promises to be funny. Hosts Todd Levin and Bob Powers also promise that six audience members will get cartoon portraits of themselves, if you fancy looking at yourself as a bulked-up superhero. [flavorpill]
· Cerebral white boy Aesop Rock and cerebral white-schooled boy Mr. Lif headline a show featuring artists off of everyone's favorite undie label at Bowery tonight. [BB]
· German electronica king Michael Mayer teams with Canadian Jake Fairley for a night of foot stomping, head-bobbing fun at Canal Room. Don't forget the club drugs and the dancing shoes. [TONY]
