• They rent movies! [Forksplit]
• They worry about punctuation! [Felix Salmon]
• They have too much free time! [Ironic Sans]

• Ass cleavage is back, apparently not hot. [Cole Slaw Blog]
• Fall in love for all the right reasons: like making the holiday season more convenient because you're both from the same city. [Que Sera Sera]
• A gaggle of fourteen year old girls is terrorizing the MTA. Consider yourself warned. [No, a door is not a Duncan]
• A step-by-step guide to the inconvenience and frustration of losing your wallet. [Manhattan Offender]

• Example A: Body Odor and Barf. [Ultrasparky]
• Example B: Fainting and Head Injuries. [The Three-Toed Sloth]
• Example C: Shiny new video screens, cockblocked by a homeless dude. [east village idiot]
• In an aeroplane over the sea, she got peed on by a small Chinese child. [B'scuse me?]
• If only all New Yorkers went to such lengths to keep roaches out of their homes. [The Liam McEneaney Experience]

• Brooklyn is looking to become the new Financial District. [1000 Bars]
• The Joys of Temping, otherwise known as The Joys of Menial and Degrading Activities Performed in a Refrigerator. [Smallhands Ick]
• Wine tasting...in a gym. It's either brilliant or profoundly stupid, we can't decide which. [previously owned]
• The truth behind African Americans and menthol cigarettes is finally revealed. By a white dude. Well, sort of. [Rum & Popcorn]

• Despite your urge to retaliate, maybe you should consider apologizing and shutting up for once. Maybe that'll keep you from getting knifed on your own doorstep. [JenIsFamous]
• The homeless not only use the Post for shelter, they also use it to keep up on local news so they can inform us of how nasty the Shake Shack is. How thoughtful of them. [Languor Management]
• Bum with palm pilot, cloak and monocle gets pissed off about a play taking over his home, and pisses all over the stage. Literally. [Negro Witticisms]
• SoHo retail sales associates depressed, prone to self-mutilation. [Dirty Old Prom Queen]

• Okay, we get it. You went to the Conde offices, and even have the visitor's pass to prove it. But leaving it on your bag, that's probably just going to get you beaten with ten pounds of Vogue. [Imaginary Socialite]
• Stupidity should be painful. Sometimes laziness actually is. [Perpetually Nauseous]
• What kind of city is this, when you can't walk around your own home naked without a construction worker perving on you?[The Daily Dump]
• So, a pigeon crapped on you and you scored a hundred-buck tip. why exactly are you bitching, again? [waiter rant]
• What's that you say? A crazy stripper got in your cab on Friday night? No WAY. [New York Hack]

• McCarren Park is dank and devoid of any shred of cleanliness. The bathrooms are pretty horrendous, too. [newyorkshitty]
• The people of Brooklyn have rediscovered Catholicism and...wait. Our bad. It's just a subway station cleverly disguised as a church. [No, a door is not a Duncan.]
• Heed warning, women of the East Village. At 3 A.M., this man is out and looking to prey on you. [East Village Idiot]
• "I feel a sharp pain in my finger, a slicing sensation." Because, you know, shit like that tends to happen when you carry razors around in your bag. [Drunk and Single in NYCM]

• The true test of someone's character is if they laugh out loud during a movie where a small child is speared to death in a freak accident. [Hot Johnny]
• How is it possible that a date with a guy who your uncle met at a dishwashing parts convention couldn't work out? That, friends, has "true love" written ALL OVER IT. [Smallhands Ick]
• In case you've ever wondered how to make it into this toilet bowl of links, here's how. [Evil Discussor]
• There's a reason you should send nor save text messages. Ever. [Que Sera Sera]

• ...rationalize the way you make a living, so you don't feel like you're a total sellout. [Tremble]
• ...memorialize people looking stupid for your own enjoyment. [Ironic Sans]
• ...create fake conversations between yourself, Satan and Jesus for the hell of it.[King of Spills]
• ...make light of domestic violence, all because the ads were unfortunately placed. [MetroBlogs NYC]

• Forget "the right reasons" - you know it's time to get married when a) your baby brother is doing it, and b) your laundry lady tells you to. [The Tomato Diaries]
• A little bit of nostalgia for the girls, the boys who played with Barbies, and the mothers who still refuse to admit their sons are gay-gay-gay-gay-gay. [Jessica Cutler Online]
• You know a guy is packing some serious junk when he's upset that a horse's dick is bigger than his. Or at least, that's what he wants you to believe. [Slack LaLane]
• A guide to hating on New Yorkers, for the rest of the world that allegedly exists. [TIWWDN]

• How a white rap battle goes down, via email. [Carolyn Castiglia]
• The NYPD doesn't care about the guy who whipped out his shriveled cock and spat on your car. [New York Hack]
• It doesn't matter where you grew up, if you get kicked out of a club and make a scene, you're always a douchebag. [Clublife]
• We thought we were the only ones who said inappropriate things in order to make OHINY. [LianneStokes]

• Photographic evidence that the Lower East Side, is no longer a home for bargains. For further evidence, let us show you a receipt for Alias' $17 bowl of grits [Curbed]
• Oxygen masks: the new hipster rubber bands? [FoundClothing]
• It's the 9/11 Activity Book! Even Oliver Stone called it "crass; too soon." [Asphalt Eden]

• He deciphers subway signs, so you don't have to... [Negro Witticisms]
•...as does he. [Copyranter]
• And finally, a list of things that are exponentially hotter than this goddamned city. [ColeSlaw Blog]

• Screw health benefits - wouldn't you want to get in on sex toy discounts working at Babes in Toyland? We thought so. [Pigeon in the Sun]
• Apparently the best, most delicious food causes indigestion, self-loathing. [The Liam McEneaney Experience]
• With the Project Runway "scandal" not so "scandalous", bloggers rush to create alternate scenarios in an attempt to create witty, original content. [perpetually nauseous]
• We don't want to spoil this one for you, but let's just say that the phrase "He took my flower" figures prominently. [TWAtT]

• The NYC Heatwave, according to BBC. [Felber's Frolics]
• Booking a party at a club in the Meatpacking District can be a downright bitch - but surprisingly, doesn't require your first-adopted child from whatever third-world country is cool this week. [MonkeyPants]
• In Times Square, Andre Agassi's got nothing on Samuel L. Jackson - no matter how good his intentions are. [Copyranter]
• For some, it's upsetting when their parents find their blogs. For others, it's devastating when their parents stop reading. [previously owned]
• Or worse, writing one of their own. [Reference Tone]
• If your relationship can't handle one party moving to Brooklyn, there may be greater issues at hand. [The Company Bitch]

• In a post-apocalyptic world, it seems some Americans will still be selfish, ignorant assholes. [Tao of Dan]
• Cue "plot thickening" track: construction continues and people move in (illegally?) to Robert Scarano's Williamsburg property. [MetroBlogs NYC]
• So once you find that elusive apartment in the city, you'll have a whole bunch of new peoblems: furnishing it. [HCJ]
• Number One Hit Song shuts up shop. Thanks for all the laughs. [#1HS]

• Sometimes becoming homeless seems much more attractive than apartment hunting in the city. [The Company Bitch]
• The stages of grief are not unlike the stages of emotions you encounter, returning from New Jersey. [Unhappy Medium]
• Quelle Horreur! The Times announces the weddings of commonfolk; Ivy-Leaguers and silver-spoonfed kids pissed. [Drunk and Single in NYC]

• Chipotle doesn't care about your identity or who uses it to get their psuedo-Mexican fast food fix. [spinachdip]
• Being drunk for 74 hours is probably just as likely to kill you as watching 74 straight hours of improv. [The Apiary]
• Are you from Portland and in a polyamorous marriage? If so, then chances are you too, can get shagged by a Hotel Chelsea bellhop. [Adventures in Multiplicity]

• Your naivety isn't going to make him straight, honey. [The Company Bitch]
• The rules of babysitting - up your rate, scour the kitchen cabinets, and try not to dissect the morals behind lost episodes of Gumby. [LianneStokes]
• Nobody does a guilt-trip quite like your grandmother. [Perpetually Nauseous]

• If you have to sit through a focus group at SoHo House, you should at least be allowed to use the pool. [Guilty as Charged]
• Sure, keep telling yourself that the guy is taking photos of a "necklace", and not your breasts. [The Tomato Diaries]
• Your step-by-step guide to pissing people off by reading the Times whilst riding the subway like you're the only bastard who matters. [Hot Johnny]
• God allegedly prefers wet-tshirt contests and Bon Jovi over James Taylor and geriatrics in Dockers. [Previously Owned]