• Despite your urge to retaliate, maybe you should consider apologizing and shutting up for once. Maybe that'll keep you from getting knifed on your own doorstep. [JenIsFamous]
• The homeless not only use the Post for shelter, they also use it to keep up on local news so they can inform us of how nasty the Shake Shack is. How thoughtful of them. [Languor Management]
• Bum with palm pilot, cloak and monocle gets pissed off about a play taking over his home, and pisses all over the stage. Literally. [Negro Witticisms]
• SoHo retail sales associates depressed, prone to self-mutilation. [Dirty Old Prom Queen]