Silly Kirsten Dunst. Temporarily living outside of her natural celeb-friendly West coast habitat where any late-night messiness is handily kept on the DL by celebrity-catering club warlords, the recently rehabbed star is currently staying in New York while filming All Good Things. And the many sightings sent in by helpful Manhattanites haven’t exactly painted Dunst as the soberific poster child perfected of late by Miss Lindsay Lohan. The NY Post chimes in today reporting that Dunst continued her boy-crazy habits of yore by making out with the DJ at the celeb-infested Beatrice Inn two nights ago. But a Defamer tipster had the pleasure of spotting Kirsten last night at the same bar, and rather than cozying up to the same DJ, the actress spent the entire night flirting, following, and eventually frisking another Beatrice regular: that talented thespian, Josh Hartnett. Details on what our tipster witnessed, and which Olsen twin watched the romance blossom from afar, after the jump.

The upcoming issue of Star breathlessly reports that Spencer Pratt Attack ringleader and excellent on-screen kisser Mary-Kate Olsen might be headed back to the floral pastures of celebrity rehab any day now. The mag's sources cite a quasi-recent “collapse” outside an LA club, ongoing depression over her “lover” Heath Ledger’s sudden death, and brewing tension between MK and her more low-key twin, Ashley. But, as we pointed out earlier this month, the twinset’s more rebellious (and interesting) half is on a roll. After appearing on her first Elle cover solo, starring in a critically praised indie movie and, of course, teaming up with David Letterman in a campaign to destroy everyone’s most hated reality villain, Mary-Kate hasn’t shown any signs of crumbling. We took a closer look at this alleged collapse, the odds that Ledger and the itty bitty billionaire were in any way involved romantically, just how grave the tiny twosome’s differences are, and came up with three reasons why we don’t buy it.

• A judge has decided to keep Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook's divorce case open, and Diana Bianchi, the teenager Peter cheated on Christie with, says she's willing to testify if need be. [NYDN]

He beat cancer and won that phony Tour de France thing seven times, but Lance Armstrong's insatiable appetite for blondes of every shade from dirty to platinum is totally overshadowing all of his causes. "BOTH Lances were in town last week.The first, Lance Armstrong the bicycle champion and anticancer campaigner, was making television appearances to promote a new Web venture, livestrong.com, devoted to healthy living [...] But there was also plenty of publicity unauthorized by Mr. Armstrong, including three days of coverage in The New York Post, a string of articles on Us Magazine's Web site and an article in Life & Style entitled 'How Lance Stole Kate From Owen,' all chronicling Mr. Armstrong's relationship with the actress and tabloid darling Kate Hudson. This is the second Lance, the one people.com called a 'notorious Texas playboy.'"

After attending a New York movie screening with rumored new boyfriend Justin Bartha last night, it appears that Ashley Olsen is about to finally make her new relationship public. And after years of tracking the Olsen Twins, we have to admit that we are more than a bit mystified by how these two ended up as a couple. The deliciously handsome actor, sort of memorable from National Treasure (for those of you bold enough to admit you've seen it), is about to become far more memorable after appearing opposite Catherine Zeta-Jones in next year's The Rebound. But more on our new crush this guy later. The question we can't quite answer yet has to do with both Olsens and their laundry list of former flings. Never failing to shock, both Mary Kate and Ashley have one of the most eccentric, baffling and WTF dating history between them. We examine each of their previous love interests in an attempt to figure out what exactly they find attractive, why they pick who they pick, and upon discovering quite the few lookers in the bunch, why these guys pick them, after the jump.

• Republican-leaning movie star Bruce Willis opened a yuppie-friendly wine bar in the East Village, which prompted protests from neighborhood lefties and counterprotests from the Young Republicans. Turns out? He's not a partner in the bar, he just lent his name as a favor. Because, you know, wine, action movie star Bruce Willis — the connection is obvious. Plus he totally made those wine cooler commercials in the 80s. [Observer]

• Anne Hathaway dumped her scandal-plagued boyfriend Raffaello Follieri for all the obvious reasons: his legal troubles, the potential damage to her image, etc. Plus her parents despised him and her dad hired a PI to follow them around. [NY Post]

No blog, talking head or alcoholic British songbird can compete with PETA when it comes to snark. For decades, the animal lovers have verbally beheaded countless starlets for their fur and snakeskin accessories, but only recently have their targets bitten back. After seeing a recent photo of plumper-than-usual Jessica Simpson sporting one of those so-last-season message t-shirts reading "Real Girls Eat Meat," we wondered how many of her peers have boldly set themselves up for one of PETA's trademark white powder massacres. Having called Nicole Richie "an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match," advising Ashley Olsen that "wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if [she] wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead," and telling Lindsay Lohan "there's no road to recovery for the foxes who are anally electrocuted so that you can look skanky," has PETA inspired any other starlets to publicly react just as vehemently? We take a look at the ongoing battles after the jump.

The long-running war between the celebrity-obsessed activists at PETA and the tiny fur-obsessed Olsen Twins makes Cruise v. Shields scrap look like the Anglo-Zanzibar War in comparison. In the past, we’ve tended to laugh along as PETA got huffy at the tiny millionaires every time they insisted on draping themselves in the former coats of lions, tigers and bears during August heat waves, but a statement from the borderline bestiality fan group released today has us wondering which is worse: designing a (generally critically praised) collection including fur, or catty threats viciously aimed at the pair:

Everyone's favorite set of child-star-turned-media-tycoon twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, turn 22 today. Congrats, girls. We expect there'll be lots of shots involved in your celebration tonight, although we're guessing you decided to forgo the birthday cake. Also celebrating around town today: U.N. head honcho Ban Ki-Moon turns 64. Portly congressman Jerry Nadler is 61. Celebrating tomorrow: Donald Trump will turn 63, although with that rug on his head, he doesn't look a day over 62. CNN's Campbell Brown turns the big 4-0. Book editor Alice Mayhew will be 72. Hedge fund tycoon Stanley Druckenmiller will be 56. Restauranteur Phil Suarez turns 68. And veteran sportscaster Len Berman will be 62.

Love them or hate them, the magical millionaire pixies that are the Olsen Twins have at least one confirmed talent: perfecting their trademark pose for the paparazzi. And unlike Keira Knightley’s "Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Rich, Thin And Beautiful" pout or Lindsay Lohan’s dilated tipsy face (often accompanied by props like neon bras and knives!), the Olsens allegedly use a tactic called The Prune. We highly doubt we’re the only ones who’ve noticed the duo’s matching facial contortion on red carpets in which their doll-sized lips purse and their cheekbones struggle to break free from nicotine-drenched skin. Their secret? As a source tells OK!, “Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune.’” Genius! Examples of the sometimes-flattering, sometimes-horrifying technique, presented in our favorite Tipsy Face Bingo format, after the jump.

• Madonna's estranged brother Christopher Ciccone is writing a tell-all book about his sis, and it's supposed to be extremely graphic and "devastating." [Page Six]

With impeccable timing, PETA has launched its latest offensive in the midst of a monstrous heat wave, when not even the most devoted fur wearer would go near a pelt. The loony animal rights agitators—who have gone after Anna Wintour, Kimora Lee Simmons, and Diane von Furstenberg in the past—are now training their attention on the Olsens. For the twins' upcoming 22nd birthday, people are urged to send human hair as a gift, "since they seem to be in such dire need of extra hair on their bodies." Because they're skinny, get it? We preferred the last stunt—when Donna Karan "would eat bunnies raw if she could."

The Olsen Twins have been attached at the bony hip since first entering our living rooms as the painful-to-watch double duo of Michelle Tanner on Full House, during which they spent most of their first six years staring blandly into the camera and earning thigh-slapper after thigh-slapper off the laugh track. And right up until now, days before turning 19, both Mary Kate and Ashley have remained one seemingly inseparable force, designing their Row line together, co-operating Dualstar and even cohabitating in their New York party palace. But as the July issue of Elle reveals, all is not well in billionaire twinland. Mary Kate, either high on the scent of Christian Louboutin leather or suffering a brain fart after all the recent trapeze classes in China she blabs on and on about taking on a whim, spills a bit too much when it comes to the twins’ recent ...”differences.”

[Actress of sorts Ashley Olsen at the CFDA Fashion Awards last night; image via Splash]

Diminutive empire builder Ashley Olsen is becoming dangerously ubiquitous. In just the past few days she's been papped with her new beau, actor Justin Bartha (Lydia Hearst's ex), announced the launch of a new jewelry line, attended the CFDA awards (left!), and hosted a party at Book Expo America (imagine the trauma of mixing with those unstylish publishing industry drones!) for her coffee table book. Yes, Ashley and her sis will be releasing a book called Influence in October, which will feature Ashley and Mary-Kate's interviews with people like Karl Lagerfeld, Lauren Hutton, Diane von Furstenberg and Margherita Missoni. We're guessing the cover of the book will be a little less pink than the one they used for their "official biography" from 2000.

• Longtime drug addict Tatum O'Neal was busted for buying crack near her Lower East Side apartment on Sunday night. [NY Post]

We still can’t figure out why, but the tiny former child stars-turned-designers Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen remain terribly convinced that they are very important. So important, in fact, that they treat their various Manhattan apartments like Bel Air mansions and generally shit all over their neighbors. As one next-door resident put it, “you’d think the President was living here.” Sure, if Dubya got decked out in shiny skirts and pounds of jewelry before partying til the wee hours and coming home soaked in vintage wine and memories night after night (which, by all means, he might). More on what kinds of trouble the little rascals are rousing in their downtown party casa after the jump.

Apparently the tabloids aren’t the only ones who have serious issues with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s scary skinny frames. According to a story in OK!, a cunning barista at the twins’ favorite Starbucks in New York was so concerned for MK&A’s health that he would foster his own plumping recipes for the pair despite their usual order of Grande nonfat lattes. According to the magazine’s source, "the barista thought the Olsens were too thin, so whenever they ordered their usual drink, he would replace the skim milk with full-fat." While we don’t think the coffee-slinging superhero’s plan did much in the way of turning the Olsens around, reading their friend’s teary manifesto against evil concoctions like this might make them reconsider the kind of slim-fast buddies they’ve been hanging out with.

• Sean Penn is not cool with former close personal friend (and supermodel) Petra Nemcova talking to his wife, with whom the movie star is now reconciled. "It wasn't long before we saw Penn march over, take Robin by the elbow and lead her away, saying, 'Come and meet my friend.'" [Rush & Molloy]