[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

[Ashley Olsen, who was recently named #47 on Maxim's 100 Hottest list with twin sister, Mary-Kate who, heh, was not on the list at all (again) at the Met's Costume Gala Ball Anna Wintour Fest Thing; image via Splash]

• Jenna Bush will get married this weekend at a ranch in Texas. Oscar de la Renta supplied the gown the presidential daughter will eventually be puking on. (UPDATE: AP may be wrong on bridesmaid count, see first comment.) [AP]

Vanity Fair has done it again. In their upcoming issue, famed photographer Annie Leibovitz shot a controversial photo spread featuring Billion Dollar Girl Miley Cyrus, prompting public outrage from the Christian Coalition, Disney and, naturally, the ladies of The View. Leibovitz and VF are being accused of crossing the line between art and pedophilia by shooting Cyrus in what some are calling "topless" photos (shown after the jump). Before the issue has even hit newsstands, Miley has apologized to her fans and Disney, concerned that the spread could affect the Hannah Montana cash cow. But this isn't the first time VF has hired one of their star photographers to use her lens in an effort to reinvent the images of underage starlets by featuring them in a slightly more provocative and mature light...

• Jennifer Lopez is going to star in a TLC reality show about raising her twins. Oh this is going to be awesome. We're going to get to see all of the crazy stuff Tom Cruise and Lopez's other Scientologist advisers had installed for the little ones: the security cameras, "sterile" baby wing, sanitized flowers and the staff of baby bodyguards and color therapist.

When Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon, she falls hard. So hard, in fact, that she spent this past weekend traipsing around New York in what appears to be a long and eventful whopper of a bender. As we reported yesterday, Lindsay spent her Saturday night downing Grey Goose with new roomie Samantha Ronson before promptly (and nostalgically) passing out in a car. But today's NY Post informs us that the night before was far more eventful. Tagging along with Ronson to the Beatrice Inn on Friday night for one of the chain-smoking DJ's gigs, whatever mysterious substances were floating through Lohan's system manifested into a screaming match directed towards teeny tiny Ashley Olsen:

• Natalie Portman was with her hippie boyfriend in a park when she got peed on by a dog. There's a picture and everything! Happy Tuesday! [Post]

Reformed child star Ashley Olsen took a cue from some of her favorite comic book characters in her on-going battle against her mortal foes, the paparazzi. The pint sized fashion icon felt if she can hide her identity the same way Spiderman hides it from various supervillains, maybe the photographers will finally leave her alone. Olsen intends to spruce up her mask in the upcoming days, perhaps something in a plaid pattern.

[Ashley Olsen attends a wedding at a Los Angeles hotel over the weekend. She and her sister both wore masks while entering the hotel, to hide from paparazzi. Obviously, it failed. Image via WENN]

We're fans of surprises here at Defamer, especially when they involve young female stars in bikinis. So when we came across these photos of Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen in their itty bitty swimsuits on Egotastic, we were admittedly shocked. Considering all those years-old anorexia rumors, coupled with endless paparazzi shots making the tiny twins look roughly 80 pounds combined, we'd expect a somewhat fear-filled reaction upon seeing MK and Ash undressed. But you know what? Hugh Hefner may not have been crazy after all when he decided the twins would be ideal candidates for his next Playboy spread. Even if the camera does add poundage, we're seeing muscle tone and curves. Take a closer look at the full gallery, up close and personal, after the jump.

Stalker spotted A-Ol at some dance thingy and managed to trash her and follow it up with a swift compliment. Pretty ambivalent, which is generally how I feel about Les Olsens, too. I can't tell if they're pretty, or if I'm just used to their faces, having grown up watching Michelle Tanner and all those awful mystery-adventure series videos that relatives would buy me, even though I was clearly too old for the genre. Sighting after the jump.

Has the Hef finally reached that age where he should start relegating his casting decisions to someone with, ahem, better vision? After understandably courting Lindsay Lohan to pose for Playboy following her NY Mag shoot (Note: we may have typed the phrase "following her NY Mag shoot" approximately 79 times in the last week. That's called a successful spread, people.), the robed golden oldie has now set his sights on none other than the collective 100 pound twosome that are Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Having previously begged the then-plumpish-sized twins on their 18th birthday, Hef is still under the impression that "the twins are every young man's fantasy," according to a source at Ace Showbiz. Call us crazy, but last time we checked, women with the bodies of 12 year-old boys who dress like grannies ready to hop the bus to Atlantic City don't exactly set men's pants ablaze...

Though now ancient and doddering, Hugh Hefner is still the same old lovable lech he always was. The Playboy founder would like, in addition to Lindsay Lohan, the Jim Henson-fashioned Olsen twins (still acting Mary-Kate, who the fuck knows Ashley) to do a nude pictorial for the magazine because, according to an anonymous source, "Hugh thinks the twins are every young man's fantasy." Wait, really? I thought we'd moved on from that bizarre period of 18th birthday countdowns (Hef had originally courted the pair around then) and furtive, shameful New York Minute viewings. It seems that Hef may be a bit out of touch on this one. Am I wrong? [Showbiz Spy] After the jump, video documentation of the two sexpots Hef so pruriently craves.

• Amy Winehouse may have lasted up to nine days clean of drugs before she called herself a "zombie," burned herself and did "cocaine, ecstasy, cannabis and booze." Of course the sensationalist Sun spins it negative and says she's "back in drug hell," typical. (Check out the sidebar from their "Bizarre Editor.") [Sun]

How would you spend your days if you were a young millionaire college dropout with a failed fashion line and with not much to do aside from the occasional Vogue covershoot? If you're an Olsen Twin, there's one surefire way to pass the time and re-establish your street cred: write a Very Important Book! Everyone's favorite munchkin moguls are set to release Influence, a coffee-table book that's being published by Penguin's Young Adult arm. Following in the footsteps of powerhouse literary talents Nicole Richie (The Truth About Diamonds) and Paris Hilton (Confessions Of An Heiress), the tiny duo wrote a book in which they interviewed "the most interesting, challenging, creative people we know — the ones who helped pave the way for us and our generation." Who are these illustrious figures? Well, let's just say their tricks aren't for kids.

With her sister Mary-Kate, former kiddie star Ashley Olsen now makes big bucks thanks to her Dualstar Entertainment Group, a tween fashion, entertainment, and lifestyle powerhouse, and her increasingly fancy-shmantzy lines.

• Lindsay Lohan served 84 minutes in a Lynwood jail for her July DUI charges. [TMZ]
  

• Why are Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong parading their PDAs around the town's hotspots? Although! Page Six says they were dining at Waverly Inn together on Tuesday—but the photographic evidence says that Ashley was actually dining with Sting, Slash and Stephen Fry. No Lance shows up in the paparazzi photos. [Page Six, Image: Splash Photos]
  

• Britney Spears hasn't regained shared custody of her sons, but her hair is looking much better. [Us Weekly]
  

The matter has been settled. No need for further debate. The argument is over. Mary-Kate is the cuter Olsen twin. Now go back to your lives. [Just Putting It Out There]