Viewers of last night's American Idol got their first good look at, and listen to, the 12 female finalists. Many contestants managed to score pretty high in one category, but not the other. In any case, in the name of gratuitous afternoon fun, we thought we'd throw up some Idol related cheesecake. On your left, behold Idol's most successful set of twins (or should we say quadruplets?) yet, Becky O'Donohue and her ever-present, identical-but-not-quite-as-hot one-person cheering squad, sister Jessie. The photo spread, taken two years ago for Maxim Online, and newly republished due to their Idol notoriety, features both sisters in a variety of slutty baseball gear: It's a Defamer Softcore Smut Pick of the Month !

· Sony, Paramount and Warner Bros. are cutting back on movie releases for the Sony PSP handheld video game system, turning fans of squinty-entertainment to the downloadable promise of the video iPod. [Variety]
· American Idol and House beat NBC's Olympics coverage by a wide margin in the ratings. Health officials now express concern that audiences will soon choose watching the reality show over doing anything else, including eating and breathing. [Variety]
· Requiem for a Dream director Darren Aronofsky gets first-look shingle at Universal, nearly passes out fantasizing about the possibilities of big budget Jared Leto-getting-his-arm-sawed-off sequences. [Variety]
· Pilot season casting frenzy: Teri Polo in CBS' Welcome to the Jungle Gym (get it?), Connie Britton in NBC's Friday Night Lights, and Daryl Sabara in TBS' Boy's Life. [THR]
· CBS and NBC shake up their schedules, with CBS moving Out of Practice and Courting Alex (the who now, what now?) to Wednesday, and NBC extending a show we've heard of, The Office, to May. [THR]

Choosing the gayest moment in American Idol history is like trying to choose your favorite Ken doll: There's just too, too many and they're all so, so gay. A decent case, however, could have been made for the events following the dismissal last night of 18-year-old Garet Layne Johnson, a tiny Wyoming cowboy who managed to inspire and/or creep all of us out a bit, thanks to his green world view and "aw, shucks" humility, not to mention his singing (like a tone-deaf, gay cowboy angel). When Garet got the boot last night, he crumpled into a ball and sobbed into the chest of his co-bootee, hunky cowdaddy Matthew Buckstein, who caressed him and told he had nothing to be ashamed about. As queer Idol moments went, it was a doozy: Clay Aiken once tried a similar maneuver on Ruben Studdard, but the velvet teddybear swatted him across the stage moments before contact.
Don't expect Johnson to just stumble off, though, mutilating Elton John songs into the sunset. This is post-William Hung America, where a strange little man with no discernible talent except for moving fairly easily in dangerously tight jeans can still manage to carve out a showbiz career for himself. The dream begins right now, right here, at GaretJohnsonOnline.com.

It's Valentine's Day Eve, a good moment to stop and take stock of just how lonely and pathetic one's life has become. Take some respite in knowing you are not without avenues of support why, your AOL love coach Star Jones herself is standing by nor are you alone: Paula Abdul, the American Idol judging panel's ray of benumbed sunshine, is also desperate for love. So much so, in fact, that she has turned to professional know-it-all Dr. Phil for help. In A Dr. Phil Primetime Special: Love Smart, Abdul confides between sobs that her love life is a mess, and the good doctor comes to the rescue with "10 hunky bachelors for Paula to choose from." Which makes this recent PrivacyWatch sighting of Abdul and the model she's been reportedly dating very publicly since September, Dante Spencer, rather curious:

In a turn of events best filed under the heading "Showbiz's Lil' Ironies: Celebrity Ego Check Edition," last night's airing of American Idol trounced the Grammy Awards in the ratings:

Clearly inspired by the endless parade of swishy, lunatic-costumed circus freaks who both torture and delight us at the start of every American Idol season, Simon Cowell has announced his newest reality show competition will be the search for the next Siegfried and Roy:

You know how it didn't really make sense that Ryan Seacrest would be doing a live, in-studio radio interview in New Jersey? And how it didn't really make sense why, after the first time he walked out of the studio because the DJ asked about his sexuality, he would have agreed to continue the interview? Yeah, well, it now makes sense that it didn't make sense. Because it turns out it didn't actually happen.

Interesting news in — of all places — The Trentonian today:

The NY Times struggles to find the words to capture just what kind of Nielsen behemoth American Idol has become in this, its fifth season on the air. The lowbrow singing contest is racking up ratings so impossibly high, the only explanation is that not only is every family in the country watching the show, but that they must be birthing additional viewers during the airings, instantly propping up the placenta-covered newbies so as not to miss the humiliation of a single warbling, effeminate Midwesterner by the show's panel of obliged, apathetic judges. To give some indication of just how many people are watching, consider the numbers among arguably the show's bread and butter demographic, teenage girls:

A former green beret has told the National Enquirer that "Measure of a Man" singer Clay Aiken read his man measurements on a gay internet personal ad and arranged a steamy, man-on-effeminate-AM radio-friendly-songstylist encounter:

· With the creation of The CW reducing the network TV field from six to five, there's mixed reaction about the news. Unhappy: those losing their jobs, and those looking for jobs in a smaller employer pool. Happy: those who think that a single, stronger fifth network is better long-term than two crappy also-rans, those who had trouble setting up projects at The WB and UPN, anyone whose show isn't getting canceled because of the merger. [Variety]
· The CW announcement "rocks" NATPE, where the syndication convention attendees get all hot and bothered over the prospect that affiliates will need an increased amount of programming. Hottub parties to follow. [THR]
· Sundance update: The New Miramax shells out $3 million for The Night Listener; meanwhile, the documentary market seems soft with no filmmakers willing to live with penguins or to eat only fast food for 30 days. [Variety]
· NBC gives the pill-popping minister and Cool Jesus of The Book of Daniel a one-way ticket to cancellation hell. [THR]
· Reporting that American Idol's ratings are huge is a little like noting the sun rising in the morning or the horror of rush-hour traffic on the 405, but so it goes: AI pulls in over 34 million viewers, trouncing all competitors. [Variety]
· Strange choice of the day: Austin Powers/Meet the Parents/Fockers director Jay Roach is attached to direct the film about W. Mark Felt, more commonly known as "Deep Throat" for Universal and Playtone. [Variety]

· For those of you who may have missed it: Drew Barrymore's totally unfunny and yet somehow enjoyable Weekend Update SNL appearance.
· Wikipedia offers a list of movies in order of "fucks per minute."
· American Idol judges are being called out for the sadistic pleasure they take in humiliating effeminate contestants, as the fugitive half of the show's criminal twins turns himself in. Welcome to America's #1 source of family entertainment!
· Patrick Dempsey isn't a real doctor, but he plays one on TV.
· Mark Cuban responds to the growing controversy over the multi-platformed release of Steven Soderbergh's Bubble. [via Boing Boing]
· Floating pooch!
· One final note: Mark ran into some difficulties posting today, but we should have more Sundance man-on-the-scene coverage for you tomorrow.

In what could be a new record for American Idol, just two nights after its entertaining Tuesday night premiere (our favorites: mysteriously reappearing Mystic Tan girl, with honorable mention to the Statue of Liberty guy canned by Simon Cowell two notes into his rendition of New York, New York) we have our first arrests of the season. And in a touching, only-on-Idol twist, this time, the felons are twins:

No sooner had we been thinking to ourselves, "The children of Ethiopia have it so easy. Isn't there some way to humiliate them on a large scale?" comes word of Ethiopian Idols, a pirated version of the popular American Idol singing contest that has against all odds (ex.: no one in Ethiopia owns a TV) taken the impoverished nation by storm, proving that a good schadenfreude showcase can find an audience just about anywhere.

Like a cat play-swatting at an injured bird, Fox has been taking its sweet time waffling over where to put American Idol on its midseason schedule, leaving a very flinchy NBC hanging and nervous. The trades report today that the network has made its mildly sadistic albeit hilariously satisfying decision: it wasn't changing a thing.

Here's some exciting news for fans of the sadistic exploitation of shameless, fame-hungry minors: American Idol has been renewed well into the next decade! After a nail-biting "will he or will he?" episode involving a legal dispute, ill-fitting-muscle-shirt-wearer Simon Cowell has signed on for another five seasons, with no word yet on the involvement of the show's other standbys, narcotized, differently abled clapper Paula Abdul, "A'ight" aficionado Randy Jackson, or recently crowned Carnaval Queen/Idol host Ryan Seacrest.

Yahoo! News featured this Reuters photo caption this morning, with the following caption:

• Nicole Richie and her fiancée DJ AM acted rather chilly towards one another at his club, especially after AM pushed Richie away from him. Like our mother always said: It's not good to fight on an empty stomach. [R&M (3rd item)]
• After getting hit on the head by a falling pole, Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria is back to work. She didn't even take six weeks off! What a trouper. These starlets are just soooo inspirational. [Page Six]
• Designer Marc Ecko vows to file a federal lawsuit against Mayor Bloomberg for denying him his right to throw a graffiti block party. In a city where we can't even dance and smoke in the same rooms where we get hammered, was Ecko really surprised? [NYDN]
• Now that the Plaza hotel is being raped and pillaged into condos, real estate-watchers are speculating that a 600-square-foot studio could go for around $1.4 million. It's a fair price to live a safe distance from vegan murderers looking for smack. [Page Six]
• Remember Mario Vasquez, the American Idol hopeful who bolted the show for no good reason? Smart move, as he's just signed a hefty record deal with Clive Davis. Corey Clark is so jealous. [Fox411]