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Choosing the gayest moment in American Idol history is like trying to choose your favorite Ken doll: There's just too, too many and they're all so, so gay. A decent case, however, could have been made for the events following the dismissal last night of 18-year-old Garet Layne Johnson, a tiny Wyoming cowboy who managed to inspire and/or creep all of us out a bit, thanks to his green world view and "aw, shucks" humility, not to mention his singing (like a tone-deaf, gay cowboy angel). When Garet got the boot last night, he crumpled into a ball and sobbed into the chest of his co-bootee, hunky cowdaddy Matthew Buckstein, who caressed him and told he had nothing to be ashamed about. As queer Idol moments went, it was a doozy: Clay Aiken once tried a similar maneuver on Ruben Studdard, but the velvet teddybear swatted him across the stage moments before contact.
Don't expect Johnson to just stumble off, though, mutilating Elton John songs into the sunset. This is post-William Hung America, where a strange little man with no discernible talent except for moving fairly easily in dangerously tight jeans can still manage to carve out a showbiz career for himself. The dream begins right now, right here, at GaretJohnsonOnline.com.