Concerned about their sudden, unexplained weight gain, a group of health-conscious agents at CAA took some initiative and made sure that every baby in the agency's refrigerator is now properly labeled with nutritional information.
This morning, Page Six notes another defection from William Morris, again ascribing this latest betrayal to unhappiness over the New Yorker profile of "unorthodox" WMA president Dave Wirtschafter. The way they're fixating, you'd think the Sixers are opening up an agency of their own, populated solely by former Morris clients:
It's a little unusual to see The Agent Dance official mascot Ari Emanuel's face on two different posts in a single day, but word around the agent bloodcooler is that Angelina Jolie has signed with CAA. There is no truth to the rumor (which we just invented right now) that Jolie signed with William Morris for five minutes, dumped them in disgust over Dave Wirtschafter's failure to mention her in his New Yorker profile, then signed with the new agency.
Now with 10 percent less cola!
"Unorthodox" William Morris president Dave Wirtschafter couldn't have known that his profile in the New Yorker, which should've been a high-brow blowjob for his agency, was going to wind up being such a headache. An operative shares this anecdote, which might reveal an unexpected bright side:
William Morris is bleeding clients like a hemophiliac 17th century French monarch at a paper-cut convention. Early in the week, Sarah Michelle Gellar dropped the agency over the New Yorker profile of "unorthodox" WMA president Dave Wirtschafter, and yesterday, Halle Berry punted them curbward. According to Variety, Berry didn't love Wirtschafter's disclosure about some of her movie deals in the article, like this one for Perfect Stranger:
William Morris is in damage control mode as Tad Friend's New Yorker profile of president Dave Wirtschafter makes the rounds in Hollywood. Yesterday, Sarah Michelle Gellar, the linchpin of The Grudge and Scooby Doo franchises, ditched the agency in a publicist-assisted huff. Here's the offending quote from the article:
As we mentioned yesterday, this week's New Yorker features Tad Friend's profile of William Morris president Dave Wirtschafter and his "unorthodox" approach to his job, (i.e., he's loathe to attend parties and schmooze client while hunting for new ones to poach). And not since social scientists locked two junior agents from CAA and WMA in a glass tank with a Polaroid of Tom Cruise and took notes until one chewed through the other's colon has there been such an in-depth study of the agenting arts. In fact, the profile is so tightly packed with nuggets that we're going to pull quotes from the piece all week and present them devoid of any kind of context. Like this:
In this week's New Yorker, Tad Friend submerges himself in the William Morris shark tank to profile president Dave Wirtschafter, "exemplar of a new breed of Hollywood agent." The magazine's website features a Q & A where Friend discusses his harrowing journey amongst the bloodthirsty tenpercenters with writer Ben Greenman. Here, Friend breaks down the time-honored poaching ritual:
Sometimes we love this town so much we can hardly bear it; if it were a bunny, we'd squeeze it so hard that its adorable little marble eyes would pop out and roll underneath the warren. Even when blinded by a spell of late night horniness, this aspiring actor is still practical enough to think about his career:
Page Six's Paula Froelich gives her agent/BFF Ari Emanuel and his agency a healthy plug in today's column:
When things on Wilshire Blvd. are quiet and agents aren't busy stealing each other's clients or switching allegiances in the middle of the night, the Agent Dance likes to pause for reports on other agency-related action. A Defamer operative submits this fresh intelligence about a couple of hot deals going down at Paradigm:
Let the post-Oscar agent-dumpings begin! We've heard a rumor that Jude Law is depriving CAA of the rainbows that spring forth from a mere flutter of his eyelashes, and has shifted the balance of pretty-boy star power in Endeavor's direction, signing with Patrick Whitesell. (Look at official Agent Dance mascot Ari Emanuel smiling! He's positively tickled!) If the changeover indeed goes down, how did Whitesell land Law? Did he promise to key Chris Rock's car for calling Law a "second choice" actor at the Oscars? Did he close the deal at his Oscar party at 4 a.m. with a soak in a hot tub full of hookers and a bag full of kind bud? Was Law promised that fellow Whitesell client Ben Affleck will be by to clean his pool twice a week? We're willing to go out on a limb and say the Affleck thing was the deal-breaker.
We just heard a rumor that both Ice Cube and Bruce Willis have left CAA—separately, we suppose, as much as we love the image of Cube and Willis skipping up Wilshire Boulevard, arm in arm, in search of new adventures and new representation. As far as we know, neither has signed on with another firm. But what do we know? We're still imagining the two happily frolicking along, but now Bruno is holding a picnic basket and scattering rose petals behind them, asking Cube if signing up for three more Die Hard sequels would make him look a little desperate.
