A Connecticut teen delivered the celebrity prom invitation to (hopefully) end all celebrity prom invitations when she asked U.S. Vice President "Diamond Joe" Biden to be her date.

Where the hell do you rent an elephant from? Somebody in the Tampa Bay area knows, apparently.

New York University, which generates the most student loan debt of any college in America, is building a fully-functional, degree-generating campus in Abu Dhabi on the backs of migrant workers being treated like dogs.

Lunchables, the popular cracker-n-meat-n-cheez combo meals indicative of how much your parents did not care about your health as a child, are now considered acceptable sustenance for even high school-aged kids. Are adults next?

Rivka Galchen has a slightly unusual background for a fiction writer, having first trained as a psychiatrist and then abandoned that career path to pursue an MFA at Columbia. Her 2008 novel, Atmospheric Disturbances, showed the math of that career trajectory, because it was about a man who believes that his wife had been replaced by an impostor.

Patton Oswalt, a tweeter who trolls (read: "a Twitter user"), attempts to make peace with his haters by staging a (fake) "Patton Oswalt hater" group and then attending to expose them as the unsightly, festering oozes of human scum that they are, dammit.

When a lady gets married, it's traditional that the man who had sex with her on camera should donate four months' worth of his profits from the sex tape to the happy newlyweds. And by "traditional," I mean "a new thing Ray J just made up."

A woman builds a tower using ice from an overnight hailstorm in São Paulo, Brazil, on Monday. Some residents told local media their children had never seen hail or played in ice. Image via Nelson Antoine/AP.

It's widely recognized that the insanely high pay of corporate CEOs is connected to poorly run companies in which executives use shareholder money as their personal ATM. Did you know that public universities are exactly the same? It's true!

On the latest episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver discussed the new EU ruling that will allow citizens to have Google remove search results that damage their reputations. And, more importantly, John Oliver did a fantastic impression of Morrissey.

A 22-year-old woman has reportedly confessed to making multiple bomb threats to try and cancel Quinnipiac University's commencement last weekend, because she didn't want her family to know she had blown all their money and wasn't graduating.

A 10-year-old who caught a foul ball at Friday's game between Toronto and Texas looked great in front of the cameras when he offered it to the attractive 20-something ladies sitting behind him. Smooth, little Casanova. Very smooth.

Judge Ronald Zweibel of the New York Supreme Court has just sentenced Occupy Wall Street protester Cecily McMillan to 90 days at Rikers Island, including time served, with 5 years probation, according to reports from Twitter and a Livestream outside the courtroom.

At 1 p.m. EDT today, the writer Rivka Galchen will drop by Gawker to talk about her new book of short stories, American Innovations in Kinja. In the meantime prepare your questions, and you can read the first story in the collection for free here. Or her delightful nonfiction article about hurricanes here.

During her commencement speech at Wake Forest's graduation ceremony this morning, Jill Abramson addressed her recent firing as Executive Editor of the New York Times, comparing her current position to that of many of the graduating students.

On Friday night, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed a secret show in their hometown of Seattle to honor a new exhibit at the city's EMP Museum. This would have been completely unremarkable had Macklelmore not dressed up as the stereotype of a greedy, hook-nosed Jewish man.

Kendall Jenner, one of the stars of Keeping Up With the Kardashians: The Next Generation, is primarily known for modeling and for posting sideboob photos on her outrageously popular Instagram account. She is not known for reading.

Reassuringly cuddly platitude coiner Thomas Friedman is a very respected and influential interpreter of world events. Not for his insight into these events, but for his ability to make up a name for them that his fans—children—can understand.

Poppy, of Bournemouth, England has officially been christened the world's oldest living cat at the spry age of 24, or 114 in human years. Her secret to being forever young? Oh, just lots of water and portion control. And chicken. Kitchen-fresh only:

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder is expected to announce this morning in Washington that the Justice Department will file charges against Chinese government officials for allegedly hacking into American companies for trade secrets.