• More on John Thain's ignominious departure from BofA. [WSJ, BN, NYT]
• Mary Schapiro was approved by the Senate to head the SEC. [DB]
• Citi is remaking its board and is ousting Ken Derr and Franklin Thomas. [FT]
• Some investment bankers are keeping busy: Pfizer is in talks to acquire Wyeth in a deal that could be valued at more than $60 billion. [WSJ, BN]
• Wesley Edens' Fortress is returning cash to investors. [WSJ]
• Marc Dreier will need to post a $20 million bond to walk out of prison. [NYT]
• Job cuts in UBS's investment banking division come next month. [AP]
• Rumor has it additional layoffs at Goldman are coming, too. [Dealbreaker]

• Lizzie Grubman gave birth to another son yesterday. Little Jack arrived ahead of schedule, though, which must be wreaking havoc on Lizzie's weekend plans. [P6]
• Larry King lost "more than $1 million" to Bernie Madoff. And some sources say Madoff is now contending with some "serious" health issues. [P6]
• Tom Cruise is undergoing an image makeover so he can win back female fans. This will reportedly prohibit him from wearing sunglasses on the red carpet, getting grabby with Katie Holmes, or lecturing TV hosts on psychiatric medications. [Star]

It took all of two working days for the Obama Administration's relationship with the media to get testy. The president shouldn't seem so surprised.

We didn't end up with a Kennedy or a Cuomo in the end. We got Kirsten Gillibrand. Unless, of course, Gov. David Paterson changes his mind between now and noon when he makes a public announcement. So you can still cling to the thought it's Fran Drescher. [NYT]

The credulous public didn't hear the REAL performance by Yo-Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman at Barack Obama's inauguration. It heard a two-day old recording. Along with that fake oath.

Ayelet Waldman, the writer and the overadoring and slightly stalky wife of Michael Chabon, emailed a lengthy account of the couple's AAA-list adventure at Barack Obama's inauguration. To 5,000 less awesome people.

His rocket fetish and bio-weapons research notwithstanding, Silicon Valley venture capitalist Steve Jurvetson is known for funding invention, not producing it. Funny how some illegal Obama sex changed all that.

"Gilli" what now? Kirsten Gillibrand does not have a household name like "Kennedy" or "Clinton," yet she somehow got her crafty hands on a New York senate seat, reportedly.

Trend alert: Did you know it's very "hot" to be black or lesbian right now? We know it's true because CNN coolhunter Larry King, 112, said so. Everyone laughed nervously.

Mallory from Family Ties just liked to go to the mall and stuff, but that was the 1980s; today's Mallory would hang out on Twitter and Tumblr, reblogging cute boys. So it is with Justine Bateman.

Rumor has it former Good Morning America producer Ben Sherwood was pressured into giving up an appearance on his former show — because out outrage from his own former staff.

• Malia is totally into "pleats and pared-down things," but is not a "huge fan of sparkles." Sasha, on the other hand, totally adores "bright colors and sparkly things." Could America's first daughters be any cuter? [WSJ]
• IMG would really love it if Michelle Obama turned up for Fashion Week next month. [SF]
• The mood was not very cheery at Men's Fashion Week in Milan, reports Guy Trebay, who says designers appeared to be reacting to the downturn "by staging a mass memorial for themselves. [NYT]
• Rumor has it 60 Minutes is planning a story on Anna Wintour. [NYM]
• Is Barneys' parent company putting the retailer up for sale? [BN]
• A sneak peek at Scarlett Johansson's new ads for D&G makeup. [SW]
• Not surprisingly, Jason Wu's website has been flooded with traffic. [FWD]
• Christian Lacroix's fab Paris apartment is up for sale. [Fashionologie]
• Sad and very disturbing: Brazilian model Mariana Bridi had to have her hands and feet amputated due to a life-threatening blood infection. [NYDN]

Well Sundance '09 is finally winding down. As we stagger out of Park City and back to our respective ghettos—Seth and Kyle to LA, STV to NYC—we thought we'd run down the numbers for you.

The latter is the subject of a brand-new viral video, which re-weaves the American tapestry to include Crudup's big, blue superhero, Dr. Manhattan. How was he created? What powers does he possess, and how have they transformed the world as we know it? What was up with that terrible Dr. Manhattan cartoon on Saturday mornings? All those queries are answered and then some, but we have one complaint: the news report is full of censored wang. If there's anything the moviegoing audience needed to begin preparing for, it's some incredible, cerulean hero-steak. [Youtube]

Toronto mayor enlists Sandra Oh in crippling Hollywood coup. [MyHogtown]

Though we've pointed out how many of Billy Bob Thornton's costars suffer untimely fates, we had no idea the star was taking extreme, air-shunning steps to curtail the curse.

Today on Twitter: Media people being pretentious, from Bonnie Fuller to Wired's Chris Anderson and beyond!

You know what you don't need when you're under 24-hour lockdown in your apartment? Six cars. The trustee liquidating Bernie Madoff's investment firm has asked a judge to allow him to cancel the leases on six vehicles, including a Range Rover, Cadillac, Lexus and three Mercedes Benzes. Five of the six will go back to dealers in New York City and Long Island; keep an eye out for a 2009 Mercedes S550 that suddenly appears on the lot of Rallye Motors in Roslyn. Odds are it's either black or gray. [Bloomberg]

Scripted television episode titles are usually puns, inside jokes or formulaic (Friends' "The One...", Scrubs' "My...") and not worth mentioning, but the aforementioned title of tonight's Supernatural takes this trivial practice to the sublime.

Thus far there are five major competing theories as to why Caroline Kennedy pulled out of the Senate race so suddenly and mysteriously. We list them, and give exact statistical odds, below: