Watchmen is a movie full of "what ifs," like, "What if Larry Gordon hadn't been a total dope?" and "What if American history was retold through the perspective of Billy Crudup's nuclear penis?"

The latter is the subject of a brand-new viral video, which re-weaves the American tapestry to include Crudup's big, blue superhero, Dr. Manhattan. How was he created? What powers does he possess, and how have they transformed the world as we know it? What was up with that terrible Dr. Manhattan cartoon on Saturday mornings? All those queries are answered and then some, but we have one complaint: the news report is full of censored wang. If there's anything the moviegoing audience needed to begin preparing for, it's some incredible, cerulean hero-steak. [Youtube]