The Smashing Pumpkins frontman can now add Jessica Simpson as another notch in his rather unfortunate bedpost. Billy, it's time to stop dating below you and get back to work doing something great. We have suggestions.

In the world of celebrities, socialites, and reality stars, relationships are more often "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" than "long-term." That's to be expected, of course. Think of all the temptations when countless other beautiful people are around! To size up the potential of a handful of newer and more high-profile couples on the New York City scene, we turned to Patti Wood, the "Babe Ruth of body language experts" who has evaluated unspoken signals for hundreds of media outlets over the years. Join us below as Wood breaks down which twosomes are destined for eternal bliss—and which are bound for a break-up.

In your miserable Wednesday media column: Luke Russert tries some politricks, the New York Times tells black people what to buy, Lachlan Murdoch sells out, Time Magazine is unafraid to take a bold listicle stand, and a new Gatecrasher columnist.

George Stephanopoulos is reinventing himself for the third time. He's been a smug political hack, a penitent political memoirist, an earnest political journalist, and now he's going to host ABC News' wacky morning show. Let's look at his past transformations.

Long before she was getting punched in the face on national television, Snooki from MTV's Jersey Shore just knew she was destined for great things. A look at some of her finest moments after the jump.

If anyone deserves to fail this class, it's the teacher! Watch this first-year chemistry professor blow up his lab during a science experiment. (But hey, explosions are what make chemistry fun anyway, right?)

When Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme was exposed last December, most people were horrified by the massive fraud. Other people, however, took a little bit of inspiration from Madoff's exploits.

A brilliant and imaginative group of food artists make an exact replica of the London skyline—using food. And instead of using traditional English dishes to make the skyline, they used fruits and vegetables—so it's edible, too!

Dolls aimed at girls tend to involve either babies or beautification. The creators of these dolls embraced those themes, but took them a step further. Maybe too far.

Ayla Brown father and former naked person Scott Brown will be your next Senator from the Great State of Massachusetts, assuming hell freezes over!

Last week at this time, nutty Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was sitting behind bars, having been arrested for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and underwear from a former model named Jasmine Lennard. (She was also accused of leaving behind a wet towel and used vibrator as her "calling card," but that's another story.)

This bad best friend can't decide whether to use his airhorn or his megaphone — so he uses both.

We've updated our definitive Tiger Woods timeline with all the latest shame and racism. Enjoy!

Added to our New York Times Buyout List: Sports reporter Joe Lapointe.

The Brooks Brothers-clad financistas are going to ruin everything that is awesome in Manhattan, including Penthouse founder Bob Guccione's Upper East Side den of sin. New owner Philip Falcone is going to renovate and remove all the awesomest details.

An intruder breaks into a woman's house; she calls for assistance. Does she have a gun? OF COURSE SHE HAS A GUN, STUPID. It's just her feeble female brain can't use it unless she's shooting it in the kitchen. HELP!

Terry Watanabe, a big wheel in the Asian party favor import business, lost nearly $127 million gambling in Vegas casinos in 2007. But he gave fantastic tips. Call it even?

Follow these instructions to get the most bang for your buck the next time you're at the bar.

Dick Fuld is ready to restore his good name! The former CEO of Lehman Brothers and current Wall Street punching bag set up a new company a few months ago called Matrix Advisers, and now sources tell the Post that Fuld plans to use focus his energies at the firm on raising capital for small businesses. It's not quite as straightforward as simply apologizing and publicly acknowledging that mistakes were made. But why take the easy route? [NYP]