This morning in Johannesburg, R. Kelly performed "Sign of a Victory" to open the 2010 World Cup. The number includes Kelly dropping to his knees, lyrics about global warming, and—of course—autotune. In other words, it's pure gold.

A jailed Italian mobster says he has evidence that America's sexiest study abroad killer, Amanda Knox, didn't kill roommate Meredith Kercher, after all. He says his brother did it, thereby defying The Godfather by siding against the family. [CNN, via]

Ponying may be the new "icing." Ginuwine's "Pony" was a bump-n-grind staple of late 90's bar mitzvahs and middle school dances, but has found new life as the latest cruel horror you can inflict upon your fellow bro-kind. More inside!

The South Carolina Republican party has censured and asked to resign state senator Jake Knotts, who recently called GOP gubernatorial nominee Nikki Haley and President Obama each a "raghead." Knotts is a bit of a "character" and obviously won't resign.

Thanks to all who entered the Canon EOS 7D Video Contest. We got an overwhelming number of submissions, and now it's up to you to decide who will win a Canon EOS 7D. Watch the top 6 videos and cast your vote for your favorite auteur below!

This morning on The Today Show, Hoda and Kathie Lee, along with their favorite "Mr. Big Stuff" Donny Deutsch, attempted to infiltrate the male mind and got dirty while chatting about breast implants, threesomes, and body odor.

If Les Moonves has anything to say about it, at least. Also today: a disproportionate amount of theatre news involving elves and vampires, that idiot movie casts another idiot, and the woeful tale of D.L. Hughley.

Two days ago, we reported that Michael Bloomberg's security may have been compromised in the Great iPad Security Breach of 2010. So how does New York's billionaire mayor feel about his private information being revealed?

Friday Funbags is a "Kade Style" spotlight and ratings breakdown on a particular female that is happening in "The Biz" this week. This week, Arthur takes a look at Christina Aguilera.

Gentlemen, clearly parkour was meant for outdoor environments, you should know better. Also, always make sure the object you want to hurdle over is stable. Knowing is half the battle.

Arianna Huffington needs a five-word speech to give at the Webby Awards, and she's soliciting suggestions on her blog. I've got one: "Crowdsourcing everything, including this speech." Got something better? Put on your thinking cap, and help us help Arianna.

Describing your dream girl seems like an innocent enough segment. But watch as this guy's red flags wave boldly when he confesses he either wants you to be just like his mother—or Beyonce.

[Joe Biden watches this morning's World Cup opening match between host South Africa and Mexico from his VIP booth, trying to figure out what the hell this "soccer" nonsense is anyway. Image via AP.]

The claws were out and in full force on last night's Real Housewives of NYC reunion, and Kelly brought her usual dose of complete crazy. Watch her and Alex McCord duke it out inside.

Every time Lindsay Lohan drinks, it costs $10,000. English muffins can trigger false positives on alcohol monitors. Probation is the most complicated thing in the world. These are the things I've learned from the daily travails of the Lohans.

Who knew the man known for his extraordinary action sequences would long for a nice scene singing on the beach? On The View, Chan confesses he wouldn't mind doing more singing than Kung Fu.

Using social media for pornography rather than incoherent rambling, Courtney Love posted pictures that reveal her breasts and lady area on Facebook. Also, there is this one of her being spanked by her twin sister, transsexual plastic-surgery lover Amanda Lepore.

Just minutes ago a tipster spotted actor and prankster Matt Damon walking through a scene for a new movie on Fifth Avenue and 48th Street. If you spot him—or any other celeb—email us or post it to #stalker.

Judd Apatow was at the Correspondents Dinner and on a private tour of the White House and still hasn't got to meet to President. Among the obstacles standing in his way: his wife's bladder, speechwriter Jon Lovett and Tracy Morgan.

Dedicated viewers of ABC's short-lived FlashForward staged a "global blackout" in London, Edinburgh, Dublin, Pisa, New York, Atlanta, Seattle, Toronto, Detroit, Chicago and Los Angeles. Despite the global outcry, it seems like a long-shot that ABC will bring it back.