Here's some free advice: Your alternative is to find another job. You might want to save some of that dues money for the eventual grievance procedures you'll be fighting under a Murdoch-owned Journal. [Romenesko]

There's something about Rupert Murdoch's bid for Dow Jones that makes it irresistible for columnists and media observers to engage in tortured literary analogies. On Friday, HuffPo's Jason Linkins compared the news that the Bancroft family would meet with the man who was bidding for their property to a Tennessee Williams play; this morning, David Carr sees it as something out of a Jane Austen novel. (It's kind of understandable: Recall that on the day the offer was announced, the New York Observer saw the deal as Dickens' Marley, dead to start with.) Still, we think there's a more apt analogy that everyone's missing: This story is pretty much exactly what Public Enemy described in "You're Gonna Get Yours," the lead cut from their 1987 major-label debut, Yo! Bum Rush The Show.

Now that every presidential candidate has a MySpace page, "News Corp. will soon be able to track and monitor online donations made to presidential candidates." The Financial Times notes that goo-goo types are raising questions about whether or not donations given through individual candidate pages make MySpace a "bundler." The company shrugs off both concerns:

Today in the greatest story that isn't! Dow Jones shares took a giant tumble yesterday amid speculation that Rupert Murdoch won't go any higher than his $60-a-share offer for the company. News Corp. shares, on the other hand, rose 6.2%, mainly because of profits from that movie where Ben Stiller is out-acted by a CGI Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton. The Wall Street Journal suggests that the proposed merger between Thomson and Reuters "risks putting Dow Jones Newswires at a disadvantage compared with larger rivals, in particular a combined Reuters-Thomson," which will effect the way Dow Jones shareholders evaluate the bid.

And so it begins:

Today in the world's most important story: The Dow Jones board of directors chose to take no action on Murdoch's bid for their company. A voting majority oppose accepting the offer. Or do they really? Divisions in the three branches of the Bancroft family, combined with the amount News Corp. is willing to pay, may make it an offer they can't refuse. At least a few folks claim they literally may not have a choice: "a case for litigation" could be made should they turn down the bid. (Well, sorta maybe not so much, but maybe!)

Just in: Rupert Murdoch and his fleet of News Corp. flying monkeys have made an unsolicited offer for Dow Jones, owner of the Wall Street Journal, for $60 a share. This morning, shares in Dow Jones were trading at around $36. The shares shot up to nearly $55 by 11:15 a.m., and trading has been halted. (Note nifty Yahoo finance graph!) Hold on to your hats! And pants! And mostly wallets!

News Corp. Bids For Dow Jones [CNBC]

By virtue of our job we tend to consume more media than most folks we know; by virtue of being old we tend to consume more of that media in print form. Our mornings generally consist of waking up at an ungodly hour and reading the Times, then walking to the train station, where we buy a copy of the Post, wait for the 6, and head down to the office. We generally pick the Post over the News for two reasons: It's only a quarter, and it's quick enough that we've finished it by the time we hit SoHo. So the recent announcement that the Post was going to hike its cost back to 50 cents gave us pause: Would we still pick up the paper at that price point? Then we recalled an incident that happened a few weeks ago.

• Times Co. to increase dividend by 31%. (But whose idea was it?) So enjoy that extra third of no profits, stockholders! [NYT]
  

• Melissa Lafsky gets her chilly paws on an actual! print! copy! of Radar, and finds that our new helmsman is represented within. Also within: a timeline about cocaine, and a guide to which celebs have "Inner Fatties." We're drooling like Tinsley Mortimer over a burger. [ETP]
  

• Keith Kelly gets the "exclusive": Time Warner is selling its Time 4 Media properties to the Bonnier Group for a sum considerably less than the $300 million they wanted. Tough break for AdAge, which had the story yesterday but pulled it. [NYP]
  

No one but the Devil knows every name on Rupert Murdoch's enemies list, and that's only because Satan takes dictation from Murdoch. Still, the News Corp. chairman has an impressive history of racking up nemeses on several continents. So far, he's either wrestled them to the carpet or held them at bay in one form or another. But even with regular infusions of industrial-strength nookie from a wife half his age, the man still has to watch the ramparts for skulking invaders. To that end, consider a short and by no means comprehensive list of Murdoch's opponents — past, present, future, or some combination thereof.

Who doesn't want to party down in an airport setting? News Corp. had their holiday shindig on Friday, and one enterprising party crasher made it through the bronze gates to feast on international "cuisine" and mingle with the Murdochian minions. Prepare yourself for a ride with the mild bunch:

• Apparently, what finally got Judith Regan canned was making anti-Semitic comments. When are people going to learn that you cannot fuck with the Jews? Also, if anyone out there knows what she said specifically, get in touch. We'll pay top dollar to either of you Jew lawyers who were on the other end of the phone. [NYT]
  

A tipster writes:

• Evil, Inc.'s Rupert Murdoch and Liberty Media's John C. Malone kiss and make up. [NYT]
  

Canceling O.J. Simpson's If I Did It book and TV special may have cost News Corp. and its subsidiaries $10 million, but they did manage to recoup $1 million of that in a kill fee when ABC and Barbara Walters ultimately passed on hosting the televised portion of the circus. Apparently, Walters was courted because — chuckle — "an interviewer of her stature would give the project an aura of legitimacy." Sorry, but even Edward R. Murrow wouldn't have enough stature for that assignment. Walters and friends waffled on the choice too long, which is why they had to fork over the kill fee; Walters irritated News Corp. even more by later dissing the Simpson deal on the The View, as if she never would have considered such a thing. Her aura of legitimacy remains thankfully intact.

A confusing coda to the O.J./ReganBooks/NewsCorp. evilfest: Denise Brown, murdered Nicole's sister, opens up about the cash that somebody or other at NewsCorp. offered her family and Ron Goldman's family over the weekend. She claims to have said no way to the "like 'Oh, I'm sorry' money," which she interpreted as a bribe, though a NewsCorp. spokesman claims that there were no strings attached, and that the company was merely "looking for ways to help." Aww.

A tipster kindly sent over the "save the date" for the News Corp. holiday party, to be held next month with what seems to be an aviational theme. One might assume, after Bill O'Reilly's temper tantrums last year about companies that have taken the Christmas out of the Christmas season, that his employer would've gone to great lengths to make sure that the party was appropriately Christian-themed ... or at the very least, called a Christmas party. Can we even get a pine tree up in this piece?

There's a curious incident in today's Post dating column. A lucky dumbass is faced with the following dilemma: