We have no idea if this emailer is telling the truth, but precedent in this matter gives us no reason to doubt his tale:

Our single favorite sentence in this week's New York:

In this week's edition of New York magazine's Look Book, we meet Pete Kress, your friendly neighborhood bouncer. Pete considers his style "rico suave," likes pig carcasses, and comes complete with tattoos and pit bull. But we bet you already knew all that just by looking at him. After the jump, Intern Alexis grills Aziz Ansari, Jen Adams, and Christina Kallery for their tips and tricks for making Petey a pretty boy.

This week's New York mag cover story is a brilliant study in class envy: It's the salary issue, in which the projected payoffs of various Manhattanites are presented in a handy listicle, ready for your shock and ire.

In this week's New York Magazine: "How did two young, smart, and beautiful college girls wind up dead from a cocaine-and-heroin overdose?"

Attention: This week's edition of New York mag's Look Book does not feature a total fucktard. We're sorry — we know you were really looking forward to gawking at some NYU fool who fashioned a tuxedo out of a mere trucker hat. But don't worry; Kirsten Yadouga (at right) is still worth a moment of good-natured mockery! An accessories designer for the Gap, Kirsten likes to look girly and pretty, loves alternafreak author JT Leroy, and claims to have found that fab yellow dress at a vintage store. (Well, we suppose last season's Ella Moss is "vintage" in some circles.) After the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Tim Stack, Meredith Bodgas, and Chris McFall ponder Kirsten's style and what would happen if she met JT Leroy.

We hope New York editor Adam Moss and his design director, the lovable Luke Hayman, are just bursting with pride right now. Because The Guardian in London totally ripped off their "Look Book" for the redesigned newspaper's new "Style" page.

In this week's edition of the Look Book, New York magazine assaults us with the image of hedge-fund manager David Roach, who could clearly dominate you at Golden Tee while shoving one of his pricey Cuban cigars up your ass. Alright, fine: Rauch doesn't exactly admit to enjoying those exact activities, but he says he's got a "superrich" mentality, so we're sure we're not too far off base. After the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Ky Henderson, Matteo Borghese, and John Boschetto for analysis of this interesting specimen.

Golly, we sure do love lists. Especially arbitrary, wonderfully judgmental lists. And so it brings us great joy that the latest New York magazine has come forth to magically proclaim the 50 most aesthetically pleasing New Yorkers. A sampling of the Chosen Ones:

Turns out Adam Moss's New York beauty pageant wasn't a contest for the king and queen of this five-borough'd homecoming dance, as we'd reported, but rather an effort to find the 50 Most Beautiful New Yorkers.

This week's edition of New York magazine's Look Book goes for the jugular of international media and profiles Sofia Hedstrom, a reporter for a Swedish television show based in our fair city. Don't get your lube out just yet — Sofia's not exactly the girl of your Nordic fantasties. She is, however, a fan of H&M (how patriotic). And, because Sofia's read the August issues of every magazine on the racks right now, she's got a sneaking suspicion that 60s style is going to be popular for fall. Maybe so, but that doesn't excuse her knee socks and Banana shorts. After the jump, Intern Alexis cajoles Nick Sylvester and Hud Morgan into doling out a few pearls of pretty, petty wisdom.

We admit we were just a touch skeptical about the alleged New York mag assistant editor who was refused admission to a Meatpacking hotspot. It's tough to imagine a magazine person who'd pull that move in person — telling the bouncer, "You're denying entrance to an assistant editor for New York magazine?" If it were us, we'd call in advance and try to pull media cred to get a reservation, because the risk of refusal at the door is too high — and would be too public.

Outside of a certain Meatpacking District "hotspot" this past Saturday night, a Gawker spy witnessed the following exchange between a tall, 30-ish brunette and the venue's iron-fisted doorman:

• How to ride the subway. If you want to be hated. [This Is What We Do Now]
• All the President's Men was screened in Tribeca last night, with Woodward, Bernstein, and Bradlee in attendance. Also Woodward's young daughter, who was overheard having the crushing realization that, no, her father does not look like Robert Redford. [MyJewishBooks/JewishFilm]
• It's so cute when Germans try to act ghetto. [Verbose Coma]
• With today's New York mag web headlines, Tristam Shandy officially turns on Adam Moss. [Tristam Shandy]

Ask yourself, what's in a name?

Intern Alexis would like to apologize to each and every one of you: For the past three weeks or so, she's been a PCP-infused haze, eating innocent kittens, and ditching her intern responsibilites like only a bitchy addict would. By abandoning her Look Book duties, she burned you, she burned us, and she burned dozens of starving orphans who had nothing more to look forward to in life than Alexis' weekly feature.

Start slathering on your going-out face and undergoing all the latest peels, rubs, and injections: We hear spa and beauty guru Beth Landman is soon to be skedaddling from the luxurious mud baths of New York mag. We understand it's an amicable departure, but we don't know any more than that. Feel free to fill us in, if you'd like.

If you're frustrated the All-Star break is leaving you with insufficient athletic-spectation opportunities this evening, we've got some great news: New York battles The New Yorker on the soccer pitch tonight. The game starts at 9:05 at Houston Street and the West Side Highway. And the smart money (at least at 444 Madison, it seems) is on The New Yorker.

The latest New York magazine has a too-many-words-to-count feature on Riker's Island inmate Jason Itzler, also known as the free-spending, arrogant pimp behind NY Confidential, a high-dollar escort agency that brought in as much as $25,000 a night from its Worth Street loft. The story is a typical tale of a rise-and-fall in the underworld, complete with a heartwarming storyline of Itzler's beloved, a $2K hooker named Natalia. In this story, however, it's not the money and the sex that are fascinating — it's Itzler's interaction with high society that we find particularly enlightening:

New York lost a features editor last month and an articles editor in September. Now it's staffing back up, hiring two folks who will be, as editor Adam Moss put it in an informal and friendly staff email yesterday, "roughly replacing the recently departed chris lehmann and the less-recently departed joanna coles." (No caps, the sure sign of an informal and friendly email.)