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Intern Alexis would like to apologize to each and every one of you: For the past three weeks or so, she's been a PCP-infused haze, eating innocent kittens, and ditching her intern responsibilites like only a bitchy addict would. By abandoning her Look Book duties, she burned you, she burned us, and she burned dozens of starving orphans who had nothing more to look forward to in life than Alexis' weekly feature.

But no more. We've intervened, slapped the shit out of Alexis, and chained her to her computer, right where she belongs. As such, she returns with this week's Look Book winner, audiobook narrator Nick Landrum. After the jump, Us Weekly's Alyssa Shelasky, The Observer's Gabriel Sherman, and freelance genius Paul Underwood comment on Landrum's skanky cowboy style.

Alyssa Shelasky, US Weekly reporter

Nick mentions that he sounds and used to look like Andrew McCarthy. We realize that McCarthy was not in the Breakfast Club, but in lieu of a better transition, is Nick the Brain, the Criminal, the Princess, the Jock or the Basketcase?

Nick is the Princess, Claire, because that's a fat chicks name, and it doesn't take a former anorexic — who, okay, dabbled in the niche "exercise bulimia" — to see that when Nick isn't reading Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret into a dictaphone, he's reciting, "A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips... A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips..."

Nick tries and fails to explain what in the world "fruit boots" are. What do you think they are?

I asked a lot of my Southern friends what fruit boots are and no one had a fucking clue. So I think Nick is living in his own fruit boot world, or the Look Book bimbos meant to write Frye boots which are those unisex shitkickers that every rich kid in New York is wearing with strapless frocks from Intermix and stolen beads from Anthropologie. But assuming Fruit Boots are the utlimate zipperless, foot-beautifying, redneck must-have, which somehow make my Nick look less ass-bald, I've still got to nix 'em. Nick needs to air those little piggies out! I once had an ex-boyfriend who loved his size 13 Uggs — turned out the dude was gay and calloused! Whatever they are, Nick, you auto-erotic heartbreaker, you, chill with the FBs. Mkay?

Nick worries about being a straight guy with a small dog. What pet would butch him up? Should he ditch the pup or is it a fashion "do?"

The thing with Nick is that he looks pretty pervy as is. A scared puppy living in mongrammed LL Bean doesn't make things any better. In the spirit of de-scuming Nick, I think the dog has to go. It's not that it makes him look "light on his feet," it's that it makes him look like Scary Larry. I want Nick to be less Chelsea Hotel and more Soho House. Less Mariah Carey's sister, more Mariah Carey's architect. Less like he has a criminal record, more like he has a house in Montauk. In terms of accessories: a skim chai latte, the August issue of Esquire or anything Hermes orange would work better for me. Nick's better off looking 'mo than mo'lester.

And, finally, let's be honest here: is Nick really just Jay McCarroll from Project Runway?

He could be Jay McCarroll but New York mag would have to be a scratch n' stiff for us to really know — I've met McCarroll and let me tell you, that wet-baja scent lasts longer then Angel on a coke whore. But I'm still not sold — Nick could be lots of disturbingly sexy guys in town. He's got the complexion of Chris Wilson, the bod of Rufus Albemarle, the 'tude of Benico Del Toro and a face like the floor of Jay Sisters

Gabriel Sherman, media reporter, New York Observer

Nick mentions that he sounds and used to look like Andrew McCarthy. We realize that McCarthy was not in the Breakfast Club, but in lieu of a better transition, is Nick the Brain, the Criminal, the Princess, the Jock or the Basketcase?

Basketcase. Definitely. Nick's pup may scream Princess, but the whole bearded Roy Rogers get-up clearly says, "I don't have my shit together."

Nick tries and fails to explain what in the world "fruit boots" are. What do you think they are?

Deep in my fragile psyche, I imagine Fruit Boots are blowing up in Tokyo right now. Huge, just huge. A maddened flotsam of Japanese teenagers are impaling each other as we speak with their cell phones antennae in a bloodied frenzy over the latest Fruit Boot batch. I envision Ugg-ish footwear, except they're a coated in a new Teflon-latex compound pioneered by NASA, and the soles are edible and come in seven different flavors (they're even low carb too!). I think Huckleberry would be my fave. Oh, I also like Carambola. And really, could there be a more perfect accessory for Thursday Styles???

Nick worries about being a straight guy with a small dog. What pet would butch him up? Should he ditch the pup or is it a fashion "do?"

A very advanced, two-part question. A guy's manhood could definitely be pegged to the size of his pet. In that spirit, I'd recommend Nick lose the tousled locks of his satchel-bound pooch for a Boa. Nothing shouts "I'm straight," louder than a tightly coiled reptile. But your second question raises an interesting proposition: maybe the sexually ambiguous small dog companion is the latest iteration of the Manhattan male's confusion over acceptable mammal accessorizing. In our post-Metrosexual Gay-Vague Man Dating world, all bets are off. Right?

And, finally, let's be honest here: is Nick really just Jay McCarroll from Project Runway?

There certainly are similarities! They've picked up on the cowboy garb, that's clear. Maybe it's a Red State thing. But I couldn't be an honest judge to ferret out a Jay-Nick conspiracy. I've done everything humanely possible to banish myself from Reality Television. Ever since Real World Hawaii, I develop a rare condition whereby my retinas experience an intense burning sensation when exposed to reality programming (TRL included). And thankfully, my accommodating editors here at Observer have relegated me to my hovel writing about print media. Having missed out on Project Runway, I'm getting pumped for Men's Vogue.

Paul L. Underwood, freelance writer

Nick mentions that he sounds and used to look like Andrew McCarthy. We realize that McCarthy was not in the Breakfast Club, but in lieu of a better transition, is Nick the Brain, the Criminal, the Princess, the Jock or the Basketcase?

The Princess — look at that dog! Truth is, though, each one of us is a brain and an athlete and a basket case and a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question?

Nick tries and fails to explain what in the world "fruit boots" are. What do you think they are?

The result of a 1992 cross-promotion between Kellogg's (makers of Fruit Loops) and Gucci (makers of boots). Available for $20,000 and six proofs of purchase. (Offer no longer valid in the continental United States.)

Nick worries about being a straight guy with a small dog. What pet would butch him up? Should he ditch the pup or is it a fashion "do?"

Nothing says all-hetero like hanging out with 1984 AL MVP runner up Kent Hrbek. If he really wants to keep the dog, throw us a bone (har har) and get a classic motorcycle/sidecar set up. (This answer not necessarily sponsored by The United Sidecar Association.)

And, finally, let's be honest here: is Nick really just Jay McCarroll from Project Runway?

Have they ever been seen in a room together? Maybe it s a Batman/Bruce Wayne thing. Or, in this case, a Bruce Wayne/Bruce Wayne thing. But in a straight way.