Michele Bachmann, a mother-of-five in town from a flyover state, successfully operated a New York City subway turnstile this morning, and on her first try no less—much better than can be said of Hillary Clinton.

Michele Bachmann—former presidential candidate, soon-to-be-ex-congresswoman, corn-dog enthusiast—wants to make sure you know what's at stake in the gay-rights debate: tyranny, deviancy, and most of all, lots of child rape.

John Boehner is making a concession to his right-wing colleagues with a plan to sue (but not impeach) Barack Obama for being king or something. Michele Bachmann will articulate that plan to Fox News now. But Fox News' Neil Cavuto ain't having any of it.

Wearing a necklace only the bling ring could love, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann told a crowd of rapt CPAC members that "we will have a woman for president, just the right one." The conference's closing events coincide with today's celebration of International Women's Day.

Michele Bachmann herp a derp derp derp derpity herpy derp the Jews herp herp derpy derpaderp Obama. Derp?

"America has always been a nation where hard work and creativity pay off, where upward mobility was the aspired goal," Michele Bachmann blogged Wednesday, appealing "to lift more people out of poverty." Fuck that noise. You know where it's at? The servant-owning leisure class of English lords and ladies, bitches!

On Fox News last night, Rep. Michele Bachmann confirmed Rachel Maddow's suspicion that Republicans were happy about the government shutting down, telling Sean Hannity "this is about the happiest I've seen members in a long time."

A top aide for Michele Bachmann has been arrested and charged in connection with a string of burglaries in the Rayburn House Office Building, one of the office buildings for the House of Representatives.

In a press conference following the Supreme Court's decision to declare the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was asked if she had a reaction to Michele Bachmann's statement that "no man, not even a Supreme Court, can undo what a holy God has instituted."

Michele Bachmann is packing up her trolling operation and marching it out of the House of Representatives: After eight years of faithful service (and now facing an FBI probe) the congresswoman/presidential candidate/Christian/beard has said she won't run for re-election next year.

The Daily Beast broke a fairly damning story Monday morning about Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann. The report reveals that federal investigators working on behalf of the Office of Congressional Ethics are investigating the congresswoman's campaign about potential intentional finance violations. According to former Bachmann staffers questioned by the investigators, the allegations include improper fund transfers and illegal payments made during Bachmann's failed 2012 presidential campaign. One such allegation is that Iowa state Senator Kent Sorenson, her Iowa campaign manager, received under the table payment for his support. Her lawyers, of course, are denying any wrongdoing, at least on Bachmann's part.

Everything that happens on Earth is the work of God. Hurricanes? God. Earthquakes? God. Michele Bachmann not coming anywhere remotely close to winning the GOP nomination for president? God. Bachmann not paying her campaign staffers because they refuse to sign nondisclosure agreements? I hate it to say it, but that's God's will, y'all. Win some, lose some (to God).

The clip above comes from How's Your News: Election 2012, the latest film from this traveling group of people with disabilities who report on various events. We posted about the movie last week, but this scene bears its own examination as it is a literal illustration of the way that people with disabilities are ignored in this country, especially by grandstanding politicians. It's particularly important for showing the resulting frustration: Jeremy Vest (who has Williams Syndrome) actually calls out to Bachmann, "What's your problem?"

Former pizza slinger and (allegedly) prolific sexual harasser Herman Cain spoke at an event in Tampa tonight. The New York Times described the event as an "an alternate unity rally in a church made up mostly of Tea Party supporters," which sounds both fascinating and horrific. Cain's speech to the "several hundred" - how far you've fallen, Herman – people in attendance was about what you'd expect. The highlights:

Former Michele Bachmann aide Barb Heki is suing the congresswomen and several of her aides over the alleged theft of a private email list. Heki says the list, which she used as part of her work on the Iowa home-school network, was stolen from her private computer by Bachmann's Iowa chairperson, Kent Sorenson.

Michele Bachmann recently issued some typically stupid statements accusing Huma Abedin, Chief of Staff to Hillary Clinton and wife to Anthony Weiner, of having ties to the (gasp) Muslim Brotherhood. McCain, who is apparently in one of those moods where he acts honorably instead of cravenly, defended Abedin, whom he described as a "friend" and a "fine and decent American."

Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann released a statement today saying she's formally requested of the Swiss consulate to have her Swiss citizenship withdrawn effective immediately.

Michele Bachmann running for office in Switzerland? It's not as far-fetched as it seems.

Former Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is pro-choice. Wait, no — that's not exactly true. She still supports a full ban on abortion, even in the case of rape or for the woman's health. But Bachmann used an odd choice of words when she appeared on Meet the Press.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart had his chance to address the results of the Iowa Caucuses. He paid special attention to the candidates' speeches, making sure to highlight Marcus Bachmann's doggie sunglasses shopping spree and Ron Paul's obscure reference to a couple of Austrian economists. Stewart also had some choice words for winner Mitt Romney and his public persona which he purchased along with his victory.