Poor Marcus Bachmann. The gleefully gay-seeming, possibly pushy, highly catty Christian therapist husband of Michele Bachmann suffered two humiliations this week: First, his wife called out his doggie sunglasses shopping spree on live TV. Then, the famously press-conscious fashion fiend ("All I want to know is what they're saying about me," he told New Yorker reporter Ryan Lizza) was forced to stand next to Michele in the critical final moments of her campaign with a giant cold sore on his mouth! Must have been the stress. Tasteful doggie eyewear is not easy to find in Des Moines.

Michele Bachmann, the magical flightless wish bird willed into existence by thousands of liberal bloggers, is no more. After a sixth-place finish in the Iowa caucuses, Bachmann announced on Wednesday that she would be suspending her campaign and returning to her homeland, Quadling Country in Oz.

I'm telling you, CSPAN is just some shit-hot television right now. Everything is incredible. Hell, I watched Ron Paul shake hands after a Des Moines rally last night for 30 minutes—in high-definition. It was great. It's the new MTV! And now what's this, Michele Bachmann jawing on the radio about guns and her favorite gun for a couple of minutes? Sure, tell us all about it.

I'm telling you, CSPAN is just some shit-hot television right now, in Iowa. Hell, I watched Ron Paul shake hands after a Des Moines rally last night for 30 minutes — in high-definition. It was great. It's the new MTV! And now what's this, Michele Bachmann jawing on the radio about guns and her favorite gun for a couple of minutes? Sure, tell us all about it.

It's hard to imagine that Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum were hoping to be days away from the Iowa caucuses and spending most of their time attacking Ron Paul, who just so happens to be crushing them all. But here they are, and boy howdy are they spitting hot fire at this crabby old doctor-paleolibertarian! Here are some highlights.

One of my favorite annual traditions is when Village Voice gossip legend Michael Musto dresses up like the year's newsmakers for the paper's year in review issue. This year he is giving us some Kim Kardashian realness!

Time for your daily dose of Giving Donald Trump Any Kind of Publicity! Today: The shrieking mudbuttface's precious little debate is in tatters. Michele Bachmann has turned him down, setting the final roster of participants at Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum. Or some combination of two.

NBC suits have restricted The Roots drummer Questlove's freedom to pick songs for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon after he selected "Lyin' Ass Bitch" to introduce Michele Bachmann. He must now "clear every song with three different NBC execs."

America's youngest LGBT rights supporters are really giving homophobic presidential candidate Michele Bachmann a tough time this week. In this video, eight-year-old Elijah approaches Bachmann while she tries to peddle her broken autobiography to naive South Carolinians and whispers in her ear, "Miss Bachmann, my mommy's gay but she doesn't need fixing."

In her new role as MSNBC's junior nepotism correspondent (reporting to senior nepotism correspondent Luke Russert) Meghan McCain interviewed Michele Bachmann. Among Meghan's hard-hitting questions: What were you like high school?

Things went down last night at the Pizza Ranch in Waverly, Iowa, at the town hall meeting Michele Bachmann held. One high school student dared to stand up for herself and challenge Bachmann's backward stance on gay marriage.

While listening to Aunt Eunice talk about her recent hip surgery and watching Little Cousin Jaydenlynne text furiously over her plateful of unwanted peas, you slowly chewed your turkey and thought about American's politicians and pundits, and how they are spending Thanksgiving. Am I right?

Did you hear Michele Bachmann at Tuesday's Republican debate saying that terrorists have made six different attempts on Pakistan's 15 nuclear sites? That's not information that's ever been made public! Which raises the question: did Bachmann just leak classified information to a national audience?

If you had any doubt that Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign is little more than a vanity effort designed to snag camera time and sell copies of her hastily written memoir, add this to the evidence locker: According to internal campaign documents, her own treasurer says she has no plans to field employees or volunteers in Florida, Texas, Michigan, or California, and the campaign hopes at best to raise just $30 million—a lot less than it generally takes to win a national primary.

As the house band for dancing spider monkey Jimmy Fallon, The Roots are sometimes forced to express themselves via the intro music that they choose to play when various celebrities walk out onto Fallon's stage.

Badly! Presidential candidate and congresswoman Michele Bachmann's new memoir Core of Conviction is out, and Mother Jones' Tim Murphy has read it, for some reason. Here are some of the wrong things Bachmann wrote in her book, about herself.

Well at least I haven't gaffed, says Michele Bachmann, the woman who confused the birthplace of John Wayne and John Wayne Gacy, the state where the first shot of the Revolution was fired with New Hampshire, Elvis' birthday with the day he died and vaccines with the cause of mental retardation - all in the past year.

Newt Gingrich is the latest in a host of Republican presidential candidates to savor the "frontrunner" status given by the media. But just as fast as they giveth, they taketh away, as Jon Stewart illustrated on tonight's Daily Show. A clip of the segment is above.

In an extensive interview with the Des Moines Register's editorial board, Michele Bachmann defended the practice of waterboarding. But would she herself ever get waterboarded, so that she could more knowledgeably speak about it? Don't be absurd.

This is Michele Bachmann's finest hour. I mean, for us, not for her. What do you think? My impression is that when you make a comically low-budget ad throwing together some clips of pretty much every other candidate being liberal-ish once or twice in their lives and sourcing your claims, however valid or not, with "www.wikipedia.com," you're likely in the twilight of your run.