Not only does Village Voice gossip Michael Musto mention barebacking twice in this week's column, but, the following pickup line actually worked on him last week: "You're lovely. I want you to ride me all night. Why are we still here?" (See? Didn't even have to use a neg!) Last we saw Mr. Musto—last night, leaving Lance Bass's book party at 8:53 p.m. (the party started at 8:00, Lance arrived at 8:20), he was in the company of a young hottie. Is our Musto the new gay mack daddy? The boy was saying "I have about 15 drink tickets left!" Young and thirsty, just the way we like 'em too!

The October issue of Out was their "After Dark Issue." It was strange then that the release party took place this Sunday at Lotus around 6 p.m., as the sun set over New Jersey. Though the issue is an argument for the continued vitality of nightlife, anchored by a piece by the Village Voice's Michael Musto and our own photographer Nikola Tamindzic, the party itself was basically flatlining. Michael Musto had "been here but had to go somewhere else but he'll be back" some Out staffer told us. Out editor Aaron Hicklin was nowhere to be found for most, and perhaps all, of the evening. There was nothing to do but pick up the issue, talk to some fag hags and a lesbian or two and then try to taxonomically categorize the gays. Danielle Ezzo was there for anthropometrical and photographical reasons.

Gossip maven Michael Musto has figured out what's wrong with New York City. It seems that no gay dudes like to get it in the rear any more. This week, he writes: "The weird news in gay land is that no one's a bottom anymore....Tragically enough, a whole generation of bottoms passed on some time ago, and then came a whole new generation that learned from day one that being a wide-end receiver is risky, so they've always been testy and squeamish about it." While it is true that Confessions of a Bareback Top has been notably quiet lately, a quick perusal of Craigslist and Manhunt suggests otherwise to this thesis. However! This week's Dan Savage indicates that getting popped in the butt is solely a heterosexual activity now. Typical. Straight people will co-opt anything. Even kinda embarrassing and maybe conceptually dubious gladiator-ey sex practices.

Rosie Perez Hosts the Launch of Michael Musto's New Book "La Dolce Musto" At Room Service [FilmMagic]

Last night, treading dangerously close to territory we swore never to revisit, Team Party Crash invaded Room Service to pay respects to one Michael Musto. His Village Voice column, "La Dolce Musto," has been Carrie-Bradshawed into a book of the same name, and all manner of gleeful vermin emerged to celebrate. Immersed in a sea of gays, trannies, and highly plasticized women, our editorial assistant Heather and shutterfly Kate endured a two-hour photo op hosted by Perez Hilton and Rosie Perez. Attempts to assuage Musto's Gawker dread were inconclusive. Join H&K in attempting to calculate the combined plastic surgery bill of Amanda Lepore, Joan Rivers, and Ivana Trump. Alternatively, you can try to count Mickey Boardman's sequins, experience the retina-searing horror of Bridget Everett's bare pooper, or check out a little man-love action between Perez Hilton and Gatecrasher's Ben Widdicombe. Proceed at your own risk to the gallery, or engulf Kate's engorged version. A few NSFW traps scattered here and there, so consider yourself warned.

From a marketing sheet for Village Voice gossipist Michael Musto's new book. Nothing but love for the Musto, but "original voice of snark"? Chronology aside, who would even want that title? Reminds us of when Camille Paglia revealed that she invented blogs. And if you're pegging your book push to name-checking Gawker, you may already be in trouble. Ourselves cheerfully excepted of course!

• By pursuing a libel case agains the National Enquirer in UK courts, Britney Spears wins over the tab's claim that she and Kevin Federline are splitting. The British and Irish editions will print a rare apology, which is all fine and good — but why the hell hasn't she sued Bazaar over that frightening cover shoot? [R&M (last item)]
• Aspiring pop singer and experienced Lolita Diana Bianchi can't carry a tune. God thing she still has a future serving as some sort of twat. [Lowdown]
• Justin Timberlake tries to convince the world he's not a pussy by proclaiming that he's "done way too many drugs." [Spin]
• Film critic Joel Siegel walks out of a screening of Clerks II, deeming it smut. The scene that set him off involved a discussion of a woman performing sexual acts on a donkey, which obviously brings up a lot of painful memories for Siegel. [Page Six]
• E! censors Voice gossip Michael Musto when he appears on The Simple Life to interview Paris Hilton. The offending phrase: "Are you a fag hag?" Apparently network execs didn't want anyone to even raise the issue of Hilton's hagginess. [Page Six]
• John Cusack scores a restraining order against his stalker who, we'll have you know, does not appear to have used the Stalker Map to harm Lloyd Dobler. [Reuters]

• For the remaining handful of you who still fail to comprehend why Fashion Week is the work of Satan himself, consider this: child runway models. You can go and say it's not JonBenet Ramsey, but we're not buying it. Does that little girl's face not tell of her suffering?! [Reuters]
• The Department of Child and Family Services is investigating Britney Spears after she was seen driving with her infant child in her lap. If they take the baby, maybe they can take K-Fed, too. [TMZ]
• Every once in awhile, Village Voice gossip Michael Musto gets off of his bike and shits out a million blind items, all at once. We can't even fathom how to arrange them into a guessing game, so just go on over and knock yourselves out. [VV]
• Aileen Gallagher at FishbowlNY talks to Warren St. John about the JT Leroy hoax; we imagine that after the interview, she took him to her boudoir and made sweet, syrupy love to him and his muscle tee. Well done, girlfriend. [FishbowlNY]
• A strip club indicted for tax evasion? You don't say. [NYP]
• Imagining a day in the life of reformed meth addict Jodi Sweetin, pre-rehab. [The Road More Traveled]
• Michael Kors is Mugatu. [Logged Hours]
• And last — but certainly not least — we proudly share with you some "love and sex advice" from Star Jones Reynolds. If you're brave, you'll crank up the volume for this one. [AOL]

Among our many problems in life, two of the biggest are these: We are not very good interviewers, and we are not very good gays. Tonight, it seems, we shall have a chance to work on both problems — and, even better, with drinks!

• Chelsea's tony London Terrace towers bans "making out" in the residence's pool or health club facilities. Apparently, this also means no sex with homeless men in the locker room. Absurd: It's as if management doesn't even know what neighborhood they're in! [NYDN]6;
• If the devil isn't wearing Prada, she opts for Bill Blass. [WWD]
• Dangerous street gangs shoplift diabetes test strips! [NYT]
• Is the NYC Marathon just one big excuse to piss in public? [Daily Slope]
• Voice gossipette Michael Musto lays down the law: "I swear on my obsolete Uggs that dumb blonds are, like, officially over. It's just not cute anymore to watch people who, thanks to raging insecurity issues, insist on being both stick-thin (because they want to look "good") and camera-hoggingly self-humiliating." But that's not really fair, we think. To be humiliated requires a degree of self-awareness — which is simply not the case with these girls. [VV]
• Mapping Billy Bob Thorton's NYC hookup route. [HotelChatter]
• It's the Webby Awards list of the Top 10 most influential internerd moments; having nailed the number two spot, rest assured Drudge will spend most of his night engaging in celebratory masturbation. [AFP/Yahoo]

• In more PETA news, the organization has kidnapped Anna Nicole Smith's dogs and forced them to protest Iams pet food. Anna Nicole, however, thinks Iams tastes great. [AP/Yahoo]
• Details has a major scoop: Colin Farrell drinks beer! And next month, Details water as being really wet. [Hollywood Machine]
• Best name for a college sex column: Cornellingus. [The Atlantic (subscription req'd)]
• Men don't read. They also can't listen, don't understand you, and never take you anywhere nice. [BusinessWeek]
• Voice gossipette Michael Musto cannot be blamed for Gawker's sins. [NY Blade]
• Has anyone yet figured out why Manhattan smells like pancakes? Is it terror sugar? [AP/ABC]
• Project Runway reject Austin Scarlett thinks blackface is always in style. [PMc]
• Shame on Daily News staffer Bill Hutchinson for failing to note that jailed rapper Lil' Kim's lyrics channel the genius of Biggie Smalls. [NYDN]
• Depeche Mode tickets can be yours for just a little breast grope. Okay, not really a little grope — it's got to be at least 10 minutes' worth of heavy petting. [Craigslist]

The Gays over at Queerty have an amusing interview with the Village Voice's resident bicycle mechanic and gossip slut Michael Musto:

• From our favorite Christian soldier, per an item yesterday: "I don't care if your researchers found out that Judith Miller and I have the same Webmaster. I am NOT Judith Miller, and I demand a retraction. Yours sincerely - Dawn Eden."
• But what if Dawn Eden is a Starlight Mints fan like our little Judy? [Lindsayism]
• You've always longed for a HitchensWatch, you just didn't know it till now. [Hitchenswatch]
• An easy guide to understanding the ASME's best mag covers. [Low Culture]
• Michael Musto ends his latest Village Voice column on a perplexing note. Although we'd not be surprised if he actually were going through menopause. [VV]
• Times Square denizens the Naked Cowboy and Naked Cowgirl join forces for the (presumably) naked interview. [Yes But No But Yes]

The responses of the elite commenters on the Blind Items post and most of the emailers indicate a general consensus that Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu were lesbianically canoodling whilst Stella McCartney lapped up coke. Those bored with Paul McCartney's new album picked Elizabeth/Jade Jagger, Kimberly Stewart, and Leah Wood.

Warning: Reading Village Voice gossipfly Michael Musto's latest column may cause blind item seizures. As he is wont to do, Musto decides to unload nine whodunnits in a single column, leaving us feeling as bewildered as a wet kitten. Most of them are insanely obscure, but we thought we'd throw this sampling out for consumption, confident that you are, of course, much more intelligent than we could ever be:

Michael Musto's column in today's Village Voice is an exercise in delicate karmic balance, managing to both praise celebrities (if not in a backhanded manner) for their foibles, as well as deride others for their offenses. Naturally, we find the latter much more relevant:

· Michael Musto wants Patricia Field's tight, tight jeans, if she throws in the KY jelly. [Musto]
· Steve Martin, displaying a blithe disregard for magazine hierarchy, is dating the New Yorker's deputy head of fact-checking. [Page Six]
· A blow to New York's self-image: Sex and the City's executive producer lives in West Hollywood. [Page Six]
· Richard Parsons spotted at the Warnet Music party at the Hudson. At least he, unlike Howard Stringer, gets invited to the cool office parties.

Musto handicaps the Oscars. Nothing new here: The Hours and Chicago come out on top. Musto repeatedly uses the word "twat." Yawn.
La Dolce Musto [Village Voice]

Michael Musto, experimenting with Ashtanga yoga these days, reports that Eminem tried out for a part in Larry Clark's upcoming film Ken Park but was rejected because he was "too old and buff for it." [More on Em later.] Musto also reports that opening night at The Slide consisted of Jennifer Aniston's Golden Globe dress sketches coming to life on men and "an open bar that brought out every last lush on earth. It was so crowded you couldn't see the forest for the Sky Room."
La Dolce Musto [Village Voice]

From a reader, noticing that we seem to have misplaced our Musto-English dictionary: "barfy? no, not a word. But used by Michael Cunningham earlier in Musto's column (see below). a frequent Musto device - repeating silly words & phrases used by his subjects." Ah.