Now that sexual assault suspect Peter Braunstein is in custody, the real fun begins: reflecting on the past two months' search and angrily pointing fingers at every misstep along the way. Hurrah!
Bad news for Queens commuters: The Transit Workers Union strike has officially shut down the Jamaica and Triboro bus line, leaving thousands of little old Greek and Italian ladies with no choice but to totter in the cold. If the Union and the MTA fail to reach an agreement by midnight tonight, Union president Roger Toussaint says city transportation will face a "complete shutdown."
When actual details are still scarce, make like the Post and turn to alliteration:
The details are scarce, but at least it's official: Tennessee authorities have arrested former Women's Wear Daily reporter and sexual assault suspect Peter Braunstein. About fucking time.
Friday:
• German DJ/producer team M.A.N.D.Y. performs at Tonic tonight, bringing "hands-in-the-air anthems" to a grateful, never-could-dance-anyway audience. Spaz out with the masses from 10-4. [flavorpill]
• Before digital octet The Earlies were old enough to run away and get hitched, they used to write songs in a penpal fashion, mailing tapes back and forth from Texas to England. In a fairytale ending, they're finally together, so get a taste of the magic tonight at the Mercury Lounge. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
• Just when you thought fake holiday names inspired by The OC couldn't get any worse, we offer you "blogmukkah." Somewhere, Josh Schwartz and baby Jesus are crying. [Upcoming]
• Warsaw's reincarnation as a holiday craft fair couldn't be better: yarn, popsicle sticks, plus DJs and a few dancers to take the edge off. The market opens at noon, and the first thousand shoppers get a free gift. We hope it's booze. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• E.O. Wilson, Harvard scientist and Pulitzer-Prize winner, lectures tonight at the Kaye Playhouse. As Mr. Wilson is one of the foremost Darwinists of our time, it's unlikely that God, holidays, or "mukkah" will come up in any context. Survival of the fittest, you know. [Upcoming]
Sightings are sent in by readers with restraining orders; send yours to tips@gawker.com.
Taken at around 5 this morning, a picture of the valiant news media waiting for a resolution to the MTA negotiations:
It's exactly 15 days until New Year's Eve, and we're guessing you couldn't care less. We certainly couldn't. Like St. Patrick's Day, the 31st is a giant amateur hour, an excuse for wannabe-alcoholics to waste hundreds of dollars on an overcrowded, open bar, and don sparkly shirts that no God could ever have intended for them to wear. And after the ball drops and your night has officially reached its expected level of letdown, you can spend 75 minutes searching for a cab, only to finally hail a ride in a mobile vomit unit. Fun!
The good news: The subways are running.
• We know that it's not the art department's job to know much about politics, but someone should really help the poor fucks at Esquire brush up on the differences between Senator Joe McCarthy and Senator Gene McCarthy. [Off-Topic]
• Former Women's Wear Daily reporter and sexual assault suspect Peter Braunstein was spotted in Memphis two weeks ago. This is all we get after six years of no news on the matter? [Jossip]
• Bloomberg's Transit Strike Contingency Plan: "Commuters encountering MTA workers are asked to throw ROCKS, STONES and PEBBLES." [Cracked]
• You know why we mock hipsters? Because they're probably the ones buying stirrup pants from Urban Outfitters. [JJB]
• We also mock hipsters because they search for personal assistants who are familiar with MisShapes and wear "drainpipe/skinny jeans." This is why they invented suicide watches. [Craigslist]
• Britney Spears tops the Yahoo! Buzz Index as the most searched for term on the internet. Never underestimate the public interest in acne and trailer trash. [Reuters]
• Opening tonight, JD's Lesbian Utopia features photographs and A/V installations documenting her "ten-day journey through GLBT campgrounds with photographer Cass Bird." Oh the puns, they almost write themselves. [flavorpill]
• Taking the stage tonight at the UCB theater is "Showgirls: The Best Movie Ever Made. Ever," featuring actors posing as the film's writer and cast, engaging in a mock discussion. We suspect it'll be at least half as entertaining as the film itself. [UCB]
• Tinselfrenzy promises free candy and mistletoe along with the five bands scheduled to perform at Rothko tonight. You know you've been hankering for a scream-o cover of "Oh Holy Night." [Upcoming]
The clock is nearing noon, meaning that there's just 12 hours left for the MTA and the Transport Workers Union to come to an agreement and prevent a big nasty strike that would shut down most of the city's public transportation and effectively fuck up your workday commute. Local businesses are prepared, however — according to reports, "One advertising agency provided its workers with vouchers to buy new sneakers."
• Taking a breather from Anna Wintour, PETA lists Paris Hilton as their worst-dressed celebrity. Other honorees include Kimberly Stewart and Tara Reid, because being a skank hurts the fuzzy animals. [Scoop]
• Ashley Olsen is late to Karl Lagerfeld's show at the Chanel store, then fails to recognize the designer when he waves to her. Such unacceptable behavior, you'd think Olsen were raised as a civilian or some such. [Page Six]
• The cab-stealing continues: Bill Maher swipes a taxi from a man with a BABY in a SNOWSTORM. Next up, stealing cabs from paraplegics with broken breathing tubes. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Don't you hate it when your cock is so huge that it has to be digitally erased? Oh, you don't have that problem? Scoff. [Page Six]
• Nancy Grace of CNN is suing her stalker for damages. Just so long as she keeps paying attention to him! [R&M]
• Two dudes posted a request for "Hot Sketch Comedy" on every Craigslist in the country, and a year later, the resultant show, aptly titled "Found on Craigslist," takes stage at Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. And if it's found on Craigslist, you know what that means: herpes for everyone! [Upcoming]
• Our basic understanding of Haino Keiji is that he randomly bangs on some guitars and calls it music. The catch is, he rarely does so here in the US — so hop on his innovation train tonight at the Stone. [flavorpill]
• Just when you thought they'd gone and taken their Saran-Wrap with them, Christo and Jeanne-Claude, the duo responsible for the Gates, peddle their new book on the project tonight at the Strand. Count how many times they say "saffron" from 6:30-8. [Strand]
...by getting wasted at Marquee, groping young Texans, and getting slapped. You know, the usual.
To be clear: We have nothing inherently against huge, soulless, multinational corporations. So it's not that we hate Starbucks simply because it's taking over the world; it's that we hate Starbucks because it serves bitter, too-hot, ridiculously overpriced coffee. And we also hate them for this, snapped by wandering shutterbug Bucky Turco:
Last year, if you'll recall, a Rockland County rabbi was going around giving orthodox Jewish babies herpes via a certain kind of circumcision practice that involves the mohel sucking blood from the newly snipped penis with his mouth. That dude's not doing it anymore, but, well, now there's more, according to today's News:
• The Bad Santa display on East 18th Street is exactly why Christmas in New York is so fantastic and special. Now give us a bucket of Rudolph's blood! [FishbowlNY]
• It's a female face's worst nightmare, and a lonely vagina's dream come true: the mustache is making a comeback. [NYSun]
• CBS is in the midst of casting a reality-show pilot based around the Upper West Side's York Prep school. Think Laguna Beach, but too close for comfort. [NYM]
• A gay man is arrested for punching a cop. In a pot-kettle twist, the officer's name was Fagley. [Good as You]
• Having a substitute teacher was always a free day, but it's a definite party when the sub starts cutting rails. [USAT]
• Britney Spears fans, having a bit too much time on their hands, launch DivorceKevin.com. Next, her fans will teach the popster how to use the internet. [AdRants]
• LEOTARD! FANTASTIC! The Barbie! [Social Cavity]
• Against all odds, Queens rockers Diamond Nights manage to operate on a level that unites both 80's hair bands and hipsters. It's not often that the worlds of guilty pleasures and coolness collide, but we'll be at the Bowery Ballroom tonight, air-guitar in tow, when they do. [flavorpill]
• Speaking of debilitatingly dorky interests being glorified by the season: video games! In public! F NDE RAZOR takes over Barcade tonight, offering booze, games, and a chance to win an Xbox 360, all for a good cause—100% of proceeds benefit The Children's Hospital of Montefiore in the Bronx. [Joel Johnson]
• Feel like you should discuss your masturbation habit rather than continue down the path of gratification? Jonathan Ames hosts The Moth reading of "Can't Help It: Stories About Compulsions" tonight at The Players. Doors open at 7; self-love begins promptly at 8. [Upcoming]
