· Jann Wenner wants his employees' expense accounts as spotless as their desks. [NYM]

Das Jackboot: German Heavy Metal Conquers Europe [NYT]

According to a report in this Sunday's Daily News:

Today's New York magazine features yet another David Amsden piece about hanging out with high-school kids under the guise of "journalism." His legwork results in the discovery that—get this—allowances are really important to Manhattan teens, and rich Manhattan teens work on quite a big budget. But is it just us, or is David Amsden spending an unusual amount of time with teenagers? To wit:
The Teenage Economy [NYM]
New York Teens And The Prescription Pill Culture [NYM]
Prom Story [Slate]

Alright, we give up. Will someone please tell us what the hell is up with 'Page Six' and these damn ringneck doves?
Lonesome Dove [NYP, Jan. 9, 2005]
Long-Term Dove [NYP, Jan. 6, 2005]
We Hear... We Hear [NYP, Dec. 30, 2004]

Truth be told, Gawker HQ is a complete mess right now. Ever since Friday night, when we learned that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were separated, we've been stumbling around in a lithium-fueled haze. Empty cartons of Ben & Jerry's are everywhere. We're only wearing elastic waistbands. Things are not good. How are we expected to go on? Is nothing sacred? And why, God, why did you take our genetically perfect couple away from us? Was their combined prettiness too much? Was it for intellectual reasons, like politics? Or was it something more sinister? A reader writes in:

CBS Ousts 4 For Bush Guard Story [CBS News; meta, ain't it?]
Time, Feb. 25, 1980 [Time]

In this week's cheatsheet to sounding like you know all the hott books, Intern Alexis gets all randy over Abraham Lincoln and the Asian version of Jonathan Safran Foer. Oh, and she reveals this week's essayist, William Deresiewicz, is also a Yale professor casually known amongst his students as Cockmaster D. This and other forms of enlightenment after the jump.

Last week was a crazy week for Condé Nast.

Star magazine removes their previous sic-tastic graphics in favor of a new story:

Dear Tina,

We bid farewell to Rosemary Kennedy, the sister of JFK, RFK, and Teddy Kennedy, and recipient of one of the most insensitive AP obituary headlines in recent memory:

In Sunday's Times 'Metro Section,' Charles V. Bagli reports on the battle between residents of 1 Sutton Place and the city over the building's private garden that happens to be located atop the FDR Drive.

We've already pointed out the hell that is early deadlines, so we're not gonna make fun of Star for running Brad & Jen Back On: IT'S BABY TIME! the week those two carbon-based corporations dissolved their Limited Liability Partnership.

After a week watching new Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson flail behind his desk proves a predictably unpleasant experience, Slate's Dana Stevens does the only rational thing: pledging to watch tonight's show while really, really high:

Benoit Denizet-Lewis is our kinda guy. Not only is the 29 year-old New York Times Magazine contributing writer willing to talk to us, but he's the only writer for that magazine we can imagine writing:

In more celebrity sponsorship news, McDonald's launches its Black History Month ad-stravaganza a whole month early with its 365Black campaign. Tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams lend their support, and we have a pretty good idea what they're trying to tell us:

· How much would you pay to read The New York Times on the Web? [Reuters]

We must've missed the memo, but apparently Joel McHale is 2005's go-to guy for deadpan nastiness in commercials.

How can you tell your TV critic holds a Ph.D in English from Harvard? She more or less tells you: