Last month, news broke of a rumored affair between Michael Wolff and a younger employee. A week later, rumors came out about CNN's Jeff Toobin having an affair. Now, all is quiet. Technique is everything:

• Further evidence CNN's Jon Klein should start polishing his resume: The network continues to trail Fox News, MSNBC, and Headline News. [Portfolio]
• Obama's performance on The Tonight Show will keep people talking for awhile (and not in a good way, clearly), but the ratings were huge. [Time, THR]
• The April issue of Portfolio is the slimmest in Condé Nast's history. [NYP]
• Charla Lawhon is stepping down as managing editor of In Style. [WWD]
• Your prayers have been answered: VH1 is reviving Behind the Music. [NYP]
• Bob Pittman says the ad industry should get a bailout, too. [Fortune]
• Fox News's Greta Van Susteren is denying her husband is a paid adviser to Sarah Palin, but she admits that he gives her advice and "helps" her. [HP]
• SpiralFrog, the glitzy music site that launched in 2006, has gone bust. [PC]
• Broadway dimmed the lights last night in honor of Natasha Richardson. [THR]

The worse the economy gets, the more we hear about media companies that aren't paying their bills on time. Are you getting screwed? Help us help you! Like so:

The New York Times has issued a formal set of standards for their in-house blogs, marking the first time blogs have ever had standards (No "snark"). The latest in a rich history of technomazing ideas!

Last night, as her husband sat in jail and reporters and photographers continued their stakeout of her home, Ruth Madoff was like, hey, I need some cheese! She went to the grocery store. Just spontaneously.

Appalachian State University's student paper The Appalachian has just kicked off its long-awaited four-part series on pornography, and it promises to be children's treasury of hilarity that we will follow closely. Today: Cum shot controversy.

Much has been made in recent weeks about TMZ's decision to focus its attention on the financial crisis and corporate misbehavior. When the site revealed that the bank Northern Trust had hosted a golf tournament and a series of splashy parties even after receiving $1.6 billion in taxpayer money, editor Harvey Levin told the Times it was "the most important thing" TMZ had ever done, and one of the site's photographers said that while "Britney is fluff," stories about "Northern Trust, Madoff, and politicians in D.C. really have an impact on the country." It's nice to see TMZ's dedication to hard-hitting investigative journalism continues. Today a TMZ cameraman ambushed Chris Cuomo and Sam Champion outside a juice store near the offices of ABC News did his best to get Champion to utter the world "fruit" on camera. Now they just need to start gay-baiting the sons of disgraced Wall Street execs and they'll get the mix down perfectly. The video of the Cuomo/Champion encounter is after the jump.

In your servile Thursday media column: the scoop on Steve Bartelstein, the Singapore Judiciary blows, Eric Holder's willing to help newspapers die slower, which is good, because nobody wants to pay much for one:

Maxim is covering the financial crisis the only way they know how: The new issue of the mag features a piece on the hottest business reporters on CNBC and Fox Business. ("Foxy financial reporters are fixing the recession in our laps," the story starts.) It's no surprise that they're taking that approach, of course, but to assign Maria Bartiromo a hotness level on par with Lou Dobbs? Ouch! Clearly the makeup department at CNBC has been pretty busy today touching up Maria's tear-stained cheeks. The charticle is below.

• Former president George W. Bush has signed a deal with Crown to publish a memoir. Rumor has it he landed a $7 million advance for the book. [AP, NYP]
• For his part, Barack Obama has two books in the works with Crown. He plans to release an abridged, youth-oriented version of Dreams From My Father as well as write a nonfiction book once he leaves office. [CBS News]
• CNBC's keeping it classy. Larry Kudlow set a dollar bill on fire today. [CJR]
• Jim Cramer is still rattling on about Jon Stewart. [Gawker]
• NBC is planning to launch a "singing competition series" that sounds a lot like—yes, you guessed it—Fox's American Idol. [THR]
• CBS is keeping Two and a Half Men on the air through 2012. [NYT]
• The finalists for the Man Booker International Prize include E. L. Doctorow, V. S. Naipaul, Joyce Carol Oates, Mario Vargas Llosa and Alice Munro. [NYT]
• The noms for the National Magazine Awards are out. [AdAge]
• The cable channel Starz would like to remind you that it exists. [NYT]
• How screwed is the newspaper biz? Here's a pic that sums it up nicely. [BI]

If there's one thing we know, it's that readers could not possibly, under any circumstances, care less about any "award" a media outlet receives. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 National Magazine Awards nominees are here:

Oh no, "Skanks in NYC," the city's top craptastic Blogspot blog about the alleged skankiness of cover model Liskula Cohen, has been pulled from the internet in the wake of Cohen's ridonkulous lawsuit. Never forget:

Time Inc. is planning to start charging for *some* online content at magazines like Time and Sports Illustrated this year—inevitable, but also quite possibly doomed to failure! For this reason:

OK! magazine's UK edition caught some flack from sticklers this week who objected to its "In Loving Memory" issue for someone who is, technically, alive. But no worries, her family is "OK!" with it, ha:

Rodale, publisher of Men's Health, Prevention, Running magazine, and other clean living rags, doesn't allow its employees to smoke anywhere on its property. So instead they all go smoke in the park across the street.

Whatttttttt...a private equity firm has voluntarily purchased a newspaper—presumably in exchange for money! The San Diego Union-Tribune is now owned by a firm that vows to make it "thrive" once more. Sounds fun!

In your outrageously newsy Wednesday media column: a PR conspiracy theory for Us Weekly, updates on Conde Nast layoffs and Interview cheapskate-ness, Steve Bartelstein vanishes, and trade mags start wheezing:

60 Minutes creator Don Hewitt is hospitalized with pancreatic cancer. Liz Smith reports. [Update/ Clarification]

• NBC chief Jeff Zucker says that despite the fact Jim Cramer got his ass handed to him last week by Jon Stewart, it's had absolutely no impact on CNBC. Believe that and you may also be willing to buy that everything's perfect at MSNBC and NBC, and Zucker has a perfect head of hair, too. [Portfolio, B&C]
• Crain Communications has cut 150 staffers and sliced salaries by 10%. [PC]
• Don Hewitt, the creator of 60 Minutes, is in the hospital with cancer. [Wow]
• Media advertising fell 2.6% in 2008, according to Nielsen. [B&C]
• Interview seems to be having financial difficulties. [Gawker]
• Discovery has filed a patent suit against Amazon over the Kindle. [WSJ]
• The Hills's Audrina Patridge has a reality show of her own in the works. [THR]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs is a racist. But you probably knew that already. [Gawker]

Bill O'Reilly foolishly recorded an audio version of his crappy old novel, and now his sexiest quotes are all over the internet. "Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds."