In your finally Friday media column: Army profiles of journalists are a huge waste of money, a special journalists asks for a special job, the New Yorker hires someone expressly to make you jealous, and newspapers lose billions again.

In your recovering Thursday media column: layoffs at the AP, a truly awesome correction, another restaurant critic gets canned, the SPJ conference is good for alkies, and Incisive Media has contest that is fun and tasty!

In your tanned Wednesday media column: Maer Roshan is up to something in LA, Portfolio('s picture) gets a new life, the NYT mag has a new, pretentious slogan, and booty skills translate between magazines.

In your motivated Tuesday media column: Free weed with magazine subscriptions, Incisive Media gets all 'Up With People' and shit, Jason Horowitz gets a new job, and Roger Ebert picks up a chip.

In your unnerving Monday Media column: The paper of record cannot stop talking about Skye Parrott (??), the Tribune Co. sells a losing team, JPMorgan takes over publishing by accident, and the great political talk show ad debate. No worries!

In your sweat-drenched Friday media column: Newser's traffic plunches, Rupert Murdoch's paycheck plunges, the likelihood of Sam Zell staying at the Tribune Co. plunges, and The Progressive's bank account plunges.

In your desperate Thursday media column: America's toddler journalist has a lesson for Wolf Blitzer, college football wants to muzzle bloggers, newspapers burn, and ESPN magazine is mad cheap!

In your sweaty Wednesday media column: Bruce Wasserstein winning a dubious race, sports columnists are being eaten by Twitter, a Hunter S. Thompson story, and more!

In your dehydrated Tuesday media column: Sam Zell may be looking for a new business, a discrimination suit against the WSJ, Sharon Waxman has no idea who anyone is, and more!

In your sweltering Monday media column: Reader's Digest is going bankrupt, Ted Nugent loses his journalism gig because he is too hardcore, Dan Rather's madness debated, and Mediaite traffic numbers.

In your thrombosis-like Thursday media column: Paul Krugman buys a home, NYT photogs are harassed by crazies, Garrett Graff gets a new job, and men's mag editors speak on abs, and gayness.

In your green shoots-filled Wednesday media column: Vibe's coming back, a "magazine" holds a "launch party," Brian Tierney is unwanted, and Fox Business is unwatched.

In your motivational Tuesday media column: CNN sensibly bans Lou Dobbs types, Tina Brown spans the Atlantic, America's stupidest magazines flourish, and Times Square is getting .03% less irritating.

In your sweltering Monday media column: Don Imus may be back in the big(ish) time, one reporter gets arrested in pursuit of Deion Sanders, another reporter narrowly escapes beheading by the Taliban, and you kill photojournalism.

In your good old-fashioned Friday media column: A legal tiff over SEXTING (are your kids doing it?), the looming end of magazine subscription cards, Dana Milbank needs help, and thieving Oprah is sued, for $1 trillion. Yes.

Oh shit. Dylan Ratigan aired an embarrassing clip of Jonathan Capehart scarfing a bagel. So this morning Capehart's mom called in and chewed Ratigan out for mocking her son. She is cool, but somehow we think this isn't making Jon look cooler. [Jon Capehart is actually cool!]

In your leaky Wednesday media column: A DC editor accidentally forwards an email convo with a reporter about Blackwater, which we reproduce for you in full; layoffs come to Newhouse; the WSJ ends embargoes; and Jack Shafer abhors The Butt.

In your sizzling Tuesday media column: the future of the media is paid, Newsweek fights the power in Iran, another mag mogul kicks BusinessWeek's tires (made of paper), and Dan Rather's madder'n a lake trout with fiery testicles, at CBS.

In your sweltering Friday media column: the summer doldrums bring lazy story-theft to the New York Times, Conde Nast quits buying newspapers, a new documentary about reporters , to watch, and Pat Kiernan's Twitter is America's most powerful media outlet.

In your whopping Thursday media column: South Africa's president wins a libel case, Creative Loafing's tenuous existence, RBI's selling everything, and the latest problem with saving the New York Times.