So the other day, Alaska Senator Sarah Palin staged her traditional "pardoning a turkey" photo-op standing directly in front of a man engaged in slaughtering turkeys, because, hey, a team of mavericks won't always agree on where to hold the easiest photo-op of any politician's career. Maybe she can stage the ribbon-cutting of an orphanage at an abortion clinic next time? (Haha as if Alaska had any of those.) Then, because life isn't bizarre enough these days, shouty MSNBC political pundit Keith Olbermann discussed the issue with daytime TV's soft-spoken criminal mastermind Martha Stewart. Martha was not happy. "That was an especially gruesome scene back there," she says. Why is Keith Olbermann in Martha Stewart's cozy stage kitchen wearing a comfortable black sweater, maybe pretending to cook something? We don't know! Though Inside Edition, America's Best Peabody-Award-Winning(?) Syndicated News-Resembling Program, tracked down the guy who actually slaughtered the turkeys, back there behind Sarah Palin, for a heartwarming Thanksgiving tale of redemption and Man's Dominion of the Earth.

Microsoft billionaire Charles Simonyi sure likes to live large. He's a space tourist! He dates Martha Stewart! No wait, 60-year-old Simonyi is now marrying 28-year-old Swedish socialite Lisa Persdotter! Let me guess: You don't want a photo of him. You want a photo of her. Here you go...

· She may not have the palpable sexual chemistry with Stephen Colbert that she enjoys with Jay Leno or Snoop Dogg, but we could still really kick back all day to watch these two make gilded mistletoe orbs or whatever the hell it is they're up to. · Awwww...look at the little Shiba Ee-dudes frolicking around in there. Enjoy them now before they get bigger and are sent off to loving homes. · Getty stock photos + Sasha Fierce song titles = seconds of fun. · Car crash rocks the set of 30 Rock! Don't worry—everyone's OK. · Bid now on Jenna Jameson's couch! Yikes—off-white silk. Fairly stain-unforgiving choice for a porn star. · God bless Pax Jolie-Pitt: He still hoards his food in case his parents should change their mind and return him. Smart kid.

Further evidence that hip hop is dead: Snoop Dogg's appearance on Martha Stewart's show yesterday during which the rapper showed off that timeless Thanksgiving favorite, cognac-laced mashed potatoes. Click on the video to watch as the self-described "homegirl from New Jersey" picks up a few new vocab words from the former resident of Compton.

We're not going to spill any digital ink describing Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg as unlikely compadres. After all, if you can't see how these two herb-aficionado ex-cons fit snuggly into the same gangsta pod—both enjoying nothing more than kicking back after a long day of baking and wreath-construction with a blunt the size of a corncob and getting fucked up for real in this bitch—then you probably don't deserve to be here. On today's Martha, Snoop popped by. Martha introduced him by reading aloud her many correspondences from the hip-hop titan:· "Hello Martha. It's Snoop Dogg. What did you do? Hit me back when you get a moment. Stay sweet." · "Hey, M.S. It's Snoop Dogg says hi and seein' how you doing. Hollah back. Boo." · "I would love to hang out with you whenever time permits. I dig your style, M.S. For real, for real. So hit me back when you are free for me. Be sweet and stay [blank blank]. Yours truly, Snoop Dogg." They then moved on to that time-tested gangsta dick-measuring contest known as comparing posses—his is more physically intimidating, but hers are far better at frothing egg whites—before diving into the potato-mashing task at hand. HuffPo has the video.

· Yes, that's essentially what happened last night—and if only that were the grossest moment. Enjoy! [Thanks to BestWeekEver.tv for the montage.] · Here's the trailer for Disney's Race to Witch Mountain starring Dwayne Johnson. For contrast, here's the original, before Tia and Tony sold their product placement souls with all that Vegas stuff and MacBook levitations. · Because it's just been that kind of day for Jennifer Aniston to get some festering stuff out into the open, she'd also like the world to know that she bears John Mayer no ill-will whatsoever for his rambling breakup monologue outside a NYC gym. · Mickey Rourke issued an apology over his comment to a paparazzo, "Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Said Rourke, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone. What I should have said is, 'Tell that faggot who wrote all those falsehoods in the paper I'd like to break his misleading legs.' There. That's much better." · Lance Bass is having a hard time getting rid of his giant Beverly Hills home, with a gym large enough for a dozen well-muscled circuit studs to really stretch out their quads and gluts. Knock a couple more inches off it, Lance. You'll unload it eventually.

It's a Zen-worthy philosophical riddle: If all the boldfaced names who turn up to a store opening deny that they themselves would dream of wearing the clothes, does that neutralize the PR value of their presence? At the launch of Juicy Couture's Fifth Avenue flagship last night, the guest list was a publicist's wet dream—or would have been—if The Transom hadn't asked people what they thought of the label.

With the election madness, we almost missed Arnold Diaz's interrogation of Martha Stewart outside her office earlier this week! It seems some sort of Martha-branded glass table at Kmart spontaneously explodes "for no apparent reason," which is reason enough for the dogged Fox5 reporter to pop out of nowhere and pester her with questions before inducting her into his "Hall of Shame." Just so you know, though, Martha says she is not to blame for small kids getting sliced by shards of glass. Blame the Chinese. "We just designed the tables. Kmart manufactured them in China." Click through for the video.

MSNBC's lovable Rachel Maddow is a "hobbyist bartender," as she explained to Martha Stewart, who eyed the cocktail Maddow prepared for her a little too eagerly. (We'll be reporting the election returns live from dive bar Milano's later this evening.)

Martha Stewart threw a Halloween party at her home in Bedford this past weekend. Of course, she didn't just buy some candy and throw on the same costume from last year: The soirée inside her horse stable featured pumpkin soup prepared by her personal chef, Pierre, served inside hollowed-out pumpkins. Between the soup and the fact that the perimeter of her estate appears to be ringed with them, it's probably safe to say she's cornered the pumpkin market in Westchester County. [The Martha Blog]

Martha Stewart, a lady who made billions of dollars talking about stuff for your house and dinner parties and things like that and also went to jail once, is already feuding with her company's new co-CEO, Wendy Harris Millard. Recall that, just this past summer, Stewart's company pushed out Susan Lyne, the former CEO. Now even Millard (Lyne's replacement) herself acknowledges there's been "healthy debate," which means the shit must have been too bad to even try to deny. The "differences" are attributed to different "personalities." For example, Martha Stewart's personality is that of a tyrant. [NYP via Cityfile]

She's only been at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia for four months, but it looks like co-CEO Wenda Harris Millard might already be clashing with the domestic doyenne herself. Although Millard calls the friction a "healthy debate," insiders are suggesting it's only a matter of time before she leaves MSLO's well-decorated confines and heads back to the online world, where she was previously the chief sales officer for Yahoo!. So what exactly did Wenda do to unleash Martha's wrath? She apparently prefers to delegate tasks, whereas control-freak Martha wants things done her way, which involves digging in and getting her hands dirty. It's an ethos Wenda really would have seen coming if she'd ever watched any of Martha's gardening segments on TV.

When Fortune asked Martha Stewart to give a presentation at its "Most Powerful Women Summit" last weekend, the mag probably assumed she'd instruct the group on how to prepare the perfect rhubarb pie. Instead, Martha went all new-agey and decided what everyone really needed was to learn how to do a proper downward dog. (How fitting for these stressful economic times!) The only disappointment: While Martha did get to hang out Warren Buffet at the event, it does not appear she was able to convince him to step on to a yoga mat. [The Martha Blog]

It's a Bad Thing: Buried deep into HuffPo founder Arianna Huffington's blog entry about last night's debate is the response everyone wants, that of domestic doyenne Martha Stewart. "The home-spun homilies [Sarah Palin uses] have to go," Stewart sniffed to Huffington. "And, oh my god, words do have ending consonants." [HuffPo]

Charles Simonyi, the Microsoft billionaire who paid $25 million for a 13-day stay on the International Space Station in April 2007, plans to return on another Russian rocket in 2009, says Virginia-based Space Adventures, which didn't say how much he was spending this time. Simonyi, who made his money helping Microsoft develop Excel as well as word, had been dating Martha Stewart for 15 years before they broke up in February; he's now engaged to Lisa Persdotter, a 28-year-old Swede, according to reports. Is she more tolerant of his rocketing career?

• So now Demi Moore is dating Michael Phelps? After all of Ashton's hard work making "Punk'd" she just trades him in for a younger model? [P6]

It's actually quite incredible that Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis isn't more famous than she is, given that she possesses the two qualities most likely to lead to major media success: a famous parent and no apparent limits to her oversharing. On her Sirius radio show, she has, according to a New York magazine profile, discussed: "The breast lift, the Botox, the in vitro shots to try to get pregnant, the "betweeny" wax she favors over the Brazilian, the recurrent sexual fantasies involving Scott Bakula, the past dabbling in lesbianism..." and so on.

Are there any outlets left NOT trying to be ironic and meta? Because even Martha Stewart, the icy queen of sincere homemaking, is launching a parody of herself. The show, "Whatever, Martha!", will be run by Stewart's daughter Alexis who, judging from a fresh New York profile, is still acting as self-consciously over the top as she was three years ago, when she first got her satellite radio show. She hates on a paraplegic! She has casual sex, sometimes even with women! She bought a handgun in preparation for a U.S. invasion! And now she's going to run a show where she'll make fun of her mom's old shows on a show co-produced by that same company. In the process we'll all get an uncomfortable look behind the scenes in the Stewart family, which involves learning the following:

♦ Martha Stewart has been busy wielding the ax. First she fired one of her show's directors; now she's cut her longtime hairstylist/makeup artist, allegedly because the staffer was spending too much on makeup and hair dye. [P6]
♦ The doctor who has been treating DJ AM and Travis Barker since their plane crash on Friday says both men should make full recoveries. Four others died in the wreck and investigators now suspect a blown tire was the cause. [People, LAT]
♦ Ron Perelman and Pat Duff are still fighting in court over their daughter Caleigh. It seem the teenager is still skipping out on those court-ordered visits with her mom. [P6]
♦ Lindsay Lohan will be a judge on the first episode of next season's Project Runway. [NYDN]
♦ Tina Fey was a big winner at the Emmys last night. You can check out a full list of winners here. [ET]

Martha Stewart may have estates in Bedford, East Hampton, Westport, and Maine, but there's one piece of real estate she did not get and from the sounds of it, she's still a wee bit annoyed about it. When the Daily News asked about her biggest real estate regret, Martha tells the story of how she was in negotiations to buy a seven-floor mansion directly across the street from the Met. It was right around Christmas, though, so she decided to take a vacation, which is when a "Russian real estate magnate" swooped in and picked up the place, leaving her out in the cold. So who who is this Russian who is still on Martha's bad side?