So says Politico blogger Ben Smith, who wore a suit to appear — looking nothing like his illustration, albeit kind of cute! — on Martha this morning.* The lifestyle queen invited political bloggers to her show today because she thinks it's scary the nation might elect a president who doesn't know how to read them and also probably because the more topical subject of complex financial shenanigans is not her specialty, oh wait just kidding. Personally I have always thought not being addicted to the internet was John McCain's most attractive quality since being tortured, but it raises a good point: I do not want presiding over this perilous economy one of those people who asks "You actually get paid to do that?"Like, for god sakes, yes motherfucker I majored in personal electronics assembly but there just weren't a lot of opportunities in that.

Remember Susan Lyne, the former CEO of Martha Stewart Omnimedia who also happened to look a lot like the domestic diva? Lyne has a new job: she's been named the CEO of Gilt.com according to a Silicon Alley Insider "source," which is probably a pretty reliable one, considering the two companies share the same co-founder. [AlleyInsider]

Naomi Watts doing some pre-baby shopping with a friend in Union Square ... Sarah Jessica Parker taking a walk downtown ... Petra Nemcova walking into the Diesel show ... Rosario Dawson crossing the street outside Balthazar ... Julia Stiles shopping in the West Village ... Bette Midler hugging her daughter outside the Bryant Park tents ... Betsey Johnson walking through the rain in Midtown ... Jessica Alba carrying her baby ... Mary-Kate Olsen sitting front row at the Proenza Schouler show ... Adrian Grenier having lunch outside with friends ... Jessica Simpson getting out of a taxi with pal Ken Paves ... Kanye West and Jay-Z making their way into the Marc Jacobs show ... Natalie Portman showing up to the front row at the Derek Lam show ... Martha Stewart leaving Bryant Park after attending Marc Jacobs' show ... and Marc Jacobs and Victoria Beckham leaving the Waverly Inn.

Exciting news from Martha Stewart HQ: She has a brand new webmaster named Terrance, who is going to be helping her upgrade her blog and add "exciting" new features like photo galleries and search. Oh, and for nerdy bloggers out there who care, she'd also like you to know that she's switching from Typepad to Wordpress. [MarthaStewart.com]

1) As well as something going on in Denver this week, there's also been some tennis! The 8th Annual USTA Serves' OPENing Gala was on Monday: Roger Federer's No. 1 fan Anna Wintour was there, although judging by the look on the face of the man standing behind her, some tennis fans weren't especially impressed by the sight of the Vogue editrix. Other attendees included Martha Stewart, Michael Bloomberg and Diana Taylor, Keisha and Forest Whitaker, Maria Sharapova, Boris Becker, Chris Evert, and Oscar de la Renta. [Wireimage, Getty/Jezebel]

What do you do if you're Martha Stewart and you're having dinner at Morandi and you just happen to spot designer Thom Browne walking down the street? You invite him to sit down have a few drinks, naturally. And, naturally, he immediately accepts. Then you take lots of photos of him so you have something to post on your blog! [Martha Stewart]

Think there's no downside to owning beachfront real estate in East Hampton? Think again! Martha Stewart reports that her Lily Pond Lane home was seriously damaged after it "suffered a blow from a powerful bolt of lightning." Martha says the electronic driveway gate, sprinkler system, and her "rather costly stereo" all had to be repaired. But she says she has insurance, thanks goodness. We were worried for a sec! [Martha Stewart]

Famous insider-trader Sam Waksal, whose overgenerous tipstering led to Martha Stewart's incarceration, is out of the big house! Well, sort of. After serving five years in a Michigan jail, he's been transferred to a not-so-big-house, a half-way facility in the Bronx. You'll be glad to hear that such modest surroundings aren't inhibiting Waksal from flaunting his wealth: Yesterday he returned from a shopping trip carrying a bag from Smythson's, the stationery store where you can pick up notebooks and the like for as little as $75. (Perhaps he was buying a gift for Martha? A message book that can be carried from place to place away from prying eyes, maybe?)

Martha Stewart got together with Jim Cramer yesterday to chat about her time "abroad" (as Cramer called it) or "Yale" (as she prefers to refer to it ), and just what the media mogul learned from her stint behind bars: "I can really do without. But I don't think the homemaker should do without." Nice one, Martha! She also discussed her new line of products at Wal-Mart and mentioned a recent visit to Wal-Mart HQ, where she found herself incredibly impressed with how the retail giant treats its employees. (Maybe she can find jobs there for all those MSLO staffers who were laid off?) A clip of her appearance after the jump.

• How does Martha Stewart plan to exploit her library of archival content? She's tapped her daughter, Alexis, and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt to host Whatever, Martha!, which will involve mocking (gently, we imagine) Martha's retro recommendations. [NYT]

There have been rumors that morale is low at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia ever since the departure of Susan Lyne last month. Then there was news today that the company axed 25 employees, which most certainly didn't do much to lift spirits. But that certainly doesn't seem to be the mood at the company offices judging by the chipper employee photos that Martha has been posting to her blog lately. Martha's been hanging around the office quite a bit this summer (that is, when she's not playing with her air-conditioned tractor) and look at all these satisfied employees she found! This tech guy seems pretty happy—someone even bought him a fan to keep from overheating. How about this cool shuttle bus that ferries staffers to Grand Central? And these customer service reps all have smiles on their faces (although they might just be excited their jobs haven't been outsourced to India yet). So step off, naysayers. This time around, Martha is coming armed with proof.

"Morale, which took a tumble when CEO Susan Lyne left last month, has slumped even further, according to one insider." [Post]

Hey, um, Martha Stewart-craftswoman, entrepreneur, be-vaginaed insider trading escape goat-is currently appearing in Wal-Mart ads and her left arm is missing. Judging by the above screenshot at least. Where did it go? Lost in a prison shanking? Severed while trying to make her famous Whirling Dervish Spinning Saw Blade centerpiece? Gnawed off by the Montauk Monster?? The world may never know. [Something Awful] Click thru to analyze a larger image. UPDATE: We have video of the commercial (after the jump) and Ms. Stewart's arm is indeed there. This is just trickery! Find the phantom limb at the 13 second mark (timestamp runs backward).

If Martha Stewart, Sam Waksal and Peter Bacanovic had just waited a little bit, they could have avoided that whole mess that landed them both in prison! This week, the biotech company that Waksal founded, ImClone Systems, received a $4.5 billion buyout offer from Bristol-Myers Squibb. Today the Times points out that the deal—$60 a share—is roughly the same price at which Martha and Sam illegally sold their shares in 2001. And ironically the drug that is responsible for ImClone's value is the same experimental medicine that prompted Martha & Co. to rush to unload their shares a few years ago. Of course, Martha's bounced back nicely since then. The same can't be said for Sam, who is behind bars. He'll be home soon enough, though. Officially Waksal's release date isn't until February 9, 2009, but he's expected to be released early and home in time for the last couple of weeks of summer. [NYT]

Sam Mendes turns 43 today. Rapper (and now radio host) Chuck D. is 48. Other folks celebrating: Al D'Amato is 71. Model agency owner Scott Lipps turns 39. Hairspray's Ashley Parker Angel is 27. Hedge fund honcho Ray Dalio is 59. Real estate agent Elizabeth Stribling is turning 64. Adam Duritz is turning 44. Most importantly, Coolio celebrates his 45th today. Celebrating tomorrow: Mary Louise Parker will be 44. Jeffrey Kalinsky will turn 46. NRDC president Frances Beinecke will be 59. And financier Henry Silverman will celebrate his 68th. On Sunday, Martha Stewart will celebrate her 67th with what we're guessing will be a meticulously planned party. Other Sunday celebrations: art world staple Adam Lindemann, Tom Brady, Isaiah Washington, and Martin Sheen.

New York Times columnist Philip Galanes has a new novel out, Emma's Table, and it features a character based on Martha Stewart, "fresh from a year-long stretch in prison and the public bloodletting that accompanied her fall," who ends up finding redemption with the help of an antique dining table. Considering he's both a lawyer and an etiquette expert, Galanes should be well-equipped to deal with any potential reaction from Stewart. [Reuters]

It's not fun being a convicted felon! Just ask Martha Stewart, who had to make a personal appearance at the DMV this week to renew her license since they wouldn't allow her to send in the forms by mail. In case you're wondering, it's a New York license ("They seized my old CT license—for reasons, unexplained"), but look at the lovely, keffiyeh-like scarf she wore for the occasion. Cute and slightly dangerous all at the same time!

Bear Stearns execs Ralph Cioffi and Matthew Tannin were led off in handcuffs a couple of weeks ago, accused of deceiving investors in one of the firm's ill-fated hedge funds. Bayou Group founder Samuel Israel III turned himself in last week after spending a few weeks on the run, and has started a 20-year sentence for defrauding investors of $450 million. (He now faces an additional 10 years for bail-jumping.) Plenty of other financial big wigs may ultimately get caught up in criminal probes, making 2008 one of the busiest years for white-collar defense lawyers, at least since the Drexel Burnham boys headed to the clink in the early '90s. A word of caution, though, to high-finance criminals facing the prospect of time behind bars. You do not want to show up to prison totally unprepared a la Sherman McCoy in Bonfire of the Vanities. Certain matters should be taken into account before you head off to the clink. There are even ways to parlay your riches and master-of-the-universe shtick into preferential treatment! Tips for disgraced Wall Streeters on how to survive behind bars after the jump.

Taking a walk down Spring Street a few minutes ago to buy seltzer and roach traps for my apartment, I spotted Martha Stewart! I'm pretty sure it was her, anyway: girlfriend was coming out of that lampshade store that no one goes to (update: wearing black capris and a crisp black shirt) with a couple of assistants, loading boxes into a black SUV. Somebody please get me the name of her dermatologist for future reference—thnx.

Martha Stewart was denied a visa to travel to England last week, as you may recall. The rebuff hasn't kept her confined to her Connecticut estate. She's in Poland at the moment (reconnecting with her heritage, perhaps?) where she's been eating food, photographing doorknobs, and admiring the occasional hunky Polish man. [Martha's blog]