It's difficult to believe, but not so long ago, when a First Family of Hollywood convened to exchange early Christmas presents, the spectacle of, say, Jane Fonda gifting brother Peter with lambskin racing gloves over dinner at Chasen's would go largely unreported. Today, however, with the proliferation of the interwebs, you (yes, you!) now have the power to transform such private moments into joyous happenings in the public sphere. In other words, thanks to a brave footsoldier of the information revolution like Mad Megan's blog, we can now share with you what Jake Gyllenhaal got from his parents for Christmas his birthday*:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time you couldn't help but notice Derek Jeter appreciating the aesthetically pleasing contours of Jessica Biel's ass during a visit to the Getty.

Scarlett Johansson is not promiscuous, Well, maybe she is a little when she's, like, single and "dating." But right now she's in a relationship, so she's totally not "sexually available," OK?
Idolator's compiled a collection of the worst national anthem renditions you could ever want to hear. Warning: Scott Stapp is featured.
· Australian kids might miss out on their chance to see a hung-over Lindsay Lohan croak her way through some awards show banter.
Now that Penelope Cruz has more than a handful of American movies under her belt, she's finally going to take a crack at learning English. [second item] Also, she's pretty lesbian friendly.
· Maggie Gyllenhaal Lease Signatory Shocker: Actress Won't Be Evicted, Says Lawyer!

• To reiterate, Madonna did not adopt a boy during her visit to Malawi to help AIDS orphans. But since the Malawian keeps telling everyone that she did, you can bet she won't be back anytime soon. [Page Six]
• After putting Neosporin on her ego, former NBC News Anchor Mary Alice Williams heads to CBS to be Katie Couric's writer. [Lowdown]
• Nicole Richie breaks up with Brody Jenner after he offers her a potato chip. [Us Weekly]
• Tara Reid reportedly has her breast implants removed and liposuction scars touched up. So the next time she gets bombed and falls out of her dress, the image of her tits won't make you cry. Or not as hard, anyhow. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria ditches Tony Parker for the loving embrace of AC Slater. [Scoop]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal finally spits out Peter Sarsgaard's child, a baby girl named Ramona. [R&M (bottom)]
• Kim Basinger is arraigned on charges of contempt after ex-husband Alec Baldwin sells her out with a list of custody violations. Honestly, we look forward to the day their daughter is old enough to buy a gun and shut her parents up once and for all. [TMZ]

· Well, at least no one's going to accuse Maggie Gyllenhaal of faking her pregnancy. Is that mean? Maybe we've still got unresolved betrayal issues about her carrying another man's seed.
· Compared to the chick who got too friendly with the serial killer, the one who thinks she's the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe seems like the definition of sanity itself.
· Lost's Naveen Andrew takes the crucial, early steps toward fathering another bastard.
Get ready, because here comes the end-of-day Mel Gibson link dump: The Mel Gibson sheriff video; the Mel Gibson disturbing face morph; Mel Gibson: another t-shirt; Mel Gibson: the bumper sticker; Mel Gibson: the homophobic comments of 1993; Mel Gibson's upcoming contrition tour; Mel Gibson: the naughty dog who ate Elvis' teddy bear. Wait, what?

• Uber-indie couple and overly cutesy NYC fixtures Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal are engaged and expecting a little bundle of diaper-shitting joy. We're praying they'll name the baby something like Jaane or Briaan. [AP]
• Child and family services pays a visit to Britney Spears and baby Sean Federline. You are not in any way surprised by this. [TMZ]
• Having finally crystallized his theory that Katie Couric is a robot, Simon Dumenco imagines CBS executives' plans for reprogramming the perky machine. [AdAge]
• While Page Sixers revel in freebies, Rush and Molloy just say no. [Deadline Hollywood]
• You didn't expect the Page Six scandal to pass without Joel Stein throwing in his two cents, did you? Of course not. And he's going to shake down the president of pomegranate juice while he's at it. [LAT]

Defamer's technical team is still working out the kinks on an exciting new technology that would allow us to stream PrivacyWatch sightings in real time, but for now we have to settle for the physical limitations imposed by thumbs on the tiny keyboards of Blackberries and Sidekicks. A reader reports on a lunchtime sighting, from virtually moments ago:

Trust The Man is shooting in the West Village, which means a preview for you to pervert however you please.
On The Set Of Trust The Man [OAN]

Send sightings to tips@gawker.com
· "11:30 Sunday night - so my buddy tom and i are at the corner bistro doing our sunday night ritual. (its actually a mon/wed/thurs/sunday ritual) when scott speedman sporting a beard and long hair walks in with some other guy..the two order screwdrivers and a "jack with a splash of coke" for some one is about to join them.. i overhear scott mention to his buddy that 'she' has gained some weight so, i of course, cant wait to see who this is. three minutes later, Keri Russellwalks in. all 115 lbs of her. looking phenomenal.. .what the hell was he thinking."
· "Janet Reno at O'Hare Airport, Chicago, waiting for a plane, looking better than you might image. Deals with the shakes much in the same way as Bob Dole deals with his dead hand: a pen."
· "Philip Seymour Hoffman, 1:30PM on Bleeker Street,
bearded and dirty with child in arms."

· Oddly, celebrity sightings in South Africa: "Samuel L Jackson dancing without bodyguards at the India Arie concert in Cape Town April 3rd. Last week Dennis Haskins (yes the father figure that shaped every kid who grew up in the late 1980's early 1990's as Mr Belding from Saved By the Bell) surprisingly withou an entourage and not so surprisingly without hair ordering drinks from Rhodes House, a trendy Cape Town club. Coolio turning down free pot at an outdoor rave in the Cape Tonian suburbs this last weekend."
· A hairless Tim Robbins? " thought i saw what appeared to be Tim Robbins at the Equinox Gym at 19th/Broadway on Monday April 21st...his head was newly shaved and he wore glasses. Is this possible? Only a trainer spoke to him."
· "Thursday 4/17 5:30 PM. [NY Attorney General] Eliot Spitzer jogging (more like running) and sweating on 84th Street and Madison near Met Museum. He had on alarmingly unflattering white sweatpants but nevertheless had a cute butt. (Yes, I checked out Eliot Spitzer's butt.)"
· Saturday 4/18 2:30 PM. Sonja Braga in the cute tea salon on 22nd St. near the Nan Goldin show. She was facing the window and holding court.
· "my coworker saw Maggie Gyllenhaal at the Angelika coming out of 'A Mighty Wind' last night, and my other coworker saw Toby Maguire in his Peter Parker clothes shooting spiderman stuff near City Hall on saturday. The stunt double was there in full spidey gear, which according to Jon, was much more exciting."
· "I just ran into Chris Robinson, Mr. Kate Hudson,bearded and all, shopping for cds at Other Music. Meanwhile across the street, shivering, screaming hordes of Madonna fans waited in line for an audience with the queen..."
· "just had lunch at cafe gitane (mott bet. houston and prince). saw jake gyllenhaal and kirsten dunst there. he looked yummy if a bit groggy (it was 1pm); she looked cute if a bit zitty sans makeup. he was smitten and rubbing his hand on her face. very lovey dovey. hope it lasts."
· "Saddam Hussein (or one of his six doubles) on the R train rolling into Astoria at 2:00pm today. He didn't have on an olive drab uniform, but the combo of hair, 'stache, paunch, jowels (sp?), and rubbery lips - and I swear to Allah - even that mole on his face (right side) made me swear it was him. Someone was sleeping on the job at the airport again, obviously."

· "Famous" blogger Jonathan Van Gieson: "1:08pm: Caught a glimpse of myself, reflected in the window. Further updates as events warrant.
· Maggie Gyllenhaal - Sunday, April 13 - Bedford Ave and N. 5th - "Appears to be the tallest girl alive. Skinny, but not the scary skinny of a model. Wearing a long black sort of wrap, with trench coaty accents. Seems to have gotten the 'Williamsburg Special' haircut while in the nabe."
· "I went to The Mighty Wind and sat next to Tim Curry who is shorter than one would think and bearded. He laughed his ass off."
· San Francisco: "Andy Dick, with entourage, Haight Street, Saturday afternoon."