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I'm here behind enemy lines—smack dab in the middle of Gawker HQ. How "meta" is that?

When Nick Denton asked me to be a guest columnist on his "craptastic" site, which has been boring the living daylights out of all of you for the past three years with endless repetitive items about my impending defenestration — to say nothing of all those posts flinging curse words leavened by meaningless pop-culture cliches — I thought: This guy has so much chutzpah, it's dribbling out of his eyeballs.

But when Nick explained it would be a great "publicity stunt" and he'd also pay me cash-money, I had to give it serious consideration. You know, when he put it THAT way, I thought, well, "fuck it," why not?

Anyhow, other than a dentist's appointment, I didn't have anything better to do today. I'll be fielding your questions—send them to asklloyd@gawker.com — and posting occasional items. So let's just get through this, shall we?

— Lloyd Grove