Joe Francis, the Pied Piper of busty, barely legal co-eds with a taste for the handicam spotlight, has been having—to put it mildly—a bitch of a week. Currently doing hard, Panama City jail time for a contempt of court charge related to his photographing of underage girls in sexual situations, he was also served yesterday with a federal indictment for tax evasion, which carries with it a maximum potential sentence of ten years in a Camp Cupcake-like facility for boys. Now, like the cherry upon this glutonous, schadenfreude sundae, comes this report of a bribe he probably wishes he could take back:

As many snickered about a measly contempt of court charge that nevertheless offered satisfying dividends by way of seeing Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis thrown behind bars, few could have known that the Big One was trailing right behind. From The Smoking Gun:

• MSNBC cancels their Imus-cast. May we tackily say: Told ya! [TV Newser]
  

Behold an EXCLUSIVE! MUG SHOT! EXCLUSIVE! of Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, freshly booked after his arrest this morning in the Panama City airport on contempt of court charges. In it, the titty-flashing tycoon courageously demonstrates his high threshold for the Panama City authorities' coercive interrogation tactics, managing, despite the cruel and unusual deprivation of maximum-hold hair product, to confidently bare all 72 teeth for the camera, in a smile that all but says, "Just try and make it stick, Smoaky." The details, courtesy of People.com:

Mind-rapist and anal intrudee Joe Francis was arrested this morning in—wait for it—Spring Break haven Panama City. We wish him all the best in his struggle against the cruel college gals who've unfairly accused him of victimizing them and forced him into the unholy process of mediation.

If you thought Girls Gone Wild svengali Joe Francis would order his captain to redirect his good-times flotilla to Panama City so he could fulfill a contempt of court jail term, well, you were wrong:

The slippery film covering sleaze mogul Joe Francis, the mastermind behind the Girls Gone Wild co-ed tittie-flashing empire, may not be enough for him to slide out of the clutches of the law's long arm. Francis earned a judge's wrath by skipping out on Panama City for a NCAA Final Four game in Atlanta, when he was supposed to be negotiating a settlement in a 2003 lawsuit brought against him by seven minors captured in "sexual situations." Now he's been ordered to do hard time on contempt of court charges:

Regardless of what should become of Antonella Barba after her sure-to-suck performance tonight on American Idol, the controversial contestant can take some comfort in knowing she is not without a backup plan: Girls Gone Wild's Chief Operating Titty Inspector, Joe Francis, has issued a press release publicly soliciting Barba's services to the tune of $250,000:

An operative who attended last night's Oscar viewing party and fundraiser at The Abbey sends in this report, where television's Ghost Whisperer demonstrated an aloofness and general lack of Oscars spirit that set hundreds of Gay Whisperers' tongues wagging, while Joe "I Will Trade You This Fine Girls Gone Wild T-Shirt For a Lifetime Of Shame And Humiliation" Francis impressively demonstrated how he he can find eager female (at least they looked female) companionship anywhere—even at WeHo's premiere sausage factory:

In what will surely go down as a black day for members of Hollywood's scenewhore elite who have found themselves on the wrong side of the law, Joe Francis—the world's foremost titty-flashing co-ed talent scout—has received a harsher community service sentence for failing to properly document his subjects' ages than his lawyers had bargained for:

Figurative and literal anal-penetration victim and Girls Gone Wild producer Joe Francis has beaten 34 of the "more than 40" felony and misdemeanor charges against him for videotaping minors having real and/or simulated sex. "Hundreds of hours" of damning tape seized from Francis's homes and plane were suppressed from evidence because of improper search warrants; a few counts remain on the docket due to potential testimony from the videographer and photographer in question. So other than a few fines and community service, things are looking good for Joe. Perhaps he'll go beat up a reporter to celebrate!

• Ad Age's Media Mavens: A remarkably diverse group. [copyranter]
  

Determining that the $1.6 million in fines that his company was ordered to pay for not keeping accurate records on the ages of drunken 17-year-olds they may have accidentally filmed in the act of baring their breasts after funneling pints of Goldschlager on Spring Break would hardly put a dent in Girls Gone Wild jailbait-titty-flash mogul Joe Francis's private jet catering budget, much less make him pause for reflection about preying on drunken co-eds, a Florida judge tacked on some community service for Francis and his cohorts, then publicly chided them for the cowardice built in to their business model:

Yesterday, Girls Gone Wild mogul and dildo-adjacent kidnap victim Joe Francis pleaded guilty to not keeping adequate documentation of the ages, identities, and dangerously low Self Esteem Index scores of the improvisational performers in his popular line of instructional drunken-titty-flash videos, agreeing to pay the equivalent of his yearly private-jet fuel expenditure in fines. While Francis' guilty plea will not carry any jail time, the Spring Break documentarian, perhaps still skittish after years of being repeatedly sodomized by the media, got a little scare from the judge. Reports the LAT:

Girls Gone Wild founder and drive-by dildo victim Joe Francis pleaded guilty yesterday to two felony counts of violating federal record-keeping laws, as he had failed to document the ages of the girls featured in his videos. Earlier this month, Francis admitted to using minors in his last two DVDs (but if they were just soaping each other, is that a crime?); he pleaded guilty to 10 similar felony counts in Panama City, paying $1.6 million in fines. God only knows what he owes in New Orleans and Fort Lauderdale.

In a quote that will be instantly stripped of context and presented as proof that Paris Hilton is aware that she's exactly as intelligent as we assume one who is singlehandedly responsible for the term "celebutard" entering the pop culture vernacular might be, Page Six reports Hilton played the dumb card while being questioned in connection with the Joe Francis Kidnapping And Dildo-Menacing Trial of the Century:

Girls Gone Wild impresario Joe Francis has always been at the vanguard of the inebriated titty-flash industry, so it is probably with great pride that he can now lay claim to being the first person found guilty of breaching the new anti-kiddie porn laws set up by the federal government. The LAT reports:

Girls Gone Wild auteur Joe Francis, perhaps looking for a little variation in his diet of anal violation, is now getting ass-raped by the feds. Mantra Films, the company responsible for Francis' contributions to cinema, "pleaded guilty to charges that it failed to create and maintain age and identity documents for performers in sexually explicit films that it produced and distributed." The plea calls for $2.1 million in fines and restitution, half a million of which is to be paid by Francis personally. Oh, Joe; if only you'd had sex with that Assistant Attorney General like she wanted you to, none of this would have happened.

• You want news placement, you go to the Washington Post. [Wonkette]
• Photoshop is the new actually writing out the joke. [MediaWireDaily]
• Getting assaulted by Joe Francis boosts traffic immeasurably. Hey Joe, you suck! We bet you wouldn't have the nerve to touch us. [LA Observed]
• Jeffrey Epstein's money sullies the purity of New Mexican politics. [DealBreaker]
• Drink up at The Orchard and E.U. Then be sure to step outside and let the neighbors hear how much fun you're having. [Eater]
• Plums: Fresh. [Gothamist]
• Wondering what Dana Giacchetto's been up to? More of the same, apparently. [TSG]
• Vests: Not just for old people anymore. [MTV]
• People who wear vests are twats. [No link, it's just an editorial opinion.]

So it seems you can throw a man as many bachelor parties as you want; he's still gonna toss you overboard when push comes to shove. In what we at Gawker are claiming as a victory no matter the facts, Page Six has finally made mention of Girls Gone Wild auteur Joe Francis' reporter-assaulting ways. To be sure, they handle it delicately (it's more of a prostate exam than an anal rape, to put it in terms Francis would understand), suggesting merely that Francis might be wise to hire a P.R. person (we bet Lori Brown's available). They also end the piece on an up note: "Hoffman reports that Francis is working on extending the "Girls Gone Wild" brand with a feature film, ocean cruises, a fashion line and restaurant chain." No word yet on the molestations he's planning for fall, though.