If you are in the market for a new couch, Craigslist is home to a new gem. Verified heinous self-important asshole Joe Francis is selling his slate grey four-piece sectional couch on the Los Angeles community for-sale board. It has lived in his office for five years but it is in good shape.

It was not inevitable that Joe Francis would issue an apology for his remarks to The Hollywood Reporter suggesting the jurors who recently convicted him for unlawful imprisonment should be executed. But what was inevitable is that if an apology were to surface, it would be full of assy qualifications, self-entitlement and victim-playing. And so it has, and so it is. Below is the "apology" Francis issued because someone obviously told him to do it, although they failed to inform him how to do it:

After we published our post on the Hollywood Reporter story, in which Joe Francis said that the "retarded" jury that convicted him earlier this month "should be shot dead," we received an email from one of the 12 not-so-angry people who sat on jury. We followed up with this person by phone to produce the following account of the trial and the response to Francis' insults and allegations.

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis has gone wild and it's way better than a bath full of bouncing, barely (or not-at-all) legal coeds. On May 7, the day after he was found guilty of false imprisonment (three counts), assault causing great bodily injury (one count), and dissuading a witness from reporting (one count), The Hollywood Reporter nabbed an exclusive interview with the supreme douche, who was highly emotional and, as revealed later in the ensuing profile, drunk.

Joe Francis, founder of the now-bankrupt Girls Gone Wild franchise, was convicted yesterday of falsely imprisoning three women and severely assaulting at least one of them back in 2011.

After 16 godawful, Jägermeister-fueled years, the Girls Gone Wild amateur porn franchise is filing for bankruptcy. The Wall Street Journal reports that company founder Joe Francis manager Chris Dale put GGW Brands LLC and other companies under the Girls Gone Wild umbrella into Chapter 11 protection yesterday to prevent the Wynn Las Vegas Casino and Resort from acquiring them in a multimillion dollar lawsuit:

Gawker's favorite kiddie porn-lite peddler Joe Francis turned himself into the LAPD last night over a misdemeanor warrant. A Los Angeles Times source says it's for "misdemeanor false imprisonment," which, if you think about it, is totally unsurprising!

Girls Gone Wild creator and Douche of the Decade Joe Francis says that he thinks Blake Lively is the one releasing all those dirty pictures of herself, not the hacker who's supposedly spreading them around.

Porn-lite purveyor Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild was cleared of civil charges in Florida yesterday morning for allegedly causing emotional distress after he filmed underage girls' boobs for his frat boy DVD empire.

Girls Gone Wild founder and Gawker Douche of the Decade Joe Francis has been representing himself in a Panama City courthouse this week, in a civil case brought against him by four young women who fell prey to his "you expose yourself, I give you this magical tube top" routine. If you think this hilarious arrangement has disaster written all over it, you're right!

The Real Birdturds of Miami screeched in unison last night as they all attended Lea Black's Black Tie Extravaganza at Black House Manor. But one of the ladies was not welcome and there will be vicious hell to pay.

Girls Gone Wild millionaire and Douche of the Decade Joe Francis had a publicity-soaked wedding in November. So how's married life going? Divorcing, you say? She moved out "a bit after Thanksgiving," mere weeks after the ceremony? Oh dear. [Radar]

Being something of an expert in the business, Lindsay Lohan's mom thinks she should open a chain of rehab centers. Also today: Kelly Bensimon can't stop embarrassing her kids, Joe Francis happily civilizes his union, and some Twilight news.

Girls Gone Wild founder and certified douchebag Joe Francis is currently being sued by four women who say Francis coerced them into appearing in his X-rated films when they were underage. Well, that's now a free speech battle. How respectable!

Beautiful moments ahead: Girls Gone Wild impresario and Douche of the Decade Joe Francis is finally "tying the knot" with his beloved, CBS Entertainment reporter Christina McLarty. In a "civil domestic partnership." We're invited! Well—to the "press epicenter."

Connecticut GOP Senate candidiate Linda McMahon takes heat for her time as CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, but she says her skills will help her in office. For example, WWE once partnered with Girls Gone Wild for a pay-per-view boobfest.

"Girls Gone Wild" boss and Douche of the Decade Joe Francis is suing to stop the sale of former employee Ryan Simkin's tell-all book. But Simkin gave us an excerpt (below)—involving Paris Hilton smuggling coke and ecstasy, sexxxily.

Girls Gone Wild impresario Joe Francis is going to court over his former employee's new tell-all. But the book's publisher just came back with a motion calling Francis the "Douche of the Decade." (Sound familiar?) We've got the whole thing.

Douche of the Decade Joe Francis is threatening to sue Piranha 3D for showing "someone loosely based on Joe Francis" screaming bloody murder while piranhas tear his penis from his body with their rusty saw blade teeth.