A reader braves the hygienic nightmare of touching anything found on the sidewalk to claim a small treasure found outside the Delancey Street branch of Banco Popular: Jared Paul Stern's calling card, which goes nicely with his fedora. We'd heard he had this sort of schtick, in which he crosses out the "Mr." to indicate that if you've got his number, you're past such formalities. Now you're friends, and you can call him "Missy."

Despite the appearance of trauma and drama, we suspect Jared Paul Stern is a very happy man right now. Sure, he was caught on videotape allegedly trying to shake down billionaire Ron Burkle, but the press is slowly starting to let up on Stern himself, at least in that it's increasingly probable that Burkle masterminded some sort of set up. The most significant pieces of press in Stern's favor have come from ABC News, which was the first to report Stern's defense; yesterday they also reported that the FBI did not have enough evidence to make an arrest.

From WWD today:

It's freaking Bonnie Fuller day around here: The AMI editorial director just sat down with Al Roker to discuss her new book, The Joys of Too Much: Blah Blah Blah. Before they even started with the requisite book plug, however, Al Roker asked the Bonnster about Jared Paul Stern's troubles with Ron Burkle, which she refused to talk about. Still, Roker referenced an old interview in which Stern noted that working at Star was akin to a "black hole." Roker asked Bonnie Fuller if she had any idea why Stern would say such a thing — she, of course, couldn't imagine why he would. "Star is a wonderful place to work," she declared. Especially if you like piss in your soup.

Today is the first day that the Daily News hasn't had a glaring front page regarding the Page Six payola scandal and, to be honest, it makes us a little sad. But we're confident that this does not signal an end to the coverage, even if things are starting to look ever-so-slightly up for alleged extortionist Jared Paul Stern, who claims he was set up by billionaire Ron Burkle.

The latest: According to ABC news, the FBI was prepared to arrest Jared Paul Stern at the time of his infamous meeting with billionaire Ron Burkle, but they lacked sufficient evidence. Since then, the bureau is in the early stages of launching an investigation "to determine whether there ever will be enough to bring to a federal grand jury and win an indictment." And, of course, there might not be.

Stuck at his country home upstate in Oak Hill, Jared Paul Stern keeps occupied by following his own fray. In regards to the Daily News printing excerpts of his transcripts, Stern writes Gawker:

In a phone interview with ABC News' Chris Cuomo, Page Six freelance-y fixture Jared Paul Stern claims that billionaire Ron Burkle set him up, resulting in claims of extortion and an FBI investigation of the gossip column's practices. On the surface, this isn't necessarily untrue — Burkle set up the meetings, videotaped them, and handed them over to the feds. But according to the Daily News, Stern contacted Burkle with an email hinting at a possible deal to be made; Stern, on the other hand, claims Burkle initiated contact over a year ago, through mutual friends, looking to Stern for a way to make his Page Six issues disappear. And even if Burkle set up Stern, Stern lost his mind when he named a price.

Wanting to be all right-n-fair about stuff, we contacted Jared Paul Stern's lawyer Ed Hayes for comment. Hayes tells Gawker, "He has not been contacted by authorities and, while he made a mistake, he will put this behind him." OK, we'll take that as a concession that Stern did something wrong — which is kind of obvious, but whatever.

From "Page Sixer Probed," New York Post, today:

Today we've learned that Page Six's Jared Paul Stern has been busted for extortion, trying to wrangle $100K up front plus $10K monthly out of Ron Burkle for a year's "protection" from unflattering items. Surely this is not the first time someone's ponied up to Stern — or Page Six, for that matter — to maintain friendly coverage. So we have to wonder: Who else has paid?

Consider our jaws agape, because even we are near-speechless by what hit the wires at 11:30 last night. New York Post fixture Jared Paul Stern — who freelances for Page Six, edited the Page Six magazine, and as of two days ago was still handling the Post's Sunday book reviews — has been suspended from the paper pending an investigation by the FBI for extortion.

Okay, it's not as bad as it sounds. But Page Six, the Post's marvelous bastion of gossip and backstabbing, is launching a magazine. It's not of the traditional newsstand ilk, but will rather be a glossish insert in the paper (presumably Sundays, if it flies). Once we know more, we'll decide whether or not to be amused or mortified.

A reader writes, in response to Jared Paul Stern's Post column ("Tips for flacks") yesterday:
1. Never, ever, fuck with Alec Baldwin or Tim Robbins, they are really big guys and won't hesitate to punch your lights out or throw a drink on you.
2. Just because you wear a fedora and eat dinner at Elaine's, it doesn t make you a journalist and I ll answer your stupid questions about my clients drug habits however I damn please.
3. Being friends with Mickey Rourke doesn't make you cool. [Ed. notePage Six columnist Richard Johnson and Mickey Roarke have a history of very publicly threatening to kick each other's asses. They're not friends. But you're right; being friends with Mickey Roarke doesn't make anyone cool. UPDATE: Nevermind. I'm told that A.J. Benza is friends with Roarke.]
4. If you are or were gay, just admit it and don't write a book about it.
5. I've seen your kid doing crank at a party in the East Village, you shouldn t talk about other people's kids.
6. Relax, Graydon gave you that money as a pay-off, he doesn't actually expect you to contribute a story to the magazine.

The NY Post's Jared Paul Stern offers a few words of advice for publicists: He warns against overhyping parties and obscure restaurants, lying to journalists about facts that have already been substantiated, and spending exhorbitant amounts of money on badly-produced events. Conspicuously missing from the list: running over innocent bystanders with your Mercedes SUV, demanding that your client's GQ photos be airbrushed, and sending a gossip website editor a press release about a total non-event with the expectation that the hypothetical editor wouldn't possibly make fun of it on said website.
Eight-step program for PR biz makeover [Post via 601am]

Jared Paul Stern reports that Zac Poseur Posen went nuts when model Sara Ziff made an impromptu motion with her arms as she hit the end of the catwalk at his runway show. "Did you see what she did, the stupid bitch!"
Catty Zac unleashes a 'bitch' fit [Post]

The Post's Jared Paul Stern says the fat girls at the Lane Bryant show weren't fat enough. Kelly Osbourne? Not fat enough. Rosanne? Fat enough, but she wasn't walking. (Or "waddling," as Stern puts it.) It's all about context, really. If, for example, Stern were to walk a few of the Super[size]models over to the Vogue editorial office, I think space and time would collapse as soon as they crossed the Conde Nast threshold. Anna Wintour would collapse, at any rate. FAT PEOPLE IN MASS MARKET CLOTHING!! AIIEEEE!!! (It's Anna Day at Gawker.)
Bryant Park's faux fatties on runway [Post]

It's Tina Brown Day at Gawker. The Post's Jared Paul Stern analyzes the queen of schmooze, and describes a classic move: the hand-off. "If you're stuck talking to someone uncomfortable, unfortunate or - worst of all - unimportant, grab a passer-by, introduce them and slip away while they get acquainted."
Brown: nosing around for what makes Tina tick [Post]