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In a phone interview with ABC News' Chris Cuomo, Page Six freelance-y fixture Jared Paul Stern claims that billionaire Ron Burkle set him up, resulting in claims of extortion and an FBI investigation of the gossip column's practices. On the surface, this isn't necessarily untrue — Burkle set up the meetings, videotaped them, and handed them over to the feds. But according to the Daily News, Stern contacted Burkle with an email hinting at a possible deal to be made; Stern, on the other hand, claims Burkle initiated contact over a year ago, through mutual friends, looking to Stern for a way to make his Page Six issues disappear. And even if Burkle set up Stern, Stern lost his mind when he named a price.

Honestly, we don't really care who started what. What we care about are the transcripts of Stern and Burkle's meeting, excerpts of which the News ran on Sunday. Our favorite bits after the jump.

Burkle: "This has been ruining my reputation, ruining my personal life, ruining my business life. That is going to go on if I don't do something?"

Stern: "There is no reason to think that it wouldn't end."

Burkle: "It has to stop and I need it to stop. But I am a business guy and I am a simple guy and it is $220,000 and it is only for 12 months ...

Stern: "At the end of 12 months and before that, things, you know, you are in a position to where you will be a friend of the paper, friends of the people who work there and you won't have that problem."

Stern's likely defense will be that the money was to be invested in his Skull and Bones clothing line; even so, it's cash in Stern's pocket in exchange for softening up on Burkle. But while paying off Stern is a start, a real Friend of Page Six needs to take care of the whole family:


Stern: "I can solve these issues for you, but it is, you know, it is, you know there are going to be other things. We are going to have to find ways to work with those guys outside of being friends."

Burkle: "You gave me ideas yesterday. You tell me I have to pay [Page Six editor] Richard Johnson $100,000 to be something somewhere ..."

Stern: "Yeah, a consultant say to, you know, your media companies, for instance."

Burkle: "Well, like Current TV, I have Current TV."

Stern: "Yeah, okay. Yeah, that is something we should definitely do and we should start to work on something sooner rather than later."

Exclusive: Gossip Writer Says, 'I Was Set Up' [ABC]
'You Need a Real Friend'