Emailed stalker sighting: "Just saw Ivanka Trump going through security at LaGuardia. Pretty in person, with perfect skin, she has nice legs but a surprisingly rectangularly-shaped bottom. Traveling with a very inbred English-upper-class-looking public school boy."

Did the Ivanka Trump/Jared Kushner breakup affect her performance in the Kushner-owned New York Observer "Socialite Slapdown"? Trump had been inexplicably placed in the "brains" bracket, not "birth," but while she fought her way to the Sweet Sixteen, she finally and suddenly lost out to #14 seed Peter Davis. The contests seem to perhaps be based on "internet voting" but there's plenty of room for mischief in that. Recount!

Cute li'l real-estate magnate and newspaper-owner Jared Kushner broke up with oddly attractive-despite-her-family Ivanka Trump! This is according to Page Six, who note that Ivanka has gone to parties by herself, which is irrefutable proof. They've been together for almost exactly one year, which is, if you ask us, suspicious. What's Jared up to? Why is he breaking up with his hot, brand-name girlfriend? Why is he pretending he's going to buy Newsday? Is he just toying with us??

[Ivanka Trump, daughter of Donald, outside the Waverly Inn last night; image via Splash]

The eldest daughter of The Donald, Ivanka is a former model, social fixture, reality TV star, jewelry designer, and real estate executive. Her husband is fellow real estate heir Jared Kushner.

[Ivanka Trump gallivants in the waters of St. Barth's, Jan. 2; image via X17]

Today's Thursday Styles section has that profile of Ivanka Trump, who apparently likes looking at herself in the mirror. But that's all I know about that, because not only do I refuse to read any of the words in that part of the newspaper, it's like I actually physically cannot! I can't and haven't read any part of the Times except the front page, any other newspaper, or any magazine for more than a week now. I haven't read any blogs, including this one, either! It's a real problem, or it would be, if my last day at this website wasn't Monday. Anyway, instead of writing little jabby synopses of things and trends and people in the news for the next few days, I have no choice but to just tell you about the books I read and thoughts I had while I was on vacation. It'll be like the time I mused about how we should all stop hating and start focusing our energy and we would all own Park Slope brownstones someday—except less delusional.

To be clear, of all the Trumps, Ivanka is our favorite, Her dad has a big face and is just really horrible. Of her two brothers, Donald Jr. is a joke and Eric, well, Eric is pretty much an unknown. Hell, he might be as great at Ivanka and probably he wouldn't have been called shameless scheming Delilah by Times-lady Ruth La Ferla. No such luck for toothsome Ivanka; today's Thursday Styles piece is lady-dismissive in a complicated way.

• "I'm very organized and controlled, and need to go to bed at night knowing what I'm going to wear the next morning," says David Beckham. Hey, that's exactly the kind of thing that makes someone sexy not sexy suddenly. [P6]

Seen here, from the Fox Business launch party at the Met last night: 1. Jason Beckman, Fabiola Beracasa's banker boy. Currently missing in action. 2. Fabiola Beracasa, socialite freshly back from Beijing. ("I could feel the oppression!") 3. New York Observer majority owner and bridge and tunnel real estate mogul Jared Kushner, desperately trying to escape being photographed with his girlfriend who is: 4. Ivanka Trump, here coquettishly looking away as to not be photographed publicly with her boyfriend, Jared Kushner. (She has such good hair!) Why they were there: Fabiola's mom, Veronica Hearst, is good friends with Rupert Murdoch; Mr. Murdoch dined chez la famille Beracasa last week. Mr. Kushner is a newer Murdoch friend, though does enjoy spending time on the big Murdoch boat. Related: Kushner is a huge Counting Crows fan! Rain King is one of his favorite songs.

Since time immemorial, or since maybe 2004, we have received missives from a person called The Earl Grey, who is the greatest social documentarian of our time. As frequently as possible, we print these letters as a service to society.

Oh my God. It just occurred to us. Ivanka Trump is so going to convert down the road to marry Observer publisher Jared Kushner! There will be at last a Jewish Trump! She's just like Charlotte on "Sex and the City." I am wringing my hands and maybe going to cry!

On the Howard Stern show yesterday, Donald Trump noted that, according to a listener, his daughter "Ivanka was dating a 'very rich guy—not as rich as me, but a very rich guy' from a 'real estate family.'" Translation: That is basically a blessing from the goyim for New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner! ("Rich"="good.") Anyway, that's exactly the kind of Trumpism that we imagine gets the hackles up on Jared's daddy, New Jersey kingpin (and good pal of gay American Jim McGreevey) Charles Kushner. But hey, the real estate union of Jersey Jared and Manhattan Ivanka is good for everyone for now—just like an arranged marriage between little empires! Though we still don't think it's remotely possible that Jared will ever marry the shiksa. Prove us wrong, you adorable lovebirds! We want to believe.

Today's Page Six stumbles when it should have scooped: "Sightings: Maxim Deputy Editor Chris Wilson howling out a Monkees song with N.Y. Observer writer George Gurley, followed by fellow Observer scribe Spencer Morgan and his girlfriend, Vanity Fair fashion editrix Alexis Stewart, belting out Heart's "Magic Man" at Sing Sing." So close! Alexis Stewart is Martha Stewart's crazy daughter. Spencer Morgan is dating Alexis Bryan. Shelby Bryan's daughter. You know, Vogue editor Anna Wintour's lover Shelby Bryan? Crazy, right? (Sort of better than Spencer's boss Jared Kushner dating Ivanka Trump even.) Please God, let them have children together and make Anna Wintour a grandmother at the same time as Colonel Potter becomes a great-grandfather!

• Did Laurie David leave Larry David for the caretaker of their Martha's Vineyard mansion? Signs point to "be suspicious!" [Cindy]
  

You know how all those long newspaper stories about Rupert Murdoch never say where he is at any given moment? It's because, like Barry Diller, he's always on a boat—and because no one who doesn't already know where they are doesn't need to know. Mr. Murdoch arrived to meet his boat on the French Riviera on the 17th, to attend the Scientology wedding of James Packer and Erica Baxter at the Hotel du Cap Eden Roc. (Actually, they had to marry off-shore, because they hadn't been in France for a month and that's the law there.) Hey, small world! You know who just got back from Nice yesterday? New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner and his friend Ivanka Trump!

A tipster reports seeing blond power-couple Ivanka Trump and her current boytoy, New York Observer owner and fellow real-estate scion Jared Kushner, at Bowlmor Lanes last night. (Bowling! Together they're learning about how the poor live!) Maybe they were celebrating the fact that the Observer got out on time and actually got printed this week. Or maybe they bought a building or two! "Every now and then they sneaked a kiss," our spy reports. "They seemed to have been enjoying themselves until we made a big deal of them."

American Apparel founder Dov Charney is perhaps best known for two things: masturbating on his employees and being a hugely successful entrepreneur. The alumni newsletter of the fancy boarding school that he attended for one year would like for you to focus exclusively on the latter thing!

The significance of holding last night's party to celebrate the New York Observer and its new website at the Four Seasons restaurant was intentional, obvious, and not at all lost on anyone. Despite its recent Frank Bruni demotion to two New York Times stars, the restaurant remains the symbolic and probably actual center of New York old-guard media power. After so many years of playing gadfly to the media, politics, and real estate elite of this city, the Observer and its boy-owner and his advisers chose to make a very specific sort of statement.

Yesterday, we found out that New York Observer goldenboy Jared Kushner has been mucking about with none other than Trump Organization goldengirl Ivanka Trump, complete with PR-man assertions of "friendship." But! Were we just pawns in one of Kushner's maniacal games? Yesterday we were contacted by several Observer staffers, who said that about a week ago, Kushner had been parading Ms. Trump around the Observer offices, "as if he wanted one of us to tell you guys, because he knows that everything here gets leaked. So of course, we didn't." The pair reportedly entered Kushner's office, "leaving the door open," one Observer staffer said, though this staffer also remarks that the whole thing "seemed weird." We've been used, in some horrible image management co-branding scheme! Kushner, you rascal! (*Shakes fist*) We'll get you next time.