health-watch

Drugs Still Haven't Cured Getting Old, Dying

Hamilton Nolan · 09/02/10 02:02PM

Psychosis drugs! Botox drugs! Chimpanzee hugs! Diet drugs! Porno fugs! Malaria drugs! Teenage shrugs! And dementia drugs! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—and wealth, and knowledge of self!

Scientists Confirm: PMS Is Your Boyfriend's Fault

Hamilton Nolan · 08/24/10 02:38PM

PMS decoded! Neurosurgery! Stapled peptides! Ants on McDonald's! Eggs that kill! More smoking cancer! Chronic fatigue solved! And gluten-free crapola! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—consuming Wheaties by the barrel!

America's Deadliest Ice Cream Desserts

Brian Moylan · 08/12/10 10:43AM

During the summer, ice cream is a frozen indulgence that many people allow themselves without worrying about just how unhealthy it is. Here are the most fat-laden ice cream treats. The worst has more calories than three Big Macs. Fatty.

Death Begins in the Belly

Hamilton Nolan · 08/10/10 01:32PM

New Alzheimers test! DNA for cancer! Grownups with pediatricians! Questions about statins! Patella band analysis! The science of sleep! And belly fat of doom! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—or do we?

Let's All Talk About Dead Men's Sperm

Hamilton Nolan · 08/03/10 12:38PM

Healthy bullets! Healthy gay blood! Healthy weed! Healthy ticks! Healthy yoga! Healthy ketamine! Healthy magazines! And completely unhealthy sperm of the deceased! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—but not that closely, that's gross!

Drink Enough Milk or Die

Hamilton Nolan · 07/12/10 02:43PM

Cholesterol kids! Weight loss drugs! Glucosamine failure! Skin cancer diversity! Proper sneeze coverage! And your daily milk needs, revealed! It's your Monday Health Watch column, where we watch your health: with supplemental protein!

Americans Eating All Types of Delicious Crap

Hamilton Nolan · 06/29/10 11:20AM

NYC supremacy! Teen girl craziness! Vermonster's revenge! Kiddie hypertension! Air bee science! Lying docs! Airline food! It's your somewhat scientific Health Watch, where we watch your health—upon a mountain of iced-cream!

Science Proves: Teen Girls Don't Care

Hamilton Nolan · 06/24/10 04:00PM

Kid checkups! Organic fatties! Lazy docs! Sports carbs! Drunk teens! Rat Lungs! It's your predominantly factual Health Watch, where we watch your health—with the interest of a teenage girl amongst nerds!

Touched Anything? Get an H.I.V. Test.

Hamilton Nolan · 06/16/10 12:15PM

Crazy ladies fear AIDS! Vuvuzela dangers! Tuberculosis rampant! Cell phone radiation! Skinny blood! Skinny sex! Sexy diets! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while smearing ourselves with disinfectant!

Bald? You So Dead

Hamilton Nolan · 06/01/10 03:57PM

Back fat! Artery gunk! Acupuncture science! Butterfly strokes! Bald death! Coke problems! It's your fundamentally important Health Watch, where we watch your health—assuming you're human, which we do!