Behold publicist Jonathan Cheban in his latest incarnation: Access Hollywood correspondent! Congrats on the new gig, good lad, but what about your old job as Lizzie Grubman's partner?

A thoughtful reader with a very good point emails us to point out the inherent wrong in our coverage of Grubman PR intern and nightclub proprietress for privileged youth, Lexi Lehman:

Yesterday we sadly introduced you to 17-year-old Lexi Lehman, the Grubman PR intern who's behind Crush, the Chelsea teen club that aims to provide velvet-rope exclusivity to uptown's privileged 18-and-under crowd. In the Post article on this extra-curricular nightlife project, Lehman explained why an alcohol-free venue was necessary: "Teenagers don't want to be exposed to alcohol or older men. It's scary."

Too young and not quite jaded enough to handle the velvet ropes at Marquee and Bungalow 8? Even better, are you under 18 or prefer to stalk those under 18? If so, Crush might be the perfect nightclub for you.

Wherein we ask our favorite media folk what they're thankful for this year. Says perma-flack Lizzie Grubman:

You might want to sit down for this one: We're hearing that PoweR Girls, the MTV reality show which documents the professional horror of being one of publicist Lizzie Grubman's pretty little minions, will be coming back for a second season. Yes, it's true: They're going to do this to you again, although it's been suggested that Lizzie's Return won't be aired on MTV but, rather, another station in the Viacom family. (CBS? Oh, Les, don't you dare.)

We can think of some other iniquitous trends for which Lizzie's might be held responsible.

· Grubman PR employee Joyce Stern was none too thrilled to read in yesterday's Page Six that Lizzie Grubman was dating her erstwhile hubby, Chris Stern. It's appalling what some men will do to be featured in an episode of PoweR Girls. [Page Six]
· While stopping for her post-Gyno ice cream, Britney Spears realized she was out of cash. Good thing the evil paparazzi loaned her $10, which resulted in exclusive lactose-licking pics. [R&M]
· Armed with a shiny new Peabody and a six-figure book deal, former 60 Minutes producer is coming after everyone in her new tome — except for Dan Rather, whom she thinks is as charming as a churlish chicken in a chinese chow house. [Lowdown]
· Dismissed Apprentice Chris Shelton explains a recent scuffle in Vegas as "passion." [Fox 411]

It seems like it was only five weeks ago we forced Intern David to watch the first episode of PoweR Girls. Misty watercolored memories... That first night, David thought things couldn't get much worse — and to his credit, he was right. (For once, and only once, because Interns are never right.) The show's finale managed to burrow itself into a sub-Saharan level of mediocrity that made the Philadelphia season of The Real World look like the Seattle season. After the jump, David bids farewell to Lizzie and the gang.

What s gross? Watching Bruce Willis slice the peas and carrots off some freak show pedophile in Sin City. What s grosser than gross? Watching Lizzie Grubman get botox in the most recent episode of our beloved PoweR Girls. Intern David was completely shocked by the injections — he had always assumed that Lizzie was born with an endless supply of poison in her cheeks. My doctor makes me look beautiful, Lizzie proclaims. And David gets chicks from writing for Gawker...

In this week's episode of PoweR Girls, we are forced to return to the Hamptons — more hip-hop parties, it seems. As producers slowly create characters out of the lifeless, limp bodies of Lizzie's slaves, we learn that the Gotti boys are "so hot right now" and PR girl Kelly is "so not competent right now." In his weekly review, Gawker intern David enlightens us on the latest from the land of Lizzie.

David: Man, that episode of PoweR Girls was old.
Audience: How old was it?
David: So old, it was filmed when Paris ego wasn t the only thing bruised. Zing!
[Laughter, applause, roll commercial with someone singing about diarrhea.]

Salon takes on the aesthetic faults of Lizzie Grubman's MTV series, PoweR Girls:

This week's episode of MTV's Carnivale de la Grubman, PoweR Girls, was, like, especially special: PR slave Rachel has to deal with a burning sensation. Does it hurt her down there? And how will this "illness" affect the girls' mission to resurrect the career of Ja Rule? Only special correspondent David Klein knows. Read on for his weekly analysis of the best in tans and cans.

David: Man, that episode of PoweR Girls was old.
Audience: How old was it?
David: So old, it was filmed when Paris ego wasn t the only thing bruised. Zing!
[Laughter, applause, roll commercial with someone singing about diarrhea.]

If you didn't catch the debut of MTV's latest Grubtastic venture, PoweR Girls (the capitalization of the "R" is really pissing us off — how goddamned witty), you are a disobedient wretch. We can't even look at you right now, you thankless whore... Alright, maybe you didn't watch it because you had better things to do, like hitting your corns up with some pumice. Whatever your excuse may be, Gawker special correspondent David J. Klein endured small screen Lizzie and her band of doltish minions, just for you. After the jump, the first report in his weekly (or however long he can take it) PoweR Girls coverage.

Virginia Heffernan weighs in on Power Girls, the new MTV reality show starring four slaves of perma-tan publicist Lizzie Grubman. (And oh, that tan. Surely her dermatologist is livid.):

· Lizzie Grubman continues to drum up buzz for her upcoming MTV reality show, Power Girls, by disparaging practically everyone and revealing that she is little more than a "professional ass-kisser." We couldn't have said it better ourselves. [ELK]
· Our perma-tan brother to the left is desperately trying to sell out. Should anyone be interested in his "talents" and "services," we here at Gawker would like to attest to his complete inability to bathe. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
· Bad news for all you strange Gates-ophiles: Christo and Jeanne-Claude will not sell off parts of their project, which means you'll have to go back to planning your yard around a gazebo instead. [Page Six]
· More speculation on the closeted sexuality of Anderson Cooper — this time, he's pissed off Michael Musto, who just wants Andy to come out and play. [Gatecrasher]
· There's something about John Randolph Hearst's divorce and his fondness for his nurse, but we can't read anything that involves using "Bunky" as a proper noun. [R&M]
· Because the Hilton sisters are completely retarded, Nicky Hilton lost her cell phone at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. Never, ever give these girls your number. [Page Six]

Forced to share an elevator at the Roosevelt Hotel on Sunday morning with two of Los Angeles' finest, a fearless readers sends us a transcript of the most riveting sort:

Because we live to serve, Gawker is doing its part to help Kelly Womack spread the word about her address change. Oh, like you don't know Kelly Womack? You weren't one of the hundreds of strangers who received the 411 email? Get with the program, Debbie — she's one of Lizzie Grubman's girls, so you best be updating your address book: