Tonight at 8:30 p.m. Eastern, the 9 (??) top GOP candidates will take the stage for the 358th time to see who can scream “ISIS” the loudest. And we’ll be liveblogging every last tirade with the help of our sister site Jezebel. Because no one should have to go through this alone.
Last night, the latest installment of the beloved sci-fi incest franchise Star Wars had its world premiere. Tonight, a small army of attention-hungry presidential hopefuls are going to be yelling at us on CNN. How can we be sure these desperate men and Carly Fiorina won’t slip a spoiler in, effectively ruining the entire set of films that gave us beloved characters like Spock and Mulder? Apparently, we can’t.
In one of Seinfeld’s most memorable episodes, George spends the entire 30 minutes telling his friends about the great comeback he would have employed against an insulting coworker, if he’d thought of it at the time. At the end, he travels halfway across the country and painstakingly recreates the original situation just to tell the guy “The jerk store called, and they’re running out of you!” A sick burn that Ben Carson’s campaign almost landed on Donald Trump last night was kind of like that, too.
Earlier in tonight’s GOP debate, Sen. Marco Rubio made a rousing call for more vocational education. “Welders make more money than philosophers,” he said to applause. “We need more welders than philosophers.”
Somehow, once again, all the candidates’ demands have been met, the undercard round finished, and Ted Cruz’s flesh mask polished to a sheen. Come 9:00 p.m. EST, it’s time for another GOP debate live blog. And as our host for the evening will be Fox Business, this one is almost guaranteed to be extra terrible. We can’t wait.
At tonight’s 358th GOP debate, Ben Carson is almost certainly going to be pushed to respond to the many, many, many claims of fabulism that have been levied against the candidate in recent weeks. So many, in fact, it can be hard to keep track (especially if your name is Ben Carson). But don’t worry—we’re here to help.
If Jeb Bush became a Democrat, I’m not saying he’d win the nomination, let alone the presidency, but he’d have a better shot at either than he currently does in the Republican Party.
Over the last ten years, Ben Carson has given speeches for Mannatech, a sketchy nutritional supplement company that does not, surprisingly, produce actual snake oil. He’s appeared in infomercials. He admits the company helped fund his endowed chair at Johns Hopkins. He even endorsed their product during the GOP debate Wednesday. But one thing he denies? Having “any kind of relationship with them.” Huh?
We’re back. At 8 p.m. Eastern time, the top 10 GOP candidates will be taking the stage in Colorado for the 87th primary debate. God help us.
Tonight, at 8pm, the top 10 Republican candidates for President of the United States will, once again, send Twitter into a frenzy as they brawl on stage for the third (fourth? eighth?) time. But this time, these ten (mostly) wildly wealthy clowns will fight over what makes the world go round: tech policy! And of course, money.
Last night’s GOP debate showed idiot-shepherd Donald Trump lean away from his usually rhetorical tactic of bragging about money, and instead embracing babies. Babies, babies, babies—the man is crazy for babies. Baby? Babe?
After nearly three hours of monotone droning by a bunch of sweaty old people who will almost certainly never be president, tonight’s Republican debate finally delivered with a bizarre question about potential Secret Service names that produced incredibly absurd answers from every single candidate.
Tonight at 8pm, 11 GOP candidates for President of the United States will stand up on stage for the chance to see who can cram the most racist tirades against immigrants into the span of three hours. And we’ll be liveblogging every godforsaken second of it.
At 8 p.m. Eastern, the top eleven candidates for the Republican nomination for the presidency will take the stage at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California, to embarrass themselves, their loved ones, and the country they hope to lead as they vie for a chance to run this great nation into the ground. Again.
On Thursday night, a Facebook madman was somehow permitted to ask Republican candidates the following question: “I want to know if any of them have received a word from God, and what they should do and take care of first.”
After attacking Rosie O’Donnell earlier in tonight’s debate, Donald Trump turned his focus to Hillary Clinton. “I gave to many people,” Trump said, defending his political donations to candidates from both parties before explaining what he got in return. “With Hillary Clinton I said be at my wedding, and she came to my wedding,” he said. “She had no choice because I gave.”
Megyn Kelly asks Trump: “You’ve called women you don’t like, ‘fat pigs,’ ‘dogs,’ ‘slobs,’ and ‘disgusting animals’...” He interrupts her to clarify, “Only Rosie O’Donnell.”
