This summer, as the remaining U.S. troops are pulled out of Iraq, we'll be taking some cultural icons with us: Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway and Cinnabon are leaving the country, too. That's right — not only will Iraqis be missing the sight of heavily armed foreign troops and the comforting buzz of Predator drones, but they'll no longer catch a whiff of an oven fresh Meat Lover's® pizza wafting over the concrete blast walls of their local Forward Operating Base. All of the restaurants are scheduled to be pulled out by year's end.

President Obama made it back from Ground Zero yesterday just in time for a packed White House Cinco de Mayo party. He prepared for the crowd all sorts of Mexico-related jokes, for which the First Lady served as a useful prop at times. Mexican food is Michelle's favorite, Obama said, adding that "you do not want to be between Michelle and a tamale." Not that she's fat or anything, he hastily adds — she exercises, too! Oh, to be a prop wife.

Do you throw your salami in the microwave before eating it? If not, you're screwed and might die (or at least get diarrhea) from nasty Listeria monocytogenes hanging around in your food. Mmm, steaming hot lunch meat.

Diet food! Omega-3 death! Hormone gel! Sex health! Big belly! Fat dementia! Deadly tomatoes! Mental soldiers! And outta control asthma! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—no examinations necessary!

Eye disease! Springtime anorexia! Food pathogens! Coca-Cola chemicals! Chinese smoking! Tall blood clots! Botox lawsuits! Teen drinking! And legal stem cell research, yeah! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while smoking!

Carl's Jr., the California-based fast food chain known for its provocative ads, is in the midst of rolling out a new promotional campaign. The crux of it: "Ugly [models] don't sell burgers." But Olivia Munn in a skimpy bikini—and straddling a Sea-Doo—apparently does.

Despite the food industry's previously stated commitment to developing healthier Pop Tarts, government bureaucrats have decided to infringe the fundamental right of good American food-sellers to market corn syrup-soaked processed corn nuggets to children, using fun cartoon characters.

Last year, the best-selling magazine in America was Sandra Bullock's "Meet My Baby" issue of People. Second-best? Woman's World's "Dr. Oz's Metabolism Makeover!" issue, which features an image of Dr. Oz on its cover—right next to a picture of a pie (top left).

Sunday is Easter, which means that today's the last day when you can go to the drug store and find a sprawling selection of the seasonal sweets that only Jesus' resurrection brings. Everyone has their favorite treat around this time of year, and your selection says a lot about you. Now is your time to head to CVS and get a bag or box of your candy of choice, because after tomorrow the "Easter Bunny" will have bought up all the goodies. But before you go for that sugar rush, let's take a look at what your selection means. [Photo above via Flickr]

Although the lawsuit that claimed Taco Bell only used 36% beef has now been dropped, the fast food chain isn't about to let the damage to their public image slide so easily. They use 88% beef, and how dare someone suggest otherwise!

Someone who claims to have penetrated the hallowed halls of Olive Garden's Culinary Institute of Tuscany says the school is hardly the MIT of Ravioli Sciences touted in commercials. In fact, there's no school at all.

Last week, a massive tornado ripped through Jackson, Mississippi. For victim Eric Hubbard, it wasn't the fact that the storm had put a tree through his living room or destroyed his car that pissed him off—it was the fact the tornado stole a hamburger right from his hands. [via Eater]

While celebrated moonbeam Gwyneth Paltrow spends most of her time slaving over a hot custom-made pizza oven, preparing nice meals for her family, sometimes she needs to eat too (about once a month) and it'd be nice, maybe, if just once her ungrateful brood of wretches returned the favor. But apparently they don't.

This is an important question we are asking ourselves today: can Gwyneth Paltrow be stopped? The human-shaped collection of sunlight and feathers has already conquered the acting world, has become the nation's preeminent country-western-singer, and is now poised to take over the food industry. Her new cookbook, My Father's Daughter, is selling like gluten-free hotcakes and now the New York Post wonders if she could become the next Martha Stewart.

There's a crisis brewing in California's local, organic, grass-fed, humanely slaughtered meat industry, man. Nice butchers are in short supply, forcing farmers and consumers to (gasp!) forgo their oath to the locavore movement and get their meat from hundreds of miles away.

Inspired by San Francisco, a new bill before the New York City Council seeks to put dietary restrictions on meals that come with free toys. They better watch out. I'd hate to run into Ronald McDonald in a dark alley.

Meteorite robbers! Food dyes! Cow people milk! Formaldehyde life! Monarch butterflies! Lion variations! Breast milk oncology! And bitter autism failure! It's your Monday Science Watch, where we watch science—creamily!

It is with great sadness that we learned today that Sbarro Inc., purveyors of the very finest room-temperature pizza and congealed ziti known to mankind, are preparing to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The chain is $365 million in debt, and lawyers are working feverishly to hammer out a restructuring deal that would spare the legendary dough emporiums from extinction.

Today we heard that the world's most perfect human, Gwyneth Paltrow, might be starting a cooking magazine. Calloo, callay, oh happy day! What sorts of down-home recipes will this humble working mother put together for us? One commenter had an early peek.

First Lady Michelle Obama, who has the nerve and audacity and dare I say uppitiness to want our children to eat better and live healthier, ought to be knocked down to her proper place upon hearing this: Illinois's 1st Congressional District, which includes Obama's South Side Chicago home turf, ranks 430th out of 436th in a new national health and well-being survey, and dead last in the "healthy behavior category." Boom.