American princess turned white English tea rose Gwyneth Paltrow loves to cook food. We know this. She's always nattering on about her love of cooking, and is even releasing a cookbook. So what's the next logical step the divine Ms. P? A food magazine, naturally!

Researchers, finally getting on top of the really important questions like "what foods make people horny," have examined hundreds of previous studies and come up with a list of real, scientifically-proven aphrodisiacs. And chocolate is not one!

Three days after the internet shamed Ina Garten for rejecting a pediatric cancer patient's Make-A-Wish request to cook a meal with her, the Barefoot Contessa has agreed to fit a 6-year-old leukemia patient into her busy schedule. After twice rejecting Enzo Pereda's request, Ina is now pleading ignorance:

Don't you hate it when you're squirting out some ketchup or mayonnaise or whatever and you misfire, thereby spilling the flavorful gooeyness all over your table? If so, then this little condiment-wiping (scraping?) contraption will help! It'll also amaze you.

On a recent segment during Youngstown, Ohio's WFMJ morning show, Nancy from Sparkles Market appeared to discuss biscotti. How delicious! Unfortunately for Nancy, a slip of the tongue let viewers in on a dirty little secret regarding her tastes.

If you enjoyed Taco Party, then you'll love the idea of Michael Ian Black being the next Taco Bell spokesman. In this video, he turns to politics—specifically, our Commander in Chief—for a chance to fulfill his dream.

A man in San Antonio brandished weapons at a Taco Bell, exchanged gunfire with police and spent three hours negotiating with a SWAT team from inside his hotel room. Because Taco Bell raised the price of the Beefy Crunch Burrito.

Thanks to places like Whole Foods and people like Dr. Oz, Bolivian children are at risk of malnutrition. Why? Because of America's sudden love affair with quinoa — that tasty little chenopod that most wrongly describe as a grain. The Times tells us why we should feel guilty for eating it:

Rejoice! The Barefoot Contessa recap is back! On today's brand new episode of Ina Garten's rich (in many ways), televised culinary compendium, East Hampton's HBIC sank her teeth into—and got some intense pleasure from—a cornucopia of good eats.

Fun size just ain't doing it for you anymore? For KitKat fanatics, this bar just got the reboot treatment. Cooler yet, this mammoth treat was sold in chunks to raise money for Comic Relief.

What you are about to witness is the beginning of an urban legend.

Plant life! Animal love! Prison workout! Potassium Iodide! Food surplus! Teen sleep! Nuclear disaster! And the key to happiness! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—from within a radiation-proof bubble!

Whether you're a child, an adult desperately trying to cling to the bygone symbols of childhood, or simply have a poorly developed palate, the fact is, you love Cap'n Crunch™ brand breakfast cereal, despite all of the good reasons not too. Well, good news, corn syrup fetishists: contrary to published reports, your beloved cartoon-clad corn byproduct nuggets are not disappearing.

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert—with his forehead still adorned with ash—decided that he'd give up Catholicism for Lent. Interesting! Then, Colbert decided to take up Judaism. And then, he gave up "not eating bacon" for Jewish Lent.

Chicken, the easiest of all non-fish meats to convince yourself it's okay to eat on moral grounds, is now a little more difficult to rationalize consuming. A new study seems to indicate that the birds can feel empathy—meaning they can theoretically feel the pain and distress of other chickens:

Hormone diets! Slow eating! Teen dying! Teen drinking! Greek eating! Urethra growing! Big loser-ing! Cartoon food! And incompetent old people driving around dangerously! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—unconventionally!

Sleep losers! Stomach pacemakers! Pork sloganeers! Cadmium poisoners! Cancer fallers! Food fighters! Proton inhibitors! Mite worriers! And puppy survivors! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with little to no equilibrium!

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert lamented the fact that Ben & Jerry's gave Jimmy Fallon his own ice cream flavor, ending Colbert's late-night talk show host exclusivity. So, he declared war—and Fallon showed up. Jon Stewart, too!

Do you like food? Ohhh, shoot. Sorry. I was hoping you'd say no! Because food prices are, like, crazy right now.

The Oscars are on Sunday and today is Tuesday, meaning you need to start planning your menu for the party. Luckily we're here to give you some ideas for the perfect awards show feast, all based on this year's nominees!