According to America's official gun-counting officials, prospective gun buyers registered 129,166 background check requests on Black Friday 2011—more than on any other Black Friday in American history, and a 32 percent increase from the last all-time high. What provoked all these gun sales?

You're like, "wait, I thought he "suspended" his campaign yesterday so he could focus on making a new website." That's all true, but just because he quit doesn't mean his supporters suspended their adoration of Herman Cain.

A teenage boy named Jonah Mowry posted the above video to YouTube in August, in which he uses note cards to share the heartbreaking story of what a lifetime of being bullied has done to him. It's one of the saddest things I've ever seen, by one of the bravest boys I've never met.

If you've spent your day on the Internet, then you might have heard about Eyebombing: a website dedicated to pictures of inanimate objects decorated with plastic googly eyes. Links to several posts about the site have been getting passed around some on Twitter, with many people referring to it as the "website of the day."

Maybe you were swamped at the office this week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're about to go back to work and could use one last distraction. Whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the best videos we watched during the week that was.

Doing its part to ensure that America's population of talented, unemployed writers and editors continues to grow, Yahoo shut down four of its entertainment websites yesterday: The Projector (movies), The Set (TV), The Amplifier (music), and The Famous (celebrity gossip). RIP, blogs and jobs.

Everyone meet Jane Addams High School principal Sharron Smalls—seen here getting down with, and chocolate-sauced by, a topless man who looks less-than-excited to be there. Yesterday students at Addams (it's in NYC) covered their school with copies of the photo in honor of Smalls and her achievements—particularly her use of said pic on her Facebook profile.

In the Land of Blood and Honey is being billed as Angelina Jolie's "writing and directorial" debut, but did she actually write it? Or did she adopt the movie's storyline from Bosnian-Croatian journalist/writer James J. Braddock's 2007 novel The Soul Shattering without his permission?

Koch-head Wisconsin governor Scott Walker's primary achievement during his first year in office: Inspiring a hundreds of thousands of citizens to protest him. It makes him look so bad! Now he wants to charge all those picketing Poors a fee every time they engage in some First Amendment-protected activity that involves showing how much they hate him.

Teenage Floridian Vanessa Gibbs missed her plane ride home from Norfolk, Va. the other day because her purse featured a gun-shaped applique that TSA agents deemed illegal as a "replica" gun. Commence adding bold western wear to your list of "TSA-banned fashions," underneath snake pants and hummingbird pants.

Hyperactive pepperoni stick Herman Cain just emerged from his big-ass tour bus, theme song playing and teensy wife by his side, to take to a rental podium and announce that he's suspending his presidential campaign. You all distracted him with your accusations about affairs and leg-touching moments too much!

Steve Jobs "didn't like what [he] learned" about Abdulfattah John Jandali, his Syrian-American biological dad, and therefore never reestablished a relationship with Jandali before his death in October. But that absence of connection hasn't stopped Jandali from defending his son's products—and, in a sense, his legacy—from the oppressive Syrian government, which has banned iPhones to keep people from filming killings and other atrocities being committed by local authorities.

Former Penn State defensive coordinator and accused pedophile Jerry Sandusky needs to ask his hired private investigator (or a psychologist) to investigate why he continues talking to the media when he really should just shut the fuck up. Unless he wants us all to think he's guilty?

When a bunch of Occupy Wall Street protesters were arrested during a World AIDS Day protest, Thursday, NYPD ate all the pizza that was delivered to them by supporters, with a grin.

"I think he feels like people don't take him seriously," a friend tells Page Six Magazine about Facebook billionaire Sean Parker. "People often think of him as being like the character…in the movie [The Social Network]." I wonder why! Possibly it's the expensive, drug-fueled parties. Or maybe it's the way he holds paranoid grudges over nightclub slights?

HIV levels! Generic Lipitor! Arsenic grandmothers! Low B12! Stressed parents! Hospital food! Fire surgery! Foster drugs! And Europeans are a bunch of nasty motherfuckers! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—to death!

What heinous acts of consumer fury can we blame on unsustainable social coupon site Groupon this week? A Santa-seeking stampede that led to the resignation of one of Santa's elves. Groupon stole Christmas!

Of all the annoying things that internet commenters do, and boy are there a lot of them, this is the one I hate the most. If you're commenting on an article, don't you think you should, you know, read the damn article!

Last Wednesday night, about 50 girls huddled in front of Madison Square Garden, warmed only by North Face jackets and their burning love for Justin Bieber. They were Beliebers, and for the next couple hours I planned to tag along as they rampaged through New York. Here are the crazy results.

It only took about 15 months of "deliberation and prayer" after her husband was accused of coercing four teenage boys into sex for Vanessa Long, wife of Bishop Eddie Long, to seek a divorce. But, whoops, turns out God changed his mind!