Cocktail names from a scintillating New York Times trend piece on drinking: the Penelope Cruiser, the Algerian Typist, A New Phase of Life, the Yuzu You Too!, the Sexy London, Sandals 'n Spice. Don't you want to drink them all?

After the world collectively shrieked with horror at two-year-old smoking baby Ardi Rizal, the parents of this three-year-old Chinese tot thought to themselves, "Hey, we've got a smoking baby. Ours is a boozehound, too." Self-destructing babies: Your ticket to fame.

Yesterday on Today, Hoda and guest host Mark Feuerstein watched in awe as this little boy doesn't just sip, but takes a nice swig from a bottle of beer. Is it actually beer? We'll never know...but cheers little dude.

When bros talk about bros icing bros, they're like, "Bro, you got fucking iced." But when the New York Times talks about bros icing bros, it's like "Drinking Game Poses Query, Who's 'Icing' Whom?" Ha, "Whom?" That's an icing, bro.

Did you know that just by sitting there, not drinking, you are killing the American economy? We're currently in the midst of the biggest "lite" beer sale decline in recent memory. The culprit? You. (And "Drinkability").

After the IRS ordered Pabst's owners to sell, the brewer of blue-collar beverages languished on the market for years. Then something remarkable happened: hipsters discovered it. So now the guy who owns Vlasic pickles plunked down $250M to buy it.

Alcohol-memes are the new non-alcohol-memes. In recent weeks we've had picklebacks, vodka-eyeballing and butt-chugging for fauxhemians, students and idiots respectively. Today's drinking-trend-sweeping the nation is called 'bros icing bros'. It's for frat boys. And it may be viral marketing.

"Drunks" might be harsh. But of 150,000 people studied by the Public Assistance Hospitals of Paris, the people who drank three glasses of wine a day tended to be healthier. Because, Dr. Pierre Le Wiiiine claims, they're socially happier.

Look at what hippie school Berkeley is doing now: getting DNA samples from incoming freshmen. Uh oh, has Berkeley finally turned into a totalitarian nightmare, just as its SDS chapter long suspected? No, of course there is a hippie justification.

You think trend pieces in American newspapers are shabby? Try Britain's The Daily Mail — they specialize in scaring gullible suburban parents with stories like today's ridiculous and disingenuous 'expose' on drinking vodka through your eyes.

Drinkers are apparently weary of all the fancy-pants cocktails filled with tinctures and obscure violet-based liquors. The kids these days are, apparently, enjoying a shot of whisky followed by a shot of pickle brine.

Some data fiend decided to see how data on drinking habits correlated with all sorts of other fun factors like religion, education and politics. Educated godless liberals with large vocabularies, it seems, enjoy a beverage more than most.

We bring you the following story as a public service—for journalists, college students, and everyone else. Take the experience of Tim Chapman, former editor of James Madison University's student newspaper, as a lesson: Cops are not your drinking buddies.

The Way We Live Now: Half-ass. Why do things properly when they will inevitably crumble with the next economic collapse? Our jobs are all short-term. Our schools are short-staffed. And now they want our booze. Is this how revolutions begin?

Alcoholics! Sexy sexing! Cancer rodents! Cancer guidos! And fat people who can't remember your name! It's health watch, where we watch your health—with a poor bedside manner!

20 year-old Laura Hall got a Drinking Banning Order, which forbids her to enter "any pub, club, off-licence or bar" in England. Because she's a drunk. If you're drinking too hard for England, you have a problem. [DailyMail] (via Scrubbles)

Disgusting lesbians aren't the only things ruining prom these days. Stupid school administrators and awful parents are also doing the rite of passage a great disservice. The latest trend is scheduling the dances on school nights, to curb after-partying.

All they need now is a pipe bomb, and they will never be scooped again. Tom & Jerry's is a dive bar near our office. It's also "Elaine's for the glittering digital set," "where everyone knows your Twitter handle."

Christian Shostle, a former TMZ producer, went on medical leave for depression, unsurprisingly. When he came back, he says, his colleagues were using drugs on the job. He complained. He was fired. Now he's suing. Might TMZ lack professionalism?

On last night's Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, they trotted out the old "let's break some dubious world records" shtick. One being the world's largest bloody mary garnished with a late night host. Sure, why not.