You have probably been thinking to yourself lately: "What are the best practices for selling Jell-O shots to drunk young men at bars?" What a coincidence! Because The Wall Street Journal can tell you exactly that.

A stunning victory for female boozehounds and the men who drool over them at bars: Anti-feminist lawyer Roy Den Hollander has lost his lawsuit against New York bars for gender discrimination on "Ladies' Night."

Eben Freeman has had it with the injustice done to bartenders. "Someone needs to get sued," the "molecular mixologist" tells The Atlantic. Cocktails used to be intoxicating fun, but now they could land you in legal trouble.

People who drink heavily have lower mortality rates than those who don't drink at all, according to a new study. Why? Could be because they're way more fun at parties. No, really! Science says so!

Granted, noon is the equivalent of 6PM when you host a morning show. In GQ's new profile of Joe Scarborough, the professional chit-chatter reveals his sexual fixations and calls co-host Mika Brzezinski "mommy" while she chugs vodka from a mug.

Dutch cities are trying to crack down on "drug tourism." Russia is banning its own citizens from buying booze. Meanwhile, doctors want to give acid and mushrooms to depressed people. Is everything getting a little too wacky?

Commuters' most pressing issue is resolved: new bar cars are coming. Congrats, lushes.

Have you flown lately? You don't remember, do you? You were too drunk. That's not just a troubling sign of your creeping alcoholism; it's also a business plan for the entire airline industry!

A new Gallup study on Americans and booze has some interesting facts. Did you know that young American men love beer? And that Americans like alcohol? Or that people on both coasts prefer wine? Stereotypes come true with science!

ANA will be the first carrier to offer sweet, sweet ale from the tap on its flights. They figured out a way to store kegs without air pressure meddling with it. First cocktails, now this. Come fly the drunken skies!

A New Mexico man was picked up on the side of a highway last week with his back, ass, and prosthetic leg engulfed in flames. He apparently lost a drinking game after only being able to down six beers.

What would you name a dinosaur species, if you'd had a couple drinks? Probably something like "Buttheadsaurus" or "Danielle Staub Rex" or "Walter." These paleontologists, meeting over beer, decided to name their find "Mojoceratops." I like "Walter" more. [MSNBC]

This mess of an anti-drinking ad laughably posits that British—British!—kids will puke all over themselves after "three large vodkas" or "two double shots." Hell. Two double shots of heroin, maybe. Maybe. [Copyranter at AnimalNY]

British oil trader Steven Perkins came home drunk one night last year, went online, and lost $10 million while trading oil futures. Now that vintage G.I. Joe you bought on Ebay while drunk doesn't seem so bad. [NYT, pic]

Kid checkups! Organic fatties! Lazy docs! Sports carbs! Drunk teens! Rat Lungs! It's your predominantly factual Health Watch, where we watch your health—with the interest of a teenage girl amongst nerds!

It was a crime of infinite ridiculousness: Dressed in a sumo wrestling suit, Sandra Talbot assaulted her ex-girlfriend with her own girth and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, vengeance for flirting with a man dressed as giant Snickers bar.

While some hole in Wisconsin called Stevens Point has the "best" water, New York comes in second. Which is better, because we don't look like we're trying too hard. And it's true! New York's water is delicious. Whose water isn't?

Dallas' Police Department released a video of 27-year-old Officer Kelly Beemer getting dragged out of a bar, and another one of Beemer screaming, whipping out her gun, and firing it into the floor of her cop boyfriend's patrol car.

Well, the rumors were true: Mark Zuckerberg is now the latest bro to "ice" another bro. As the attached video proves, the Facebook CEO is the latest participant in the fratty drinking prank known as "icing."

Good news: A team of scientists from Massachusetts General Hospital are one step closer to being able to regrow livers, after they created working liver grafts and transplanted them into rats. Drink up—you can fix it later! [BBC]