Or: "Firefighter Becomes Fire Hazard." A woman came home on St. Patrick's Eve to find a passed-out man in an FDNY uniform blocking her door. Thank God she had a Blackberry to capture the special moment on video.

The ad below for some Australian beer explains exactly when you know you need a beer: when your balls tingle. Yea, maybe in Australia.

Spring is right around the corner, so instead of partying with your buds with a cooler of High Life and a sprinkler, turn your backyard into a Teutonic Party Zone and you'll be toasting to Gaston in no time.

Canada's women's hockey team took the Olympic Gold yesterday, at which point its members commenced the traditional Canadian victory ritual of getting shit-drunk on a massive slab of ice while wearing jerseys. For some reason, people got upset.

Committed to alcoholism, but having a tough time sustaining 24-hour inebriation with your busy schedule? Try Disposable Flasks, the handy way to drink anywhere, while avoiding the shame of clunky metal options. Available in leopard print to match your Snuggie!

Wouldn't it be great if researchers proved once and for all that guzzling beer is good for you? You're in luck. They just did. [Reuters]

On last night's No Reservations, Anthony Bourdain visited Prague. And that means one thing: liver-crippling drinking. What starts off as an innocent tour about Prague's culture quickly spirals into a man sloppily cramming pork in his mouth at 4 am.

"Americans' love affair with top-shelf booze cooled last year as the recession took a toll on high-priced tipples. A new report by an industry group shows people drank more but turned to cheaper brands. They also drank more at home and less in pricier bars and restaurants." [AP]

State of the Union time! There will be special commenting, and drinking, from your favorite bloggers, as long as your favorite bloggers are me! But what should we expect, and when should we drink?

• The Tavern on the Green auction kicked off today and continues through Friday. Expect long lines if you plan on checking it out yourself. (But forget about meeting Regis Philbin if you go; he was already there today.) [Crain's]
• Four Seasons chef Fabio Trabocchi is out after only three months. [NYP]
• The critics: Sam Sifton of the Times gives one star to the Breslin; Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton also weighs in on the Breslin, as does the Village Voice's Robert Sietsema; Adam Platt of New York takes on Maialino, giving it three out of five stars; Time Out awards four stars to Purple Yam; and the Post's Steve Cuozzo makes the case that Robert in Columbus Circle offers the best views in town.

"Hello, my name is Creepy Old Dude on YouTube, and I am quite clearly an alcoholic."

What makes a man? Is it standing up for a set of principles like Atticus Finch or is it the ability to go shot for shot with Dennis Hopper? According to this video, it is the latter.

When making beverage selections for the remaining holiday parties, actual holidays, and the oncoming New Year's Eve benders, one should employ discretion, lest you end up with a terrible hangover and a sauce gut. Not afraid to be servicey:

Everyone got crunk at the IAC/College Humor/Daily Beast X-Mas party. Did you? Did Julia Allison? Know what a "walk off" is? The Elle party apparently does, so suckit, Vogue. VICE/VBS.tv? And what about this here website's shindig? Party roundup time!

This video is aimed towards that elusive niche market of party animals, those not into the novelty of a plastic hat who watch a lot of MacGuyver with a knowing grin on their mug.

Follow these instructions to get the most bang for your buck the next time you're at the bar.

File Under: Ideas Bad for Humanity. An industrious writer embarked on a mission to recreate the now-banned Hipster Holy Water known as Sparks. Reactions? "God, that's so fucking gross," and "This is the best day of my life." Success! [SFWeekly]

Can an overpriced cocktail dispensed by a mixologist prevent you from getting the flu, or make you feel better if you already have it? (Presumably a drink like the Flu Shot, which is on the menu at the East Village's Drop Off Service, isn't designed to appeal to the taste buds: It's a mixture of "garlic-infused honey, jalapeño-infused tequila, orange-lemon-ginger purée and a few drops of liquid echinacea.") No, it won't, says one doctor. But "if it makes you feel better"—or you need an excuse to keep boozing when you should probably quit—"go for it." [NYT]

Charlene Lugar, the wife of staid Indiana Sen. Dick Lugar, was charged with DWI in McLean, Va., last night after driving into a parked car. Now we know who does all the partying (or vodka-in-the-coffee-thermos drinking) in the Lugar family.

Bad enough the lady is drinking and driving with only one hand because she's holding a (hallucinated?) dragon in the other hand. Also, her eyes are closed. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]