Common sense prevails, as Conrad Black's attorneys realize that letting a jury discover that their client is friendly with Donald Trump would cause irreparable damage to their defense. Incidentally, the smart money here says, barring any gigantic revelations towards the end of the case, Black walks. [NYP]
· New NBC golden boy Ben Silverman is already hard at work, talking disgruntled Donald Trump down from a Trump Tower ledge by reopening talks about possibly bringing back The Apprentice. "I can see this guy is gonna be a star," says Trump, appreciating the business savvy of a player who might not be afraid to throw away untold millions to return his low-rated show to primetime. [Variety]
· Dania "The One Who Drove AJ Soprano To Suicide" Ramirez will join Heroes as a series regular. (Hey, she's got mutant experience from X-Men 3.) While her "powers are being kept under wraps," producers are rumored to still be deciding between superhuman Rollerblading skills and the ability to make the world's most delicious sandwiches. [THR]
· The Canadian government quickly surrenders to visiting California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, helpless against his onslaught of tired movie catchphrases meant to communicate the importance of introducing tougher anti-piracy legislation. [Variety]
· Not that you might possibly care, but USA won the cable rights to Pirates 3, completing its acquisition of all three installments of the franchise. [THR]
· Pirate Master (which we actually watched, God help us, confirming our suspicion that it's nothing more than Survivor with an eyepatch and a big boat) is off to a weak start for CBS. None of us are going to make it through the summer TV season alive, we can feel it already. [Variety]
We're not sure what it suggests to a jury when you won't put your client on the stand but you will offer up Donald Trump as a character witness, but that's exactly what Conrad Black's defense team plans to do, according to the Post. Trump will allegedly testify that the extravagant 60th birthday party Black threw for his wife, Lady, "felt like a business event rather than simply a personal celebration," and, to a man for whom every single event in life including, we're guessing, intercourse, feels like a business event, that may very well be true. Anyway, Trump probably can't come off as any less credible than Black's secretary, who doesn't remember anything, even dates or seasons, about Black removing boxes of records from his office in defiance of a court order.
Last night's "O'Reilly Factor" featured a discussion between noted solons Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly himself on the endlessly fascinating topic of "loser" Rosie O'Donnell. (Remember her? She used to be on "The View"?) Did you know she was polling even more poorly among Fox News viewers than President Bush? Well, she is. Also, they hate her.
By now you've likely seen at least some part of the split-screen smackdown between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View yesterday: It raised ill-informed, inarticulate political debate to the artful level of jazz improvisation, with O'Donnell keeping rhythm with bassy, angry-lesbian notes as Hasselbeck explored ear-piercing variations on her signature, "Up with dead Iraqis!" theme. Extra caught up with flowy-dress-wearing, right-wing shrew, who's confident the two will patch things up. And because no View feud is complete without the wit and wisdom of the Great Combforwarded One, Extra (way to keep on it, guys!) has these inspirational words from Donald Trump:
Conrad Black was so concerned about shareholder dissent at Hollinger International's 2003 annual meeting that he turned to Donald Trump for help. The jury in Black's fraud trial heard yesterday how Black arranged for Trump to speak at the meeting and praise his stewardship of the company. Because when people are concerned about the way you're running your organization, there's nothing more valuable than an endorsement from a foul little man who's always teetering on the edge of bankruptcy.
Refusing to languish in the humiliating limbo in which NBC had placed declining franchise The Apprentice as it tried to finalize its new schedule, dignified billionaire Donald Trump has seized control of his television destiny by releasing a statement declaring that he's "moving on...to a major new TV venture." (Though we wouldn't be surprised to see a full-page Variety ad appear tomorrow featuring Trump strangling a peacock once he's had another day to marinate in his rage over the network's affront.) While the nature of this "new TV venture" remains undisclosed, we suspect it will somehow tie in to his latest attempt at brand extension, revolving around the mogul's recent foray into the high-end meats business; a teaser poster for Trump Steaks: The Series (catchphrase: "You're underdone.") follows after the jump:
· Trump will have to settle for firing his real-life employees while NBC decides if it's going to strike the boardroom set forever.
· We dare not embed this amazing clip for fear that some innocent furniture in view of your computer monitor will be scarred for life by the horrifying group ottoman freaking depicted therein.
· The Mooninites go free, with virtually no discussion of hair care.
· Scientology and Me YouTube faceoff: Shouty BBC Reporter vs. Creepily Intense Defender of the Faith.
We're always up for checking in with theorist Camille Paglia, whose column in Salon.com (ad view req'd) bounces from topic to topic like a post-feminist superball ricocheting off the walls of popular culture. In the current edition, she weighs in with her thoughts on everything from the Democratic presidential debates to the Virginia Tech tragedy to the lack of well-written roles for African-Americans on All My Children. But it's her staunchly pro-Trumpian take on the subject of Rosie O'Donnell we chose to single out for special recognition:
This week's Time features the fourth annual installment of THE TIME 100: The Most Influential People In The World! It's a pretty thick issue, which is all the more remarkable given the crappy paper stock the magazine uses. Anyway, who are the folks Time's editors think are "transforming our world"? Well, Justin Timberlake makes the cut, as do Angelina Jolie (as an activist, not an entertainer), Kate Moss, and the chick from "Ugly Betty." Time M.E. Rick Stengel reminds us that "the real magic of the Time 100 is in the pairings. We match author to subject so the former can offer special insight on the latter." There's certainly special insight in Donald Trump's appreciation of subway hero Wesley Autrey.
At least since Meet the Press caliph Tim Russert's fatwa against her for the total misrepresentation of his feelings about his moms, we've all known that Times Mag interviewtrix Deb Solomon's job basically involves rearranging words that were once said by some person at some time into patterns that make all involved — but mostly the reader — deeply uncomfortable. So given her obvious affinity for, you know, the "sampling culture," why is this week's Russell Simmons chat so damn boring? We offer this "Ignition (Remix)"-style transcendent version of Solomon's dull album-track slow jam:
In the Wall Street Journal Weekend Edition, Karen Richardson has a wonderful story about World's Second Richest Person Warren Buffet — he's a bit like John the Baptist to Bill Gate's Jesus — and how he's cutely put out an A.P.B. for a man (yes, MAN; let's not kid ourselves) to replace him as Berkshire Hathaway's Chief Investment Officer. You can imagine the meta-narrative all this fits into:
If you're the type that found Rosie O'Donnell's explanation of her departure suspiciously tidy (i.e., that she only wanted a one-year contract, while ABC demanded that she be locked up for three more high-rated years of headline-grabbing feuds with media-shy billionaires, public disclosures of mental illness, and the lingering, delicious tension from the possibility that a simple argument could end in Elizabeth Hasselbeck's on-air strangulation), the NY Post offers up an alternate story: Rosie (pictured here delivering a vicious head-butt to her hated boss) is quitting the show after failing in a behind-the-scenes putsch to oust Barbara Walters. Confused by competing theories, O'Donnell's devoted fans have taken to the Ask Ro section of Rosie.com to try and sort through the mess. A selection:
Donald Trump has adopted a new hobby and immersed himself in it just like any man approaching his retirement years would, only instead of model trains or ship building, the combforwarded land baron has committed himself to becoming the greatest, classiest Rosie O'Donnell hater in the world. He hasn't publicly shared his thoughts on The View co-host in over a month (her admission that she suffers from depression led him to sensitively admit that he too would suffer from depression if he was trapped inside her frame), but that doesn't mean Trump hasn't been hard at work in his Mar-a-Lago basement readying his latest anti-Rosie mastepiece:
The Learning Annex's traveling "Real Estate and Wealth Expo" stopped by the Toronto Convention Center recently, where citizens eagerly shelled out however many Loonies were required of them in order to gain an audience with The Pope of Classiness himself, Donald Trump. Some mischievous locals couldn't resist tampering with the billboards, however, turning them into proposals and public declarations of love for the object of his lusty, fat pig affections, Rosie O'Donnell. (A pairing we've long fantasized about.) In other self-whoring news, Trump has just announced he will be putting perhaps his most recognizable asset on the line in the name of publicity charity:
It's a sad day for all of us here on Gawker: On this morning's "The View," Rosie O'Donnell promised to never mention Donald Trump (or, as the lady so delicately put it, "that dumptruck") again. Could it be? The greatest conflict of the 21st century cut down in its prime? Oh, wait, these are two of the biggest attention whores in the world today; of course not. As you were.
