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If you're the type that found Rosie O'Donnell's explanation of her departure suspiciously tidy (i.e., that she only wanted a one-year contract, while ABC demanded that she be locked up for three more high-rated years of headline-grabbing feuds with media-shy billionaires, public disclosures of mental illness, and the lingering, delicious tension from the possibility that a simple argument could end in Elizabeth Hasselbeck's on-air strangulation), the NY Post offers up an alternate story: Rosie (pictured here delivering a vicious head-butt to her hated boss) is quitting the show after failing in a behind-the-scenes putsch to oust Barbara Walters. Confused by competing theories, O'Donnell's devoted fans have taken to the Ask Ro section of Rosie.com to try and sort through the mess. A selection:

BARBARA IS A LIAR! Please tell us u dont trust her and why are you covering for her and abc? If they had wanted you they could have agreed with 1 yr.Joy looked pissed,Liz-sad,& Bar looked like a liar.

i would have no reason to cover for anyone
never mind a corporation

Barbara was really being trashed on cnn today. It is her show but she had no control over negotiations! That is far fetched! I will miss you so much!

she is not abc/disney

Hi Rosie,

Why are 1 year contracts so rare in show biz? Wouldn't ABC benefit($$$$)from having you, even if it was for just for 1 season....Going to miss you soooo much..ur a breath of fresh air...XOX
 well
they do a risk assesment
and see if it is worth it
supply and demand and effect

Of course, with all things being equal, the simplest explanation is often the best one, and so we must reject the impossibly complicated Risk Assessment/Supply/Demand/Effect Theory in favor of Donald Trump's far more straightforward "Eat Me" explanation, as it seems likely that ABC was skittish that the attention-hungry billionaire might accept O'Donnell's invitation to perform a sexual act on her just to sustain their flagging adversarial relationship.